For Today: July 9th

Much of your pain is self-chosen.  It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.

Kahlil Gibran

If it were not for the pain, I wouldn’t be here.  Only when the pain of compulsive overeating became worse than the pain it was intended to kill did I become willing to abandon the pretense of controlling my life.

Getting in touch with my pain is a new experience.  Until the day it brought me to my knees, food was my first line of defense against any and all pain, even that caused by the food itself.

In OA, I have come to understand that I must let myself feel the pain before I can recover.

For Today: I no longer choose to avoid my growing pains.  My Higher Power, my program, my meetings, my friends---all stand with me as I face, head-on, whatever must be faced.

“ Only when the pain of compulsive overeating became worse than the pain it was intended to kill did I become willing to abandon the pretense of controlling my life.”  I call this Rock Bottom.  If not for hitting that low point, I never would have found or maintained Recovery. 

When I am faced with a temptation, I have to ask myself if the food is WORTH the pain it WILL create for me after eating it.  To run the risk of going BACK to the depths of despair as it was pre-recovery days is UNTHINKABLE to me.  So, suddenly, that ‘temptation’ doesn’t seem quite as tempting anymore.

Food has brought me to my knees many times over the years, and it will bring me to my knees AGAIN if I let the COE beast out of his cage.  Fear is an effective tool for me ….. fear of relapse keeps me abstinent and toeing the line, one day at a time.

For today, I choose to EMBRACE my growing pains because they are a sign of healing. To put myself back into denial is something I will NOT do, with God’s help.