“Condemn the fault and not the actor of it.”
How many times do we beat ourselves because we have failed to attain the goals we have set? We are human and we suffer from a disease that renders us helpless and out of control. Is it any wonder that we fail in trying to conquer such an unforgiving beast?
It is not ourselves we should be angry with, but the disease and how it affects our actions and reactions. Our inability – or unwillingness -- to realize that we cannot achieve recovery alone is our only true failure. We need help. Without it we are weak and defenseless. This disease would have us believe we are failures ~ but in reality, all we have done is open the doors to our enemy. These doors can be closed again. Our disease not only manifests itself in the form of uncontrollable eating, but also in our negative thoughts and actions towards ourselves and towards the people around us.
It takes no more time to think positively than it does to think negatively. Our only job is to remember that we have a disease. We can choose to forget it, we can choose to beat ourselves up when we leave the door ajar, or we can choose to forgive ourselves and begin again.
One day at a time...
I will work on forgiving myself.
I am worth forgiving.
You are too.
How do I close the doors on my disease of compulsive overeating? By staying true to an abstinent food plan. If I leave that door ajar, my disease comes rushing back IN, leaving me feeling defeated & like a failure as a human being. This is the vicious cycle that makes it impossible for me to control the disease alone, and without support. Once the negative thinking sets in, I see nothing clearly, and I am once again dancing with the enemy.
I try to examine the facts intellectually, avoiding emotional reactions which cause drama & chaos. Intellectually, I know what I must do to maintain my sanity, balance, and to maintain my weight in a normal range. I need to make abstinence my #1 priority in life. When my food intake is under control, the rest of my LIFE is under control. When I open the door to my disease by making exceptions, 'just this once', I INVITE chaos & misery back into my life. It's just that simple. Yet I make unwise choices from time to time, and I always suffer the consequences. I don't delude myself into thinking I'm 'cured', or that I can somehow morph into a 'normal eater'..........but I DO make mistakes, knowing full well that I'm opening a door that I may NOT be able to close again.
At some point, I don't know when, I will cross over a line that I can't recover from. I will go back to compulsive overeating on a full time basis, jumping back into the dark abyss, abandoning my hopes & dreams to a disease that is cunning, baffling & powerful. How can I avoid crossing over that line? By staying abstinent, surrendering my life & my control over to God, by staying connected to my fellow COEs by sharing my experience, strength & hope, and by recognizing the seriousness of the situation.
I will not beat myself up over a mistake, nor will I take a cavalier attitude, sloughing it off as no big deal. Instead, I will live for Today, handing my troubles over to my Higher Power, asking Him to guide me every step of the way. I have the tools to stay the course. Am I using them? For today, yes I am. Yesterday is gone & tomorrow isn't here yet. For right now, I am gratefully abstinent.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.