Saturday, June 30, 2012

Each Day a New Beginning June 30th

. . . in silence might be the privilege of the strong, but it was certainly a danger to the weak. For the things I was prompted to keep silent about were nearly always the things I was ashamed of, which would have been far better aired . . .
—Joanna Field

It has been said, "We are only as sick as the secrets we keep." Our emotional health as recovering women is hindered, perhaps even jeopardized, each time we hold something within that we need to talk over with others.

Sharing our fears, our hurts, our anger, keeps open our channel to God. Secrets clutter our mind, preventing the stillness within where our prayers find answers. Secrets keep us stuck. Our health, emotional and spiritual, depends on our commitment to shared experiences.

Every secret we have and tell someone, frees that person also to be herself and to grow. Sharing experiences relieves us of our shame and invites the forgiveness we must allow ourselves.

Steps Four and Five facilitate the process of sharing those secrets that block our path to God and to one another. Never can we be fully at peace with secrets left untold. Self-revelation cleanses the soul and offers us life.

I will be alert to the opportunities to share myself and cherish the freedom offered.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
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I've been blogging for 4 years now.  Sometimes I struggle with my 'secrets'.............should I let them be known? Should I keep them as secrets? 99% of the time, I share all of me.......because it helps me, and it helps others as well. 

When I share myself, I allow others the opportunity to know they are not alone with their struggles. Compulsive overeating *and addiction in general* is a disease of isolation.  We tend to hide out in shame & self-loathing, instead of sharing ourselves with others who suffer.  

When I started blogging in June of 2008, I weighed 225 lbs & I was taking a variety of medications for obesity related disease.  Slowly, I came out of my self-inflicted prison cell as I shared my journey and my self. As I released 100 pounds of excess fat, I also released my 'secrets', unburdening myself of all that excess baggage.

Sharing my fears, my hurts, my anger and my struggles keeps open my channel to God.  When I free my mind of excess, chaotic & compulsive thinking, I grow spiritually.  I connect with who I am at the Being.....and I am freed from the materialistic things that once nourished me.

The only 'nourishment' I need comes from God, nature, and the beauty of being one with the Universe.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
          ~Marianne Williamson

For today,  I will make manifest the glory of God that is within me.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Food for Thought: June 29th

The Joy of Abstaining

For someone who has suffered the physical, emotional, and spiritual anguish of compulsive overeating, abstaining is not a restriction but a release. We are released from indigestion, lethargy, fat, and the torment of never-satisfied craving.

If we dwell on the negative aspects of abstaining, such as the foods we are not eating, we will be unhappy. If we continue to concentrate on food, rather than on life and the spirit, we will find it difficult to abstain. The OA program gives us a new set of priorities and opens the door to new life if we are willing to leave our preoccupation with food outside and walk in.

It is good to feel full of energy rather than full of food. It is satisfying to discover new ways to give. There is deep joy in day-by-day spiritual growth. All of these joys become ours through abstaining.

We give thanks for the joy of abstaining.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.
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For years, I used food & drink to escape life; to ignore my Spirit, to impose my will instead of relying on God's will for me. I had closed the door to everything of importance, concentrating on food rather than on life.
So for me, abstinence is a release......... freedom from compulsive thinking & obsessing in general. Once I agreed *surrendered* to an abstinent lifestyle, I was released from stomach issues, lethargy, fat, and most of all, the torment of never-satisfied craving. 

Compulsive overeating forces me to look at life from the sidelines.......through a narrow window, where little light penetrates.  It forces me to isolate & feel separate from the rest of humanity.  There is no 'joy' in addiction.........only compulsive wanting, with no satisfaction. 

A thin, middle-aged woman walks into Safeway; well dressed, well put together, appearing to be in total control of herself and her life.  Some may look at her and think she’s lucky.

Appearances can be deceiving.

Unbeknownst to all that come in contact with her, that woman is on a mission.  Despite her cool, calm & collected exterior, a raging addict is driving her every thought, filling her mind with chaos.  Screaming in her ear that the ONLY thing she NEEDS is a bunch of junk food to calm down.  That’s all. Just hurry up and eat as much as you can, as quickly as you can, and then, I promise, You Will Feel Good.

All reason is gone from her mind, replaced by an overwhelming need to stuff herself and shut DOWN. Forget. Numb. Escape. Turn OFF her brain NOW. Stop thinking, worrying, counting, calculating. 

Afterward, when the sanity & awareness return, she is exhausted and beaten down.  As she comes out of the sugar coma, she asks herself WHY? What drove her to do it? Why did she lack the self-discipline that carries her through the rest of her life with relative ease? Why? Why does this ONE issue keep reappearing? Why can’t she get THIS under control?

The self-hatred she feels is palpable.  Nauseous & physically sick, dying of thirst, head pounding……..feeling enormous physical repercussions from the act of consuming thousands of useless calories over a one or two hour period of time.

She sleeps fitfully, tossing & turning, waking several times during the night to acid reflux and the ever pounding head. And the guilt.  The anxiety…..bordering on panic…….that overtakes her when she remembers the horrid and shameful act.

Yet, every time she wakes up, she thinks to herself, What Else Can I Eat Since I’ve Already Blown It?

If she eats more, she shuts herself down again, not having to think or worry about Why.

When she wakes to face the new day ahead, she feels incapable.  She wants to stay in bed, pull the covers up over her head, and hide. Dwell in the shame & self-loathing that’s overtaken her mind. Why get dressed & attempt to look good? For what? She feels unworthy of looking good.

She has to get up, though.  She goes thru the closet trying to find the ‘fat clothes’…….the loose fitting garments that will disguise her bloated & uncomfortable belly.  Everything feels wrong. Like so much effort.  It would be so much easier to go back to bed & turn the TV set on, and veg out instead.

The day is sunny & bright outside, but inside, she feels dark & shrunken. Hopeless.  She’s managed to push all that light out of her mind, and replace it with fear instead.

