For Today: July 27th

He who is being carried does not realize how far the town is.

Nigerian proverb

Dependency is soft and cushy and makes it unnecessary for me to know how far the town is.  So, what’s the catch?  The catch is that I can never grow past that stage of childhood in which I am an extension of my parents.  Failure to meet others’ expectations will send me back again and again to seek approval that will never come.

I do not choose to stay on that treadmill today.  If I catch myself bending over backward to please, or dismissing my own opinions as inferior, I ask God for the courage to change direction.

For Today: The OA program of recovery is leading me out of the gilded cage of dependency toward the freedom of thinking for myself.

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“Dismissing my own opinions as inferior….”  How well I know THAT feeling! I have always considered myself a second class citizen because of my weight issues. That led me to feel that I was inferior to others in every way possible.  Everyone was prettier than me, smarter, nicer, funnier, luckier, etc. etc. 

Once I got into recovery I realized what distorted thinking that was! I was judging mySELF based on my BODY.  I am not my body; I am my soul; my personality, my humor, my kindness & my compassion.  As a society, we are taught from a young age to judge a book by its cover. If a person is fat, he is a ‘slob’, he’s ‘lazy’, he’s ‘stinky’, he’s ‘unmotivated’, he has no ‘willpower’ or ‘self control’. 

Then one day, we realize, he’s none of those things. What he IS is addicted; caught in the throes of an ugly disease that has him by the throat. He doesn’t know what to DO to fix it…how to stop the vicious cycle & take his life BACK.

When I see an overweight person these days, what I feel for him is compassion. I know what it’s like to feel hopeless, and, by the grace of God, I have found my way OUT of that web of lies, one day at a time.

I had to have the willingness to stop being carried, though….…I had to stand on my own two feet & admit my powerlessness over food in order to see how far the town was.  I had to get out of my own way and allow God to take over the aspects of my life I cannot control.

I found Recovery through OA and for that, I am eternally grateful.