For Today: April 21st

For Today: April 21st

Man cannot live without self-control.

Isaac Bashevis Singer

As one who had lost control of my eating, I marveled at the self control of others.

Today, abstinent by the grace of God, I gratefully join in the laughter when someone in the group defines a normal eater as “a person who can eat just one cookie.”

I no longer need to learn the “secret” of such self-control. It is more than enough to know that, one day at a time, I can continue to surrender my lack of control to God and receive in return the freedom to enjoy all the good things of life, in moderation.

For Today: I readily admit I have no self-control when it comes to eating. God can and does, however, do for me what I cannot do for myself.

When I came to OA was when I was ready to ditch my dream of being a ‘normal eater.’  I crossed a line somewhere and turned from a cucumber into a pickle. 

“A cucumber can choose to become a pickle, but once he becomes a pickle, he can never go back to being a cucumber.”

Somewhere along the line, I became a pickle. At some point in my career of  developing compulsive overeating habits, I crossed a line. Maybe it was one night while I was devouring the leftovers in the refrigerator even though I wasn’t hungry. Or perhaps it was after a trip to the grocery store for a stash of candy & cookies. Who knows when the transformation took place…I can’t pinpoint the exact moment or event that led me to pickle-hood. Compulsive overeating is a disease of progression. It doesn’t happen overnight…it develops over time. It may start out with a snack after school which then becomes a snack after dinner which progresses to a slice of cake for desert which turns into a whole cake. With a liter of Coke to wash it all down. Can’t have a dry throat after all…or maybe a Diet Coke….I can pretend I’m ‘watching my weight’ by making that Coke a diet…As one compulsive overeater described it, ‘First there was the Friday night eating-all-you-want plan, which quickly became the weekend plan, which quickly slopped over into Monday & Tuesday, which then swallowed up the entire week.’ That’s a good description.

What I know for sure is THIS: the only way to keep my compulsive overeating behavior under control is to stick to a strict eating regimen. If & when I divert from that regimen is when I put myself at great risk of disaster. I am never more than a bite or two away from 225 lbs…my daughter laughs when I say that. It’s not meant to be a joke though, it’s meant to keep me aware of how close I really AM to falling off the wagon & staying there.

For today, I ask God to help me stick to my Food Plan & keep my disease in recovery.