She swallows a few antacids & a couple of pain relievers.  Runs a brush through her hair, which looks limp & lifeless this morning…….exactly the way she feels.  The tears well up in her eyes as the memories of yesterday come flooding back, taking over her mind, as usual.

She drags herself through the day, vowing that she will never binge again.  

Until the next time.

By the grace of God, I’ve managed to stop this vicious cycle of binging & self-hatred.  That’s not to say I’ll never do it again.  It is to say that, for today, my program is more important to me than the temporary pleasure of a binge. 

The consequences are just too costly, too risky, and too debilitating; emotionally, physically & spiritually.

For today, I will stay committed to my food plan.  I will not dwell in the past, nor will I focus on the future.  All I have to do is concern myself with NOW.

And for NOW, I can do anything, with God by my side & a firm food plan to keep my mind from wandering too far off course.  Limited choices = serenity & inner peace.

For today, I will embrace my light & be all that God intends me to be.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

The Language of Letting Go : June 28th

When Things Don't Work

Frequently, when faced with a problem, we may attempt to solve it in a particular way. When that way doesn't work, we may continue trying to solve the problem in that same way.

We may get frustrated, try harder, get more frustrated, and then exert more energy and influence into forcing the same solution that we have already tried and that didn't work.

That approach makes us crazy. It tends to get us stuck and trapped. It is the stuff that unmanageability is made of.

We can get caught in this same difficult pattern in relationships, in tasks, in any area of our life. We initiate something, it doesn't work, doesn't flow, we feel badly, then try the same approach harder, even though it's not working and flowing.

Sometimes, it's appropriate not to give up and to try harder. Sometimes, it's more appropriate to let go, detach, and stop trying so hard.

If it doesn't work, if it doesn't flow, maybe life is trying to tell us something. Life is a gentle teacher. She doesn't always send neon road signs to guide us. Sometimes, the signs are more subtle. Something not working may be a sign!

Let go. If we have become frustrated by repeated efforts that aren't producing desired results, we may be trying to force ourselves down the wrong path. Sometimes, a different solution is appropriate. Sometimes, a different path opens up. Often, the answer will emerge more clearly in the quietness of letting go than it will in the urgency, frustration, and desperation of pushing harder.

Learn to recognize when something isn't working or isn't flowing. Step back and wait for clear guidance.

Today, I will not make myself crazy by repeatedly trying solutions that have proven themselves unsuccessful. If something isn't working, I will step back and wait for guidance.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
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The definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over & over, expecting different results.
When I force the issue, insisting on 'fixing' it my way, I solve nothing. In fact, I create an even bigger problem. 
 What makes me think I have all the answers?  Only God has the answers, and I trust Him to guide me, rather than my own stubborn pride.

Developing spirituality helps me to rely on my gut instincts; to back off when all the indicators point in that direction, and to listen to the message I'm being given.

When an answer does not appear to me immediately, I have the patience to wait until it does.  I don't have to act compulsively or impulsively, cramming my way down everyone's throat.

If I was an expert at living life, I wouldn't have eaten my way up to obesity or drank myself into oblivion.

For today, I will recognize when something isn't working or flowing. I will detach, step back, and wait for clear guidance. 

For today, I will not make myself crazy by trying to rule the world.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The Language of Letting Go: June 27th

Achieving Harmony

When a pianist learns a new piece of music, he or she does not sit down and instantly play it perfectly. A pianist often needs to practice each hand's work separately to learn the feel, to learn the sound. One hand picks out a part until there is a rhythm and ease in playing what is difficult. Then, the musician practices with the other hand, picking through the notes, one by one, until that hand learns its tasks. When each hand has learned its part - the sound, the feel, the rhythm, and the tones - then both hands can play together.

During the time of practice, the music may not sound like much. It may sound disconnected, not particularly beautiful. But when both hands are ready to play together, music is created - a whole piece comes together in harmony and beauty.

When we begin recovery, it may feel like we spend months, even years, practicing individual, seemingly disconnected behaviors in the separate parts of our life.

We take our new skills into our work, our career, and begin to apply them slowly, making our work relationships healthier for us. We take our skills into our relationships, sometimes one relationship at a time. We struggle through our new behaviors in our love relationships.

One part at a time, we practice our new music note by note.

We work on our relationship with our Higher Power - our spirituality. We work at loving ourselves. We work at believing we deserve the best. We work on our finances. On our recreation. Sometimes on our appearance. Sometimes on our home.

We work on feelings. On beliefs. On behaviors. Letting go of the old, acquiring the new. We work and work and work. We practice. We struggle through. We go from one extreme to the other, and sometimes back through the course again. We make a little progress, go backward, and then go forward again.

It may all seem disconnected. It may not sound like a harmonious, beautiful piece of music - just isolated notes. Then one day, something happens. We become ready to play with both hands, to put the music together.

What we have been working toward, note by note, becomes a song. That song is a whole life, a complete life, and a life in harmony.

The music will come together in our life if we keep practicing the parts.

Today, I will practice my recovery behaviors through the individual parts of my life. I trust that, one day, things will come together in a full, complete song.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
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 This is one of the most profound & beautiful readings I've posted in ages! All of the Recovery readings hit home, but this one touches my heart deeply.

Although my actions seemed disjointed at first, and I felt like I was floundering around, looking for some sort of harmony, I had faith.  I pressed on.  I did what I had to DO, whether I 'felt like' it or not.  I used the 'fake it til you feel it' mentality.

I was scattered and disconnected.........but I stuck to my food plan, no matter WHAT. I read the literature, I went to meetings, I reached out to others who were suffering.

And eventually, a pattern emerged.  A routine sprung up and IT kept me moving forward........carried along with the current, so to speak.  My 'music' sounded like nails on a chalkboard in the early days of recovery.  But in time, all those squeaky notes blended together to make a beautiful song. 

