For Today: April 13th

For Today: April 13^th

We are all dangerous, til our fears grow thoughtful.

John Ciardi

I can hold onto fear that serves the purpose of keeping compulsion alive,  or I can turn my life---one moment at a time---over to my Higher Power. Does that thought provoke a tremor of anxiety?  Fear keeps me locked into self-will. My fears may not make the headlines or be a threat to others, but compulsive overeating is a killing disease---slow, patient, agonizing