The Language of Letting Go: May 25th

Loving Ourselves Unconditionally

Love yourself into health and a good life of your own.

Love yourself into relationships that work for you and the other person. Love yourself into peace, happiness, joy, success, and contentment.

Love yourself into all that you always wanted. We can stop treating ourselves the way others treated us, if they behaved in a less than healthy, desirable way. If we have learned to see ourselves critically, conditionally, and in a diminishing and punishing way, it's time to stop. Other people treated us that way, but it's even worse to treat ourselves that way now.

Loving ourselves may seem foreign, even foolish at times. People may accuse us of being selfish. We don't have to believe them.

People who love themselves are truly able to love others and let others love them. People who love themselves and hold themselves in high esteem are those who give the most, contribute the most, and love the most.

How do we love ourselves? By forcing it at first. By faking it, if necessary. By acting as if. By working as hard at loving and liking ourselves as we have at not liking ourselves.

Explore what it means to love yourself.

Do things for yourself that reflect compassionate, nurturing, self love.

Embrace and love all of yourself - past, present, and future. Forgive yourself quickly and as often as necessary. Encourage yourself. Tell yourself good things about yourself.

If we think and believe negative ideas, get them out in the open quickly and honestly, so we can replace those beliefs with better ones.

Pat yourself on the back when necessary. Discipline yourself when necessary. Ask for help, for time; ask for what you need.

Sometimes, give yourself treats. Do not treat yourself like a pack mule, always pushing and driving harder. Learn to be good to yourself. Choose behaviors with preferable consequences - treating yourself well is one.

Learn to stop your pain, even when that means making difficult decisions. Do not unnecessarily deprive yourself. Sometimes, give yourself what you want, just because you want it.

Stop explaining and justifying yourself. When you make mistakes, let them go. We learn, we grow, and we learn some more. And through it all, we love ourselves.

We work at it, and then work at it some more. One day we'll wake up, look in the mirror, and find that loving ourselves has become habitual. We're now living with a person who gives and receives love, because that person loves him or herself. Self-love will take hold and become a guiding force in our life.

Today, I will work at loving myself. I will work as hard at loving myself as I have at not liking myself. Help me let go of self-hate and behaviors that reflect not liking myself. Help me replace those with behaviors that reflect self-love. Today, God, help me hold myself in high self-esteem. Help me know I'm lovable and capable of giving and receiving love. 

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Recovery Meditations: May 24th

PERFECTION

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing,
is giving up on being perfect and
beginning the work of becoming yourself."
Anna Quindlen

"Perfect"...to me that word sounds like: "Do it again. You didn't do it right." That's the message I get from the voices in my head. The messages of perfectionism tell me over and over that I did it wrong. It's a powerful weapon when you use it as a whip against yourself, just like negative messages when you look in a mirror. I have a choice every single moment of every single day to either pick up that whip and hurt myself, or to "get out of my own way" and be kind. I can choose to look in the mirror and be thankful, and to look at myself and feel love. It takes a lot of practice, but it is worth it.

If you love yourself more than you love anyone else, you can feel happiness again. You can create again. You can look at your shadow and say good things about it too! It's another beautiful you ~ unique and wonderfully made.

One day at a time...
I will celebrate the beauty of myself today and everyday.

~ Karen

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Perfection: What a Crock! (My blog)

The maxim, “Nothing but Perfection” may be spelled Paralysis.

Winston Churchill

If I have to do everything Perfectly, why bother even trying? I can’t be perfect, no matter how much I’d like to be or how hard I try. Even when I stayed on plan the entire time I was on the 5/1, I am quite sure I wasn’t ‘perfect.’  When I went out for dinner at least once a week, I didn’t take my food scale with me. So, being unable to weigh & measure my L&G meant that I was guesstimating my caloric intake. It was not ‘perfect’ nor precise. What it was was close enough.

If I strive for utter perfection in my life, I wind up paralyzing myself.

What I do strive for is doing the best I possibly can.

Nowadays in Maintenance, I am not perfect either. What I am, though, is Committed to my food plan & the lifestyle change I undertook back on June 11th of 2008.  On that day nearly 5 years ago, I decided I was going to change my life because I was sick & tired of being fat & medicated because of my own bad eating habits.

I decided to use the Medifast 5/1 to teach me how to develop a routine to follow instead of relying on myself. I saw where that got me: to 225 lbs & a size 2X.

By no means am I perfect but I am Committed. There is a big difference between those two words, isn’t there?