Practicing good behavior creates a new life; one that springs UP out of the ashes & rubble of addiction. Good actions create good thoughts, and that's what I've learned over the years.

When you have faith............everything comes together one day to create a complete, harmonious lifestyle that allows you to live in freedom, one day at a time.

“In God's economy, nothing is wasted.
Through failure, we learn a lesson in humility
which is probably needed, painful though it is.”
Bill W., Letter of 1942

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The Language of Letting Go June 26th

Surviving Slumps

A slump can go on for days. We feel sluggish, unfocused, and sometimes overwhelmed with feelings we can't sort out. We may not understand what is going on with us. Even our attempts to practice recovery behaviors may not appear to work. We still don't feel emotionally, mentally, and spiritually as good as we would like.

In a slump, we may find ourselves reverting instinctively to old patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving, even when we know better. We may find ourselves obsessing, even when we know that what we're doing is obsessing and that it doesn't work.

We may find ourselves looking frantically for other people to make us feel better, the whole time knowing our happiness and well being does not lay with others.

We may begin taking things personally that are not our issues, and reacting in ways we've learned all too well do not work.

We're in a slump. It won't last forever. These periods are normal, even necessary. These are the days to get through. These are the days to focus on recovery behaviors, whether or not the rewards occur immediately. These are sometimes the days to let ourselves be and love ourselves as much as we can.

We don't have to be ashamed, no matter how long we've been recovering. We don't have to unreasonably expect "more" from ourselves. We don't ever have to expect ourselves to live life perfectly.

Get through the slump. It will end. Sometimes, a slump can go on for days and then, in the course of an hour, we see ourselves pull out of it and feel better. Sometimes it can last a little longer.

Practice one recovery behavior in one small area, and begin to climb uphill. Soon, the slump will disappear. We can never judge where we will be tomorrow by where we are today.

Today, I will focus on practicing one recovery behavior on one of my issues, trusting that this practice will move me forward. I will remember that acceptance, gratitude, and detachment are a good place to begin.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
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As a compulsive person, I tend to think a bad day will last forever & ever. In reality, a bad day is just that: a bad DAY.
If I obsess and revert to old patterns of thinking & acting, I am setting myself back in my program of recovery. If I do that, I can recognize it for what it IS and nip it in the bud!
I don't expect every moment of my life to be without stress or trouble. My program of abstinence & sobriety keeps me feeling good spiritually, emotionally & physically, so that I'm able TO cope with whatever stress comes down on me.  Will I cope 'perfectly'? Probably not.  But this program has given me the tools to cope a whole lot BETTER than I would have a short time ago.
For today, I will take baby steps in practicing my recovery behaviors. I will not expect perfection from myself, nor will I expect every day to be rainbows & ponies.  
For today, I will practice acceptance, gratitude for all the good in my life, and detachment from matters  I have no business involving myself with.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Recovery Meditations: June 25th


“One must really have suffered oneself to help others.”
Mother Teresa

Before coming into the program, I always worked in some sort of caring profession and was always either helping or “fixing” someone else ~ mostly in areas in which I had no personal experience. I was a people-pleaser and I would be there for someone else. If anything needed to be done, I was the one to offer to do it. But ultimately that backfired because I would feel used and resentful, and I would land up in the food as my way of compensating.

Since coming into program I have changed the way I help others. Instead of doing for others so they would like me -- or so I would get a pat on the back -- I share my experience, strength and hope with other compulsive overeaters. I have been where they have been, and I can share with them my struggles and how I've overcome them. Not only do I help others in the program with what I have learned, but, as they say, I can only keep what I have if I give it away. I get as much -- if not more -- from sharing with another in the program. How different this is from the way it was before I began the program, and I'm so grateful for that!

One day at a time...
I will share my experience, strength and hope with another compulsive overeater. By doing so, I get to keep what I have so generously been given in this program.

~ Sharon
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Feeling 'used & resentful', then eating or drinking to compensate..........boy can I ever relate to THAT!
When I give of myself for the right reasons, I expect nothing in return. When I give of myself out of guilt, that's when I feel used & abused............and entitled to soothe myself with excess. 

I set down boundaries with loved ones who suck the life out of me by being negative and demanding. It is not my 'job' to make THEM happy, and trying to do so is an exercise in futility. It hurts MY program to be a people-pleaser. Trying to 'fix' someone's life is crazy.........I have my own life to focus on, thank-you-very-much.
Today, I am able to share my experience, strength and hope with people who are in similar situations, with compulsive overeating problems and alcohol issues. I don't give 'free advice'...........I don't expect a pat on the back or that everyone is going to love me.  I share myself as a way of giving back, and to preserve what I have so generously been given in this program.
For today, I will reach out to others who suffer, AND, I will take care of ME by setting down boundaries with toxic loved ones.  For today, I pray that someone else can benefit from hearing about my struggles, and know they are not alone.

We're all in this together, one day at a time.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Each Day a New Beginning: June 24th

If you attach yourself to one person, you ultimately end up having an unhealthy relationship.
—Shirley MacLaine

Needing people in our lives is healthy, human and natural. Needing a single person to love at a very deep level, is also soothing to the soul's well-being. Love and attachment are not synonymous, however. They are close to being opposites. If we "attach" ourselves to others, our movements as separate individuals are hampered. Attachment means dependency; it means letting our movements be controlled by the one we are "hooked" to.

Dependency on mood-altering chemicals, on food, on people, means unmanageability in our individual lives. Many of us in this recovery program, though abstinent, still struggle with our dependency on a certain person or a certain friend.

The tools we are learning apply in all cases of dependency. It is healthy independence we are striving for-taking responsibility for our own lives-making choices appropriate for our personal selves. Loving others means letting them make their own choices unhampered by our "attachment."

