For Today: July 18th

Between two stools one sits on the ground.

French Proverb

No, I don’t always know which course to take, where to go, what to do.  But OA says, in effect, “Don’t sweat it.  Ask your Higher Power for an answer and then relax.  Inspiration will come, sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly.”

I once thought I had to have answers for everything.  And they had to be quick, sure, positive, right.  Today I do not know.  I gave up having to know when OA showed me a better way to live.

For Today: Indecision cannot panic me. Whether I have to act quickly or have some time to think, the answer will come freely, from God, if I ask for it.

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From Recovery Meditations:

Who Am I? “Pleased to meet you ...
hope you guess my name.”
Mick Jagger

I am a compulsive overeater. When I first returned to program after years of relapse, that was all I was. I was a tortured body filled with sugar and fat; anger and hatred. I was a compulsive overeater who was out of control, obese and unhealthy. I was a compulsive overeater dying a slow, horrible and deliberate death. I was on my way to shutting myself off from the world, my family, my husband and myself. I was a compulsive overeater who was losing her grip on the will to live.

Then I came back to program, reached out again, and said simply, “Help me.” I found support, love, acceptance and friendship from people who had never seen me or known me. But the fact that I was a stranger to them did not matter. They cared about one thing only: I was a human being reaching out for help. That was all that mattered to them.

After about a month of recovery something changed in me. I became a compulsive overeater in recovery. I was on a fantastic journey towards a new, healthy and brighter life. I was a compulsive overeater with a future, although I did not -- and still do not -- know what that future is. Most importantly, I was a compulsive overeater who realized it's okay to not know what lies ahead. In fact, there is no choice in the matter; it was out of my control. I never had control in the first place. It was all an illusion. When I realized that many things are simply out of my control, I surrendered my useless struggling and accepted the help offered by my new program family and my Higher Power.

I am still a compulsive overeater in recovery and I always will be. But I am so very much more than that. I am one of those people who is reaching out to others in the hope that I can be of help to people who suffer from this disease. I am a person of faith. I am a wildlife biologist and an intern in criminalistics. I am a movie buff, a wife, and a woman trying to become a mother. I am a friend. Without this recovery program, all of those parts of me were fading away, consumed by my obsession; but with this program, I am BACK.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will celebrate the fact that I am on the journey to becoming a whole person again.

~ Claire ~