If I have a bad moment with my food intake, that’s what it is: a moment. I get right back to my routine & my food plan if I veer off track momentarily.

The routine is my new lifestyle: eating 6 small, healthy meals a day & working out for 25 minutes after dinner every night. And climbing 4 flights of stairs at work 4 times a day. Whether I feel like it or not. And many, many times I do not feel like it, let me tell you. What I do feel like is staying thin & healthy, more than I don’t feel like exercising or eating right.

But motivation & ‘feeling like it’ has nothing to do with Commitment. And Commitment has nothing to do with perfection.

Once I ditched my ideals of attaining perfection, only then was I able to accept the fact that weight management is an ongoing process. We here at MF call it a journey.  Whatever it is, I can tell you what it isn’t: a struggle for perfection.

If a person strives for Perfection, he’s probably weighed down with the All-Or-Nothing mentality, too. You know…..the “If I Eat One Cookie That Means I Have To Eat The Whole Box Of Cookies” way of thinking? Because hey, if I eat that cookie, I may as well eat the whole box because I’ve already ruined the whole day & now I have to wait until tomorrow to start the damn diet again. The “Day One Again” mentality, which I personally detest. Every day of my life is Day One.  Every day is a new Day One to do the best I can at whatever I attempt. Every day is a new Day One for all of us, unless we don’t wake up that day. And, if we don’t wake up, we will no longer care about earthly matters anyway.

One day at a time, we can do anything. One day at a time, we can ditch the struggle for Perfection & accept the terms of reality. Reality is, we’re prone to being fat; we tend to eat too much; we tend to rather sit on the couch & watch TV than work out; and we’d rather eat what we want when we want to and still be thin & healthy.

When we ditch the fantasy & the struggle for perfection & accept Reality is when we get our heads into the game.

And this is one game that lasts for Life. If you made a mistake this morning, make a healthy choice now. If you ate a cookie, leave it at one cookie & don’t turn it into a Box. If you want to lose weight & get healthy, Make. It. Happen.

I believe you can.

Do you?

My Certified Health Coach Website

Food for Thought: May 23rd

Thinking Thin

Our mental attitude has much to do with our physical reality. "As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is." If we think in terms of being thin, it is easier to adjust our appetite to the smaller amount of food, which we require. In the past, we may have been eating enough for two people. Large numbers of us in OA have lost the equivalent weight of at least one whole person.

By using our imagination to picture ourselves as thin, active, and healthy, we help our bodies adjust to the new image. Our old, fat self may want more to eat, but the thin person we are becoming does not need more. The fat self may grumble at leaving a comfortable chair to go out for a walk or at climbing a flight of stairs instead of taking the elevator. A sharp mental image of a new, thin self helps provide the necessary motivation to get up and go.

God does not intend us to be distorted and encumbered with excess weight. He will help us see the person we are meant to be.

May I become the person You intend.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

My Certified Health Coach Website

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Focus on your good fortune

Think about the things that are right with your life. Think about the good and valuable relationships, skills, tools, resources and opportunities that you have right here, right now.

Focus on what's right with your life, and make the commitment to make it grow. Focus on what's right with your life, and make good and purposeful use of that value to make even more.

It's easy to complain about what's wrong. But not only does that miss the point, it keeps you stuck in a gloomy, ineffectual perspective.

The fact is, there are plenty of good things in your life. The more you pay attention to them, the more thankful you are for them, the more of them there will be.

If you catch yourself feeling sorry for yourself, have the good sense to stop. Re-direct your energy into feeling lucky for the opportunity you have to make a real, meaningful difference.

Focus on your good fortune. It's most definitely there, and you can use it to make a whole lot more.

The Language of Letting Go: May 22nd

Times of Reprogramming

Do not ask for love unless you're ready to be healed enough to give and receive love.

Do not ask for joy unless you're ready to feel and release your pain, so you can feel joy.

Do not ask for success unless you're ready to conquer the behaviors that would sabotage success.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could imagine ourselves having or becoming - and then immediately receiving - what we wanted? We can have and be the good things we want. All good things are ours for the asking. But first, groundwork - preparation work - must be done.

A gardener would not plant seeds unless the ground was adequately prepared to nurture and nourish those seeds. The planting would be wasted effort. It would be wasted effort for us to get what we wanted before we were ready.

First, we need to become aware of our need or desire. This may not be easy! Many of us have become accustomed to shutting off the inner voice of our wants, needs, and desires. Sometimes, life has to work hard to get our attention.

