For Today: July 14th

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along”……You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

Eleanor Roosevelt

The inability to face my fears was one of the primary contributing factors of my illness.  If I did not look fear in the face, I would not know what it was made of; and if I did not know my fears, I would not feel them.  

 Compulsive overeating did an admirable job of helping me bury my fears alive.

The OA program excels in helping us deal with our fears.  One small step at a time, we discover what terrifies us, pass through it and go on with our recovery.  Enlisting the help of a sponsor—and using the other tools---is an effective way to begin facing fear.

For Today:  The help I need to deal with fear is available in the twelve-step program, the OA members and the tools. Am I using that help?

I spent the majority of my life trying to prevent the Fear from settling into my bones. The best way I knew how to numb myself OUT was by eating excess food.  

Many of the Fears I didn’t want to face were nameless. I guess it was just an ‘unsettled’ feeling that I was unable to define…..

But oddly enough, one of my biggest Fears was always being Fat. So what did I do to ‘allay’ that Fear? I ATE! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The vicious cycle was born & it didn’t die off until 3 years ago when I surrendered my powerlessness over food and over LIFE in general.  I let go of my control-freak attitude & asked God to guide me.  Because look where I got myself! Into a fat mess, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Sometimes I am tempted to bury my fears alive once again…..in a big bowl of sugary deliciousness. But nowadays, I KNOW where numbing out gets me………to a bad place. 

What I’ve learned over the years is that my Fears will NOT kill me, but compulsive overeating CAN and WILL, eventually. And, even if it doesn’t kill me quick, it WILL ruin the quality of my life. I’ve proven that fact to myself many, many times over the years; with every compulsive bite I took, I killed off another piece of my soul.

For today, I pray to utilize the tools available to me in this program; to continue journaling my thoughts via this one-year-long commitment to these For Today readings, and to stay true to my food plan of abstinence.

Nothing tastes as good as Abstinence FEELS.