For Today: April 14th

For Today: April 14^th

There is no ache more
Deadly than the striving

to be oneself.

Yevgeniy Vinokurov

I want to be myself, but what is myself? It is being my own person, not the person for another, all the time smiling, joining in, going along and not wanting to at all. That is not being my own person.

Some days I do not know much about myself, but I am aware of my efforts to find out, to grow. I also know that growth comes on its own terms and in its own time. I will be patient. There is nothing else to do.

For Today: To be myself is to say what I mean, make decisions without fear, and give up pleasing people just to gain approval.

I spent the vast majority of my life trying to ‘find myself.’ Who I DID find, at times, I didn’t like. She wasn’t the person I wanted to be, so I’d go back to compulsive overeating to hide out…..to stay away from what & who I was.

OA opened my eyes to the fact that I COULD be anything I set my mind TO being! I could act in a loving, giving fashion, I could smile instead of scowl, I could learn how to live a whole new life simply by surrendering MY will to God. 

 I do know that I'm a work in progress, and, I am continuing to make amazing discoveries about myself that I never thought were possible. I'm not sure I even knew myself before now. I was so hidden in my addiction, I lost my self & my soul inside of it.

“We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.”

Recovery is a life long process & I look forward to finding out even more things about myself! Life is good & I plan to keep it that way, one day at a time.