Next we let go of the old programming: the behavior and beliefs that interfere with nurturing and nourishing the good. Many of us have strong sabotaging programs, learned from childhood, that need to be released. We may need to act as if for a while until the belief that we deserve the good becomes real.

We combine this process with much letting go, while we are being changed at the core.

There is naturalness to this process, but it can be intense. Things take time.

Good things are ours for the asking, if we are willing to participate in the work of groundbreaking. Work and wait.

Today, God, give me the courage to identify the good I want in my life and to ask for it. Give me also the faith and stamina I need to go through the work that must be accomplished first. 

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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As a compulsive overeater/food addict, I want everything NOW. Patience is not a strong suit...........preparation falls by the wayside as I plunge right in, expecting results NOW!

Part of being an adult means developing patience.  Developing willingness to put in the footwork in order to achieve the desired results.  I must be willing and accepting.  I must put aside my expectations and accept life on LIFE'S terms.  Expectations breed resentments, and so, I work on letting GO of ALL expectations in life.

When I put in my time and effort, the Universe pays me back by giving me all I NEED.  My wants far exceed my needs, however, and I recognize that.  When I become willing to take what COMES, I begin to differentiate between 'want' and 'need.'

My measured Food Plan gives me all the nourishment my body Needs.  It may not provide me with all the food I Want to eat...............because I enjoy eating sweets for taste.  Those sweets and other junk foods, however, are very harmful to my body AND mind, creating inner turmoil and chaos, so I focus on my Needs versus my many Wants.

For today, I let go of my Wants in favor of my Needs. My faith in God assures me that, when I let go & do the groundwork, everything I NEED will come to me in time.

For today, I pray for the patience to wait for all the good things that I am going to receive.

For today, I pray for the courage to identify the good I want in my life and to ask for it, and to be willing to do the work to achieve my goals.

Food for Thought: May 21st

A Reason to Be Thin

How many times have we been determined to lose weight for a specific occasion or event? A trip, a wedding, a new job, a holiday - there are many such occasions which may have provided inspiration for short term reducing. The problem with losing weight for a specific event is that when it is over there is nothing left to provide an incentive for maintaining the weight loss.

Many of us have spent years losing and gaining the same pounds over and over again. Since the reasons for losing were superficial, the loss was temporary.

What we need is a permanent reason to be rid of fat. When we abstain from compulsive eating and work the OA program, we not only lose weight but we also live better. We have more enthusiasm, satisfaction, and peace of mind, as well as better looks and health. Our reason to be thin is that it gives us a richer, fuller life not just for one occasion but every day. The benefits are worth the price.

May I want to be thin for the right reasons.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 

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I call it 'event dieting'...........wanting to lose X amount of pounds in X amount of time to fit into a certain dress & look good at the class reunion.  When the event passes, so does the desire to lose weight and the incentive to keep it off.  Yo yo dieting is the obvious result of such behavior, and every time we embark on a new one, we weigh more than last time, the binges are worse than ever before, and the hopelessness is palpable.

Abstinence is not a 'diet'. Abstinence is a Food Plan for sanity; something we follow in an effort to avoid the chaos of compulsive eating. Sometimes we forget how bad the chaos WAS while we were compulsively eating, and so we go back...............we'll overeat, 'just this once', to see what will happen. What happens is............we go right back into the clutches of the disease and the addiction triggers again.............and God knows HOW long it takes to get back to the sanity of the Food Plan!

A Binge Too Far, my blog

 Have you reached a point in your program where you’re ready to give UP? To quit entirely, because you can’t seem to get back on track? 

We see an awful lot of people re-committing  after having regained all the weight they’ve lost on the first go-around.  I know that feeling myself, since I spent 4 decades losing and regaining weight, yo yo dieting like a madwoman. 

Why do we DO this? Why do we work SO hard to lose a lot of weight and then wind up regaining it after we give up?

Usually, it’s because we’ve taken a few too many off plan bites. Which led to binges. Which led to one binge too MANY.  There seems to be an invisible line we cross at some point…………..where we lose the battle with self-control………….and we give UP. 

 A binge too far.

Do you know what I’m talking about? 

We stay on plan for a long period of time; the cravings subside and we’re feeling peaceful about food.  Then we fall off plan for whatever reason.  Suddenly our taste buds are all revved up and the cravings come back with a vengeance.  The food obsession kicks in, yet again, and we’re not quite sure WHAT to do to get back on track.

We’re back in the clutches of food addiction rather quickly, and we’re struggling mightily.