Are my relationships attachments or are they based on love? I will take an inventory of them today.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation
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When I depend on mood altering substances, I am purposely detaching myself from God, my Higher Power.  When I think I can 'go it alone' is when I'm deceiving myself, and apt to revert to old coping mechanisms to get by.
When I rely on God to 'get by', I am on the right path to spiritual fulfillment. NO amount of 'using' can ever provide me with what I truly need to thrive.
Depending on others to make ME happy is also a mistake. If I try to control someone else, I fail miserably.  Seeking personal fulfillment from someone else never works. I find such fulfillment from within, and reliance on a Power greater than myself.
When I detach with love from another's issues is when I know I'm working my plan properly.  I can't fix the world, nor do I strive to do that.
I am a separate person, a single Being, and while I love many people in my life, I am not attached to them at the hip.  I recognize their need for independence, as well as my own need for independence. 
My mood is not reliant on my loved one's mood. If they are miserable, they can own it, not me. If I take on THEIR misery, I make myself miserable and then we ALL suffer.
For today, may I continue to detach with love from other people's problems. May I continue to live in the peace & serenity of abstinence & sobriety, one day at a time. 

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Just For Today: June 23rd


“We didn’t stumble into this fellowship brimming with love, honesty, open-mindedness, or willingness….When we were beaten, we became willing.”
Basic Text, p. 20

Surrender may be the necessary foundation for recovery, but sometimes we fight it. Most of us look back after some clean time and wonder why on earth we fought so hard to deny our powerlessness when surrender is what finally saved our lives.

As we recover, new opportunities to surrender present themselves. We can either struggle with everyone and everything we encounter or we can recall the benefits of our first surrender and stop fighting.

Most of the pain we experience comes from fighting, not surrendering. In fact, when we surrender, the pain ends and hope takes its place. We begin to believe that all will be well and, after some time, realize that our lives are much better as a result. We feel the same way we did when we gave up the illusion that we could control our using-relieved, free, and filled with fresh hope.

Just for today: Is there a surrender I need to make today? I will remember my first surrender and remind myself that I don’t need to fight anymore.
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When I was brought to my knees for the millionth time because of alcohol & food abuse, I was at rock bottom.  After reading Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol (food) and our lives had become unmanageable, I cried with relief! There was someone who understood what I was feeling? That remarkable state of powerlessness, that no matter HOW much I drank or ate, it would never be enough?

Yes. There was, and still is, a whole group of people who understand ME, sometimes even better than I understand myself! They are located at AA meetings and OA meetings all over the world, and I thank God for the fellowship!

When I fight my disease & compulsions, I give them power.  When I surrender my disease & compulsions, I empower myself by allowing God to run my life instead of me. 

No amount of food or booze on earth is enough to fill the spiritual void that existed in me when I hit rock bottom.  One's too many & a million's not enough. 

Today, I love myself..........the part of me that is alcoholic, the part of me that is a compulsive overeater...........all of me.  I am a child of God and worthy of love & everything good life has to offer.

I  approve of and accept myself. Who I am is good enough. My best yesterday was good enough; my best today is plenty good too.

God, help me let go of the messages that drive me into the crazies. I will give myself permission to be who I am and let that be good enough.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Recovery Meditations: June 22nd


“Trust God and buy broccoli.”
Author Unknown

I heard that quotation in an OA meeting years ago. “What an odd thing,” I thought. “Why does God care what I buy?” But as years have gone by and my abstinence continues one day at a time, I see the meaning of that phrase and have deep respect for its principle.

I can trust God 'til the cows come home, but there is work to be done. A more familiar quote is: “Trust God but continue to row toward shore.”

Abstinence for me is not only refraining from compulsive overeating, but abstaining from what I call my “alcoholic foods.” They block that beautiful contact between me and the Sunlight of the Spirit. It is my responsibility to purchase, prepare, weigh and measure the best foods for my peace of mind ~ and to open the channel to a Power Greater than Myself. Now I live this way, with thanks to the twelve steps.

One day at a time...
I will be grateful that food does not have power today.

~ Gerri
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Trust God & buy broccoli..............means I have to do the footwork before God can help me stay the course.  As my mother used to say, "God helps those who help themselves."
If I choose to indulge in addictive trigger foods, I wind up blocking the light from my mind, and retreating back into myself where I isolate.  There is no beauty in quote Marianne Williamson:

".....  playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
When I am abstinent & true to myself & my food plan, I am not playing small. I am allowing my own light to shine, reveling in the beauty & magnificence of life!
For today, I will do the footwork & allow God to take over & do the rest.  For today, I will put abstinence at the TOP of my priority list. Without it, everything else falls to pieces, including my serenity.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Food For Thought: June 21st


If we think of discipline in terms of punishment, we miss the more constructive meanings of the word. Discipline is order, training, practice, and study. Without it, our lives are ineffective and full of chaos. Before we came to OA, our eating patterns were probably chaotic. We may have been short of order in other areas, too.

Discipline is a tool, which produces self-respect and a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction. When we discipline ourselves to eat three measured meals a day, we achieve physical and emotional results, which make our spirits, sing! The discipline of the OA program liberates us from the tyranny of self-will and self-indulgence.

As we develop trust in our Higher Power, we begin to see that the hardships and difficulties we face are means to spiritual development. Through them, we acquire self-discipline and strength. Our lives become ordered according to God's plan.

Make me willing, Lord, to accept the discipline of an ordered life. 

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.


“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”

~Jim Rohn


An abstinent lifestyle is a disciplined one...........chaos-free and structured.  Prior to finding this program, my entire life was out of control. I ate and drank what I wanted, when I wanted to.  And that self-centered behavior produced chaos, misery and a huge disconnect from my Spirit.  Doing things 'my way' wasn't working...........I wasn't capable of running my life while controlling the world at the same time.  <Snicker>

When I surrender to the program, I discipline myself to an ordered life.  I enjoy the fruits of my labor in the form of spiritual and emotional development, and my physical being is healthy at the same time.

