For Today: April 2nd

For Today: April 2^nd

The greatest happiness you can have is knowing that you do not necessarily require happiness.

William Saroyan

Dissatisfaction was one of the hallmarks of my compulsive illness. Few things measured up to my expectations, so I found a way to make it up to myself. I used food to give me the illusion of happiness.

What freedom there is in giving up that chase!---to go somewhere, do something without demanding that I be happy. Paradoxically, it is when I go my way with an open mind, free of expectations, that I most often find my heart singing.

For Today: What do I need, if not happiness? I need the willingness to take what comes, to get out of my own way, to let go the idea that I should feel good all the time.

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Amen! Where is it written that I am entitled to be happy all the time, that life is fair, that I deserve more than the next guy? 

Expectations can breed resentments.

When I set myself up with unrealistic expectations, what I can expect is Disappointment. When I set myself up with Realistic expectations, I get honest & I begin to accept the terms of my disease.  Here is a list of Expectations I have for myself while going through my weight loss journey:

    * Expect to have bad days.

    *  Expect hunger & cravings to come & go

    * Expect to feel sorry for myself because hey, I can no longer eat everything I want & still lose weight

    * Expect to want to quit the program

    * Expect myself not to quit

    * Expect potholes & ruts along the road to good health

    * Expect that if I keep falling into those potholes, I may not be able to pull myself out of them one of these days

    * Expect bad weigh in’s, slow weeks, losses in the ounces instead of the pounds once in awhile; expect a zero loss week from time to time.

    * Expect to feel emotional. I’ve quit using food to anesthetize myself & I  may be feeling my emotions for the first time ever

    * Expect to struggle. Expect that I’ll never have a perfectly fabulous relationship with food.

    * Expect that I’ll always have to use vigilance & awareness when it comes to food

    * Expect to stop expecting to eat my favorite junk foods ‘in moderation’ when you reach goal.

    * Expect that maintenance is not nirvana & I am likely to struggle even more with food than I do  during the weight loss phase.

        * Expect this to be a journey. Don’t expect results overnight & don’t expect to reach goal in X number of weeks. It’ll come when it comes.

    * Expect to be pissed off with the scale. If I rely on the scale as my only measure of success with this journey, expect to quit the program.  

    * Expect to reach goal if I follow the program.

    * Expect stressful situations to crop up in my life. Expect that I will stay on plan during those times & then yes, I will stay OP

    * Expect that if I look for excuses to eat off plan, I will eat off plan & make my struggles even worse

    * Expect that every time you allow myself an ‘extra’, it gets harder to get back on plan 100%

    * Expect to lose my motivation; expect to not ‘feel like’ doing this program sometimes; expect to find some meals boring & uninteresting.

    * Expect myself to do it anyway. Motivation & desire has nothing to do with weight management.

    * Expect that this journey is a process. Once I reach goal, my journey doesn’t ‘end’, in many ways, it just begins.

    * Expect that food has the upper hand in my life & always will. Don’t expect any ‘diet’ to change that fact.

    * Expect to deal with my weight issue for life.

    * Expect my old eating habits to still be around after I lose weight. Expect them to lie dormant only when I stick to my eating regimen.

For today, I pray to put aside my expectations & accept reality, one day at a time.