For Today: October 24th

All the mind’s activity is easy, if it is not subjected to reality.

Marcel Proust

My best thinking got me into trouble. I could ”think” my life to suit me; the only problem was that it didn’t work.  There was too great a gap between what my mind dreamed up and reality.

For a compulsive overeater certain convictions are the bitter enemies of truth.  The conviction that if I had enough willpower I could overcome anything pushed me ever deeper into the mire of addiction.  This program is helping me to let go some long-cherished opinions and attend more to the real nature of things.  I am coming to understand myself as I free my mind of conventional ideas about human strengths and weaknesses.

For myself: I am powerless over food.  No matter how much I wish to control my eating, I cannot.  I am a compulsive overeater, no matter what my mind may have to say on the matter.

For Today:  I turn to my experience with compulsive overeating to help me distinguish conventional thinking from reality.

**************************************************************

If I don't base myself in reality & truth, I will not stick to my food plan.  I will convince myself I can be a 'normal' eater simply by exercising 'willpower' and eating trigger foods 'in moderation.'  I know for a fact this way of thinking is a lie..........and just as much a fantasy as thinking I can turn back the hands of time & become young again.  

Yet, my disease tries to convince me otherwise. 

It's so easy to slip back into the fantasy land I lived in for SO long; where the world operates according to MY wishes; where I am in charge of everything & everyone; where reality has NO place.  

When I live inside my own head is when I get into deep trouble.  Compulsive overeating is a disease of denial and fantasy..........and the OA program has taught me, thankfully, that life is SO much better when I live it with truth and reality.

For today, I will not try to convince myself I'm 'normal' when it comes to my food intake.  For today, I will stick to my food plan which FORCES me to act 'as if' I AM normal.  I will eat 6 small, nutritious meals and if I am still unsatisfied with that food, I STILL won't eat anything more.  For today, I will use food for fuel purposes ONLY.