When I stop assigning labels to life's events, such as 'good' or 'bad', I am able to accept the hardships that come about as a means to my spiritual development.  What seems to be 'bad' can turn out to be the best thing that's ever happened to me........God pushing me towards growth, knowing I wouldn't do it on my own without His interference.

For today, I am grateful for the discipline of my ordered life.  While some may call a structured routine 'boring', I call it a miracle.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Food for Thought: June 20th

Head Hunger

Those of us who overeat are responding to distorted signals. When we consume food that harms rather than helps our bodies, we are eating in response to some irrational demand in our head rather than because of legitimate physical hunger. The mental obsession with food is an illusion, but one to which we cling with great tenacity.

When we feel "hungry," we need to stop and evaluate the signal. Is it coming from our stomach or from our head? Often, it is after a meal that we most strongly crave something more to eat. This is either because we ate so fast that our stomach has not had time to register satisfaction or because eating has awakened a giant, insatiable appetite for more. It is frequently our mind that wants more, even after our body has had quite enough.

Emotions such as fear, anger, and anxiety can trigger "head hunger." We need perception and insight to know whether the hunger comes from our body or our mind.

May I learn to respond to the legitimate needs of my body. 

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.


Most often, I have the desire to continue eating after I've had a meal.  I've awakened a giant, insatiable appetite for 'more', that also extends to 'more' in other areas of my life.  Excess never manages to fill the false need, and my desires frequently outweigh my actual needs.

When I live inside my head, my thoughts propel me into action. What makes me think I must respond to every thought that pops into my mind??? They are just thoughts.........not demands for action!

I rarely experience true stomach hunger, since I eat small meals throughout the day. If one of my meals is off schedule, then I DO feel true hunger, which is not an emergency! For most of my life, I've treated the slightest bit of hunger AS an emergency, often eating far more than my body needed, in an effort to squash down the panic.

Nowadays, I've learned to respond to the legitimate needs of my body, rather than responding to the chronic mind chatter that tells me to eat eat eat.  When my stomach feels full, I can stop eating, push the plate away, and recognize 'enough'. Food is used to fuel my body instead of to shut up the voices in my mind urging me to eat to the point of feeling sick.

I still have my moments of mind hunger though. And sometimes I give in to it. No amount of food on earth will satisfy my mind, however, and that's the risk I take when I attempt to do that.

For today, I will feed my body with healthy food at regular intervals. When my mind urges me to have a taste of a food that is dangerous to my abstinence, I will recognize mind hunger & not confuse it with physical hunger.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Language of Letting Go: June 19th

The Language of Letting Go

Making Life Easier

Life doesn't have to be hard.

Yes, there are times we need to endure, struggle through, and rely on our survival skills. But we don't have to make life, growth, recovery, change, or our day-to-day affairs that hard all the time.

Having life be that hard is a remnant of our martyrdom, a leftover from old ways of thinking, feeling, and believing. We are worthy, even when life isn't that hard. Our value and worth are not determined by how hard we struggle.

If we're making it that hard, we may be making it harder than it needs to be, said one woman. Learn to let things happen easily and naturally. Learn to let events, and our participation in them, fall into place. It can be easy now. Easier than it has been. We can go with the flow, take the world off our shoulders, and let our Higher Power ease us into where we need to be.

Today, I will stop struggling so hard. I will let go of my belief that life and recovery have to be hard. I will replace it with a belief that I can walk this journey in ease and peace. And sometimes, it can actually be fun.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
My Health Coach Website
My Blog
Staying abstinent is hard; being fat is hard: choose your hard.
Sometimes I make my own problems, cause my own struggles, and make all of life a whole lot harder than it ought to be.  I tend to be my own worst enemy.

Recovery is a beautiful state of being. It is not a state of chaos and struggle, but a peaceful, accepting state of mind.  I have the ability to choose exactly how  I approach this journey, and I choose to approach it with eagerness and an attitude of fun.  Choosing to eat healthy foods is not boring or a burden to me, but something I look forward to & enjoy.

For today, I will not be a martyr. I will not complain about my burdens, or lament one moment of what transpires today, no matter how 'bad'.

For today, I believe that I can walk this journey in ease & peace, with God by my side & joy in my heart.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Food for Thought: June 18th


There are certain foods, which we will always associate with home and which make us nostalgic to recapture the past. No matter how much we eat, we cannot go back home and again be the babies and little children we were. No food will satisfy our longing for the love, care, and safety most of us associate with home. Even (and especially) if our dependency needs were not met when we were young, eating unnecessary food now will not help.

As we grow in relationship with our Higher Power, we begin to believe that home lies ahead, rather than behind us. We begin to see that our homesickness is for a spiritual state instead of a physical place. Wherever we are, we are pilgrims and travelers, not sure of our final destination but drawn toward something more than what we know in this world. We sense that though we are in the world, we are not of it, that we are homesick for a spiritual fulfillment.

May our homesickness bring us closer to You. 

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980

"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience."
~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

I can't go back home & be the child I once was; I can't recapture time when life was oh-so-simple and mother was in charge of my care.  Nor do I WANT to, frankly..........

As my relationship with God has grown stronger over the years of recovery, I realize that home DOES lie ahead, rather than behind me. My final destination is a state of spirituality where my body is no longer a part of me.

To have spent SUCH a long time dwelling ON my body makes me sad. I am not my body; I am my soul and my spirit, my capacity for love and caring, my ability to give TO my fellowman.

For today, I will let go of the obsession with my physical state of being and focus on my spiritual condition instead.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Each Day a New Beginning: June 17th

Wisdom never kicks at the iron walls it can't bring down.
—Olive Schreiner

God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. Many times - yesterday, last week, today, and even tomorrow - we'll come face-to-face with a seemingly intolerable situation. The compulsion to change the situation, to demand that another person change the situation, is great. What a hard lesson it is, to learn we can change only ourselves! The hidden gift in this lesson is that as our activities change, often the intolerable situations do, too.

