For Today: April 26th

Doubt is part of all religion. All the religious thinkers were doubters.

Isaac Bashevis Singer

Sometimes I have trouble believing what is in front of my eyes, let alone what I can’t see. Though I no longer doubt my Higher Power, I have periods when I feel its remoteness. Through the pain and fear of these episodes, my faith in the reality of God in my life has grown stronger. However bleak the “dry spell” I am passing through, I know that I have not been abandoned. The grace that saved me before is still there and will be revealed in God’s time, not as a result of anything I do or fail to do.

For Today: As always, I remain abstinent, accepting things as they are and reaffirming that I have placed my life in God’s hands.

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Part of my compulsive nature is to doubt….to want things NOW, to expect everything to turn out how I’d like it to.  During the weight loss phase of my journey, I frequently felt in a rush to reach goal. I wanted to hurry the process along and ‘be done with it.’  It took several months before I realized that the journey never ends, it just changes face a little. Everything comes in God’s time, or, it doesn’t come at all in certain instances.  My commitment is Abstinence, and to go about my daily activities doing the best job I can do. The rest I leave up to God. Even during the ‘dry spells’, when I wonder if He is listening to me, I still maintain my faith, even though I can’t see ‘proof’ of His existence. I can FEEL God in my life, directing me and guiding me, and for that I am grateful.

When I feel at a loss over what to do, I do nothing. I pray and ask for help and it always comes. While I don’t hear God’s voice loud and clear, I feel His answers come to me.

What an infinitely better way to live, with faith and grace, than to anesthetize myself with food.

Even when I feel that God may not be as close as I’d like Him to be, I can have patience and KNOW that my feelings will change soon enough, and I’ll witness another small miracle, or read a God-shot that’s directed right AT me, and then I KNOW….He’s been there all along. It is I who was doubtful.