Condemn the fault and not the actor of it.
How many times do we beat ourselves because we have failed to attain the goals we have set? We are human and we suffer from a disease that renders us helpless and out of control. Is it any wonder that we fail in trying to conquer such an unforgiving beast?
It is not ourselves we should be angry with, but the disease and how it affects our actions and reactions. Our inability, or unwillingness -- to realize that we cannot achieve recovery alone is our only true failure. We need help. Without it we are weak and defenseless. This disease would have us believe we are failures ~ but in reality, all we have done is open the doors to our enemy. These doors can be closed again. Our disease not only manifests itself in the form of uncontrollable eating, but also in our negative thoughts and actions towards ourselves and towards the people around us.
It takes no more time to think positively than it does to think negatively. Our only job is to remember that we have a disease. We can choose to forget it, we can choose to beat ourselves up when we leave the door ajar, or we can choose to forgive ourselves and begin again.
One day at a time...
I will work on forgiving myself.
I am worth forgiving.
You are too.
I don't 'conquer' my disease...........there is no cure for it. I work my program of abstinence on a 24 hour a day basis, making the decision to stick like glue to my Food Plan. Otherwise, if I allow myself a 'taste' of an off plan food, I am literally jumping back INTO the pit of compulsive overeating. COE brings with it a host of ugliness, including negative thinking and negative behaviors towards myself & everyone else.
I'm not angry with myself OR with my disease, truthfully. Acceptance is at the root of recovery, not anger or self-pity. I DO need help, and I take that help from God and from my fellow COEs who I communicate with on a daily basis.
If I open the door to my disease and invite it back into my life, then I must pick myself UP and move forward, putting abstinence FIRST on my list of priorities once again. If I didn't dislike myself while overeating, then why would I want recovery? It's kind of a catch-22........don't beat yourself UP when you fall off the wagon...........forgive yourself.........move on, etc. However, I've 'forgiven' myself about a zillion times over the past 56 years...........and now, I think it's time to stop making the bad decisions that lead me to the need for forgiveness!
For today, I will not confuse who I AM with how I ACT. I am not my body. I am my soul and my heart......my capacity for love and kindness. If I choose to eat off plan today, I won't hate mySELF but I will definitely hate my behavior. I have the choice, as a human being, to stay committed to abstinence and for today, I will