Acceptance, after a time, smooths all the ripples that discourage us. And it softens us. It nurtures wisdom. It attracts joy and love from others. Ironically, we often try to force changes that we think will "loosen" love and lessen struggle. Acceptance can do what our willpower could never accomplish.

As we grow in wisdom, as we grow in understanding, as we realize the promises of this program, we'll stand ready, as women, to weather all our personal storms. Like the willow in the wind, we'll bend rather than break. And we'll be able to help our sisters become wise through our example.

My lessons are not easy. But they will ease my way. Better days begin, today.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation


 One of the hardest lessons I've learned along this journey is Acceptance; to accept that which I am powerless to change.

Since I am a 'fixer' by nature, I tend to demand an intolerable situation be changed! Who am I to play God? It's not my job to change what IS; it's my job to ACCEPT what 'is' and to remain peaceful throughout.  Each situation I face in life is there for a reason.  Each situation I face brings with it a lesson which I am to learn and grow from. 

If everything in life were easy, where would wisdom be learned? It's through my struggles & difficulties that I learn and grow. 

If I weather my personal storms with grace & acceptance, and if I don't rage against whatever faces me, I will be like a willow in the wind; bending rather than breaking.

My addictions have broken me in the past, brought me to my knees in defeat & humiliation.  Through those defeats came recovery; without them I wouldn't have found the inner peace & strength I enjoy today.

For today, I will not lament my difficulties. Instead, I will embrace them, knowing such difficulties have arisen as a means to help me achieve wisdom. 

For today, I will Accept the things I cannot change.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Food for Thought: June 16th

Satisfaction Comes from Inside

Why do we continually expect to be satisfied by taking in and possessing things from the outside? Amassing material goods and possessions more often than not stimulates rather than satisfies our appetite. What we do and contribute satisfies us more than what we have and consume.

When we are at peace within ourselves and in contact with our Higher Power, we make fewer demands on the outside world. When we are able to use our abilities in productive work and can give of our emotional and spiritual strength to other people, we feel replete.

Nothing from the outside can bring us happiness if we are at war with ourselves. Chronic dissatisfaction indicates that we have not turned our will and our lives over to God's care, but are still trying to run the show egotistically. Complete surrender opens the way to satisfaction.

I want to surrender to the inner needs of my spirit. 

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.


No matter how much I eat or drink, it's never enough. Material possessions cannot bring me satisfaction or inner peace, either.  The more I look for satisfaction from the outside, the less I find.

When I give back is when I do feel complete. When I surrender my will and my life to God is when I reap the benefits of inner peace.

Being at war with myself for 40 years, and hating my body kept me separated from humanity, separated from my Self, and insisting that my dissatisfaction was due to circumstances beyond MY control.  It was someone else's fault that I was unhappy.

Allowing my ego to stay in charge brings me unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Until and unless I surrender, I stay trapped in my body and mind, refusing to embrace my inner Spirit.

For today, I will allow God to run the show.  I will put my ego in storage and rely on my food plan to keep me abstinent and at peace with myself and the Universe.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Food for Thought: June 15th

Our Barometer

When we find ourselves preoccupied with thoughts of food, we know that something is wrong. Our obsession acts as a barometer, which measures emotional pressure. If we are out of tune with our Higher Power, if doubt, resentment, and egotism are taking over, then our disease symptoms begin to surface. It is time to stop and take inventory.

The experiences, which other compulsive overeaters share with us, give insight into our own behavior. We gain a sharper awareness of our own defects and are less prone to blame external circumstances for our hurts and difficulties.

If we are becoming obsessed with food again, or if we are rationalizing deviations from our eating plan, we need to carefully examine our emotional and spiritual life. Something is out of gear. Concentration on Steps Ten and Eleven is especially important when compulsive thoughts and behavior indicate that all is not well.

Make me sensitive to the state of my emotional and spiritual health, I pray. 

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.


When my emotional pressure cooker is cranked UP, I start thinking about food.  How nice it would feel to have a binge on junk food in an effort to shut my thoughts down.  When I question my capabilities, or when I start worrying about things OUT of my control, that's when my thoughts turn to food.

Concentration on Steps 10 & 11 is especially important when compulsive thoughts & behaviors indicate that all is not well:

  • Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
  • Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out
 When I find myself wanting to binge, I have to stop and send God a Knee-Mail. I need to repeat the Serenity Prayer, and remember that I'm not responsible for running the world and playing God.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

I cannot change my past, what's done is done.  I cannot change situations I have no control over, such as the possibility of a lay-off I face in September.  I can change my future by living for today, to the best of my ability, and by staying true to my food plan. I can change myself, by recognizing my character defects and working to change/surrender them. 

For today, may I recognize the fact that a binge does not help me in any way, nor does it change a situation for the better.  A binge only worsens every aspect of my life and causes fear to take over instead of spirituality.  For today, may I recognize that God will guide me safely through whatever dilemma I face.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Food for Thought: June 14th

Positive Addiction

Since we seem to have addictive types of personalities, we can make this characteristic work for us, rather than against us. We can develop life-enhancing habits - positive addictions.

The OA program is an example of positive addiction. We become habituated to writing down a food plan, attending meetings, making phone calls, and working the program. We replace the negative addiction to compulsive overeating with a positive commitment to abstinence.

Other activities, which we perform regularly take on the character of positive habits. Exercise is a healthy routine. Hobbies and creative self-expression can be habitual parts of our daily schedule. Whenever we choose a life-enhancing activity and perform it regularly until it becomes an ingrained habit, we are using our addictive tendency to build ourselves up rather than tear ourselves down.

Thank You, Lord, for positive addictions. 

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

 What each of us can contribute to the world is unlike every other contribution. Each talent is slightly different from every other talent. And they are all needed. We are all needed.