We don’t want to give up, but the food is very alluring.  It’s beckoning us constantly, it’s calling our name wherever we go. It’s everywhere and we’re finding it impossible to resist.

Unfortunately, this is the nature of food addiction in general.   And, we’ve given in so many times already, why not give in again? Just for one more day………..one more time…………..one more binge.

Will this be the binge you can’t recover from? Will this be the invisible line you cross over? I don’t know…………and neither do YOU.

Right now you’re faced with a big question: Do you give in AGAIN? Do you quit and regain all the weight you’ve worked so hard to lose?

Or, do you recommit yourself NOW, before you get even further into the muck?

There is no ‘easy’ way. There is either adherence to the Food Plan or there is chaos.

Today, choose peace.  Today, say NO to the chaos.  Today, take YOUR program BACK before it’s too late.  Don’t find yourself back to your starting weight and needing to recommit again.  Do it NOW. Because you know you WILL be back if you regain this weight. And while it may seem like all this delicious food is ‘worth it’, it ISN’T. And you KNOW that.

Don’t fall for the lies the food is promising you. That you’ll feel better after you eat it. You won’t. You will feel worse……….you will feel like a failure.

Come back NOW. Don’t question WHAT to do……………recommit to the Food Plan……don’t tweak it, don’t question it………just come back TO it, today. NOW. In the end, it’s easier than going back to the hopelessness of obesity, isn’t it?

 

The Language of Letting Go: May 20th

Sadness

Ultimately, to grieve our losses means to surrender to our feelings.

So many of us have lost so much, have said so many good byes - have been through so many changes. We may want to hold back the tides of change, not because the change isn't good, but because we have had so much change, so much loss.

Sometimes, when we are in the midst of pain and grief, we become shortsighted, like members of a tribe described in the movie Out of Africa.

"If you put them in prison," one character said, describing this tribe, "they die."

"Why?" asked another character.

"Because they can't grasp the idea that they'll be let out one day. They think it's permanent, so they die."

Many of us have so much grief to get through. Sometimes we begin to believe grief, or pain, is a permanent condition.

The pain will stop. Once felt and released, our feelings will bring us to a better place than where we started. Feeling our feelings, instead of denying or minimizing them, is how we heal from our past and move forward into a better future. Feeling our feelings is how we let go.

It may hurt for a moment, but peace and acceptance are on the other side. So is a new beginning.

God, help me fully embrace and finish my endings, so I may be ready for my new beginnings. 

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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Compulsive eaters think in terms of 'never' and 'forever'.  If we're having a bad day, it computes to having a bad LIFE.  We're so afraid to feel our emotions, thinking THEY will kill us.........forgetting that it isn't emotions that kill, it's addiction.  The drive thru is a faster way to misery and death than sitting through our emotions ANY day.

The only way OUT is THROUGH. When we embrace and accept our disease is when we become willing to go to WHATEVER lengths are necessary to get it into remission and to KEEP it there.

I need not worry about yesterday or tomorrow. Whatever grief consumes me has already passed. What is wrong right NOW, at this very moment? Nothing.

For today, I will live FOR today. I pray to embrace new beginnings today, since TODAY is all I have.  For 24 hours, I can do anything!

Food for Thought: May 19th

Resentments

When we hang on to resentments, we poison ourselves. As compulsive overeaters, we cannot afford resentment, since it exacerbates our disease. If we do not get rid of our anger and bitterness, we will suffer more than anyone. Seeking revenge will harm ourselves in the long run.

Many of us have carried around old grudges, which caused us to reach for food when we thought about them. We don't need the food and we don't need the grudges, either. When we give away the resentments, we are that much lighter in body and in spirit. Now that we have found OA, we have a way to get rid of the animosity and indignation, which has been poisoning our system.

Taking inventory and making amends is an essential part of burying resentments. We need to first be consciously aware of them before we can give them away. These steps usually need to be taken again and again as negative material threatens our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

Take away my resentments, Lord. 

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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When I poison my mind with hate and resentment, I wind up poisoning my BODY with food, booze and cigarettes. It's just THAT simple.

When I let go of all bitterness is when I thrive..........when I am whole..........when I don't need to rely on addictive behavior to 'cope'................I remove the barriers that prevent me from living a full & happy life.

Negativity is no longer a part of my life.  When I run into energy vampires, who try to suck out MY joy, I put up a shield to protect myself from all those vibes! I do not 'have to' absorb ANY negativity into my life. 

For today, I will allow no resentments or bitterness into my day.