For Today: July 19th

One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.

Andre Gide

OA is a new way of life.  Nothing in this program has much relationship to anything I have known before.  There are steps to take and meetings to attend.  Recovery means going to any lengths to stay abstinent.  It means being willing to give up, for today, any or all of the comfortable and familiar old ways that may interfere with abstinence, including cooking, restaurants, friends, meals for my family, flag and country.  I found it wasn’t necessary to give up these things, but I had to be willing: willingness is the key.  Without abstinence I have nothing except a killing, progressive disease.

For Today:  I am willing to put abstinence first.  That means talking to anyone who is able to help me, asking questions even though they may make me appear foolish, making phone calls even though I may bother someone.
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Putting abstinence first DOES mean that everything changes.  I had eating buddies, drinking buddies, and relationships that HAD to fade away if I expected to stay abstinent & sober.  What I had in common with some people was toxic for me in Recovery, and so I had to make a choice: them or me.

I had to stay out of restaurants for quite a while, I had to stop cooking elaborate meals for my family, I had to quit watching the Food Network *Diners Drive-In’s & Dives drove me crazy with hunger*, I had to stop looking at recipes, cookbooks………..in other words, the only thing that had to change was EVERYTHING.

In time, I was able to venture out a bit more & try eating out….I found I COULD make healthy choices & I turned it into a game; Find the Healthy Meals Hiding Out Amidst the Junk Food on the Menu.  Nowadays, I can visit buffets and stay abstinent; I can cook for guests or my family without tasting; I can attend social functions & ignore the sludge-fest surrounding me; I can watch people get hammered and not think about taking even a sip……..I can do whatever I WANT to do withOUT overeating or drinking to feel accepted as part of the group.

I used to think that I had to overeat and/or drink to have fun. I didn’t realize that the true fun was in the people and the situation rather than with what I put into my mouth. Thanks to my program, I do not have to be a slave to excess anymore. I can go out to dinner with my husband & eat a perfectly satisfying, perfectly abstinent meal.  And afterwards, I don’t have to take a Pepto Bismol or feel all that guilt & regret over eating too much. 

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons." ~Jim Rohn

For today, I choose to feel the pain of self-discipline, which is MUCH easier than suffering the pain of regret.