Creativity - any kind - writing, photography, cooking, childcare, weaving, managing, woodworking - nourishes the self that feels isolated and worthless. And as the self is nourished, it grows; it recovers.

Recovery means changing our lifestyle. It means reaching out to others and being there for one another. It means rejoining the human race by giving of ourselves. Our talents are the gifts the human race awaits, needs, in fact. Do we know our talents?

I will search out my secret dreams today. In them lie my talents. I will develop them.

For today, I will replace my unhealthy addictions with healthy ones instead. I will work on developing my creativity & sharing it with the universe.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Food for Thought: June 13th

Food for Thought

In OA meetings, we sometimes hear reports of "research" done by a member who breaks abstinence in order to find out whether he or she is still a compulsive overeater. The experiment invariably proves that once a compulsive overeater, always a compulsive overeater. Among the results are remorse, regained weight, and weakened control.

It has been said that we are like someone who has lost a leg. We do not grow a new one. We can, nevertheless, learn to live with our disability if we are willing to abstain and follow the OA program. Most of us find that we cannot go back to eating binge foods moderately, but we can avoid them. We are like the alcoholic who can lead a normal, satisfying life as long as he or she stays away from alcohol.

Further research is not necessary. By accepting our need for a disciplined eating plan, we can benefit from the experience of those who have been in the program longer than we.

May I remember that further research is unnecessary. 

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.


I've done so much "Research" into my compulsive overeating, I should have a PhD in the subject!
Experimenting with dangerous fire WILL burn me.  How many times should I 'prove' that to myself before I understand?

Although I've been burned 1,000 times with my research, I may choose to do so again, just to be 'sure.'  But not today.  For the next 24 hours, I choose to live in Peace & Serenity by sticking to my Food Plan which does not include trigger foods of any kind.

In my dresser drawer I keep a small plastic case. Inside that case is a candy bar & a shooter size bottle of booze, along with an index card with the Serenity Prayer written upon it.  Any time I'm interested in seeing my life go down the DRAIN, I can open that plastic case, remove the contents and ingest them.

For today, I will hang up my chemistry coat & stick to the proven facts: I was a COE, I am still a COE, and I will always BE a COE.  No further 'proof' is necessary.  If I pick up a candy bar, it will have the same effect on me as picking up a 'small' glass of wine.

For today, I rejoice in my abstinence & hold onto it like the precious treasure it IS!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Each Day a New Beginning: June 12

If people only knew the healing power of laughter and joy, many of our fine doctors would be out of business. Joy is one of nature's greatest medicines. Joy is always healthy. A pleasant state of mind tends to bring abnormal conditions back to normal.
—Catherine Ponder

Feeling joyful may not come naturally to us most of the time. We may, in fact, have to "act as if" with great effort. We may not even recognize genuine joy in the beginning. A technique for finding it is living fully in the present and with gratitude for all we can see, touch, and feel.

The open and honest expression of gratitude for the presence of the ones closest to us now creates a rush within our breasts, a rush that will be shared by our friends, too. Joy is contagious. Joy is freeing. Joy brings into focus our distorted perceptions. Greeting life with joy alters every experience for us and for those we share it with.

I will bring joy wherever I go today. I will give the gift of joy to everyone I meet.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.


Greeting the new day with a smile isn't always easy. Stress and worry may prevail, which can easily block out joy.  When my to-do list is longer than my arm, it can seem like there is no joy in the grind.

If I treat every situation with either Acceptance, Enthusiasm or Enjoyment, then I'm able to feel joy & spread that wealth.  When I stay rooted in the moment, I don't have to feel anxiety about the past or the future and I allow myself to feel the joy of now.

  “I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don't want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.”
Shauna Niequist,
Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life

For today, I will laugh out loud, at least twice, but probably more.  For today, I am grateful for the gift of life I carry within me, and the ability to bring joy with me wherever I go. 

Monday, June 11, 2012

Recovery Meditations: June 11th


“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses
your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit
must break, that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain."
Kahlil Gibran

There was much to be unhappy about in my childhood. There was also a lot of unhappiness in my adult life. Until I found The Recovery Group online, that unhappiness was the driving force in my life. That force robbed me of the ability to see and enjoy the many wonderful things that I had experienced. I wore a cloak of sadness, bitterness and resentment ~ I had been short-changed. It was the old glass-half-empty, glass-half-full story....poor me.

Being able to share the pain and unhappiness I have known has freed me from the power it had over me. Clearing away the wreckage is enabling me to see my part in some of the unhappiness I've known. It has enabled me to see more clearly that there is so much for which I can be grateful. It has enabled me to see that I truly AM the person of value which I had represented myself to be towards others. I am integrating that person into the "unacceptable" being I carried within. I have seen others here endure challenge, pain and hardships with so much grace. I have learned that pain is, indeed, inevitable. I have the choice whether to dwell on the pain morbidly, or to instead focus on the joy of this day.

One day at a time...
I will live in the joy of this day and I will strive to share this wonderful gift of self-acceptance to others in program.

~ Karen A.


My childhood was full of pain........I don't know a compulsive overeater who's childhood wasn't.  I developed a 'poor-me' attitude along with compulsive overeating habits way back when I was 5 years old and trying to deal with a traumatic revelation: that I was adopted. That news hit me like a brick in the face, and immediately left me feeling isolated & absolutely separate from the rest of the world. No brothers or sisters to talk to, nobody that looked like me, nobody I could pour my heart out just felt overwhelming to me and shut me DOWN.

As an adult, I am grateful for the fact that I was adopted; I was the lucky one, in reality.  After finding my birth family and discovering a bunch of shockingly horrible facts, I was able to move ON and become whole, finally, after 40 years of struggle. 

That was the day I began my journey to recovery; the day I found my biological family.  I was finally 'real', not dropped on the porch by The Stork, and, as ugly as the story was, it set me free.

