For Today:  July 11^th

The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere.

Anne Morrow Lindberg

A young woman who had binged and vomited for thirteen years before finding OA considers herself well qualified to speak on people-pleasing. Here’s what she told her group:

“I seemed to think I had to go through life with a smile pasted on my face. I was sweet and accommodating and polite.  A good egg.  Of course, none of it was sincere.  How could it be when, inside, I was angry and resentful and afraid?  My false front was so exhausting I had to make it up to myself somehow, and the one sure way to do that was to eat.

“The same exhaustion overtakes me today whenever I try so hard to make a good impression that I am not being myself. But it’s all right to make mistakes. I am not perfect. I’m making progress and I’m very grateful for the chance to do it.”

For Today:  Doing or saying something I don’t mean costs me more in the long run than I’m willing to pay. I am as honest as I can be without either being rude or fawning over anyone.

I was raised to believe that it was necessary to be a Phony.  To show people only the best side of me,  no matter what it may cost to do so.  “Never let your slip show” was the mantra. 

Life was to be portrayed as Perfect; there were no hardships to discuss because that was ‘nobody’s business’  but our own.   I grew up thinking that I had to be perfect and that life should be perfect….and if it wasn’t, FAKE IT.

I had a hard time differentiating reality from illusion because of the façade I was expected to maintain at all times.

Denial thrived, of course, since there is NO perfection anywhere on earth.  And I was never Perfect, certainly, so I was always disappointed in myself because I was always missing the mark, somehow.  You could be prettier, thinner, smarter, friendlier, more accommodating , happier, more helpful….etc. 
But most of all, You Could Be So Much MORE, tsk tsk, what a shame.

It has taken me 50+ years to realize that I AM ENOUGH. I am smart enough, I am pretty enough, I am friendly enough, I am accommodating enough, I am happy enough, I am helpful enough…..

I no longer strive to please others; I strive to please God and myself and my family. Life is all about Love and Acceptance & Gratitude, not keeping up with the Joneses or wearing a mask of perfection to camouflage my real feelings.

Being a Phony is way too exhausting! What a waste of time and false effort to perpetuate such lies!

For today, I am eternally grateful for this program which has shown me what is important in life.  For today, I am supremely blessed to discover a better, more peaceful & honest way to live, where phoniness has no place.