Pain is inevitable. I have the choice of dwelling in the painful past or focusing on the joy of this day, and celebrating.

For today, I choose to move forward in my life & my recovery, and to rejoice in who I am. 

For today, I thank God for my life.........all of it.......the good, the bad & the ugly.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Food for Thought: June 10th


This is a particularly dangerous habit for compulsive overeaters, since when we put off unpleasant or difficult tasks, we may revert back to our old escape route - eating. The result is that the unpleasant situation is still with us, and we are less able to deal with it. The longer we procrastinate, the larger the difficulty looms. Even small responsibilities left undone weaken our self-respect.

Often we procrastinate because of fear that we are inadequate for the job to be done. Sometimes we are simply rebelling against doing something we do not want to do. If we are taking a daily inventory, we will examine our motives and use the subsequent self-knowledge for constructive action.

Whatever it is that we are putting off, it will rarely become easier to do later. This is especially true if we are procrastinating about our abstinence! The time is now.

Since today is all I have, may I use it wisely.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation


I sometimes procrastinate.......I put off today what I can do tomorrow. :(   As a result, I cause myself unnecessary anxiety.  I know this, yet I still sometimes do it!

As far as I've come on my journey, I still feel fear about inadequacy.  "Will I be enough?" "Am I good enough?" "Will I be able to perform?"

When I throw myself into the chore/task that faces me, using either:
Enthusiasm or

then I accomplish what I need to accomplish, without causing myself (or anyone else) to suffer.

For today, I will tackle a task that I've been putting off, and I will tackle it with Acceptance AND enthusiasm!

"You will either step forward into growth,
or you will step back into safety."
Abraham Maslow

For today, I choose to step forward into growth, no matter how uncomfortable the growing pains turn out to be.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

The Language of Letting Go: June 9th


Few situations - no matter how greatly they appear to demand it - can be bettered by us going berserk.
—Codependent No More

Don't panic!

If a swimmer was crossing a great lake, then suddenly focused too heavily on the distance remaining, he might start to flounder and go under - not because he couldn't swim, but because he became overwhelmed by panic.

Panic, not the task, is the enemy.

Many of us have moments when we feel crowded and overwhelmed. We have times when we feel like we cannot possibly accomplish all that needs to be done.

We may be facing a task at work, an improvement in ourselves, or change in our family life.

For a moment, it is helpful to look forward and envision the project. It is normal, when we look ahead at what needs to be done, to have moments of panic. Feel the fear, then let it go. Take our eyes off the future and the enormity of the task. If we have envisioned the goal, it will be ours. We do not have to do everything today, or at once.

Focus on today. Focus on the belief that all is well. All we need to do to reach our goal is to focus on what presents itself naturally, and in an orderly way, to us today. We shall be empowered to accomplish, peacefully, what we need to get where we want to be tomorrow.

Panic will stop this process. Trust and guided action will further it. Breathe deeply. Get peaceful. Trust. Act as guided, today.

We can get back on track by treading water until we regain our composure. Once we feel peaceful, we can begin swimming again, with confidence. Keep the focus simple, on one stroke, one movement at a time. If we can make one movement, we have progressed. If we get tired, we can float -- but only if we are relaxed. Before we know it, we shall reach the shore.

Today, I will believe that all is well. I am being led, but I shall only be led one day at a time. I will focus my energy on living this day to the best of my ability. If panic arises, I will stop all activity and deal with panic as a separate issue.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.


It's very easy to panic when looking at the 'big picture' with weight loss.  How on earth am I going to lose 100 lbs? It's going to take me forever

The task at hand seems overwhelming, and as a classic compulsive overeater, I want what I want and I want it now God, please & thank you very much.  Panic is the enemy here, not the task at hand.

It's important for me to live in the NOW; to take my life in small chunks, and to stop projecting the future.  When I insist on living in tomorrow, I create a story in my head, and then I'm forced to cope with the outcome of that that isn't even real! The 'what if's' swallow me up, and I find myself drowning!

I don't have to accomplish 1,000 tasks today, nor do I have to finish everything on my to-do list. 

When I find myself getting panicky, I ask myself a simple question: What is wrong at this very moment?  The answer is always the same: Nothing.

For today, I will focus on today only, and the belief that all is well. For today, I believe that I am empowered, and peaceful enough, to get where I want to be tomorrow. 

For today, all is well.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Food for Thought: June 8th

Trick or Treat

Our devious minds have a way of enticing us with visions of sugar plum "goodies" which can trick us into forgetting that we are compulsive overeaters. What may once have been a treat is now, for us, poison. The so-called treat can trick us into taking the first compulsive bite, which we know is always our downfall.

We need to change our thinking so that we no longer consider refined sugars and starches and former binge foods to be treats. Eating them has caused us great unhappiness in the past, and we will not be deluded into thinking that another time will be different.

Through the OA program, we are gaining the self-knowledge which arms us against the assaults of temptation. Our enemy is clever. We need the protection of our Higher Power and the strength that comes from working the Twelve Steps.

Protect me, Lord.

 From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation


Taking that first compulsive bite is what gets me spiraling out of control, onto a binge, and suffering the ramifications.  Every. Single. Time.

Taking that first compulsive bite allows me to continue's almost as if the power to remain abstinent has been taken away from me and I have no other choice.  I've consciously made the decision to take that first compulsive bite on more than one occasion, too. 

My devious mind can easily lead me astray IF I allow it to.  Falling for the 'sugar plum' enticement is a trick of epic proportions!!!!

For the most part, I don't consider sugar & former binge foods to be 'treats'. When I am stressed out, eating those types of foods only worsens my stress and causes me to shut down & hide.  What I need to do during times of high stress is to reach out for help, not shut down and isolate, burying my head in a bowl of sludge!

For today, I'm not playing the trick or treat game.  For today, I am relying on my Higher Power to guide me. I know He is available 24/7 and all I need do is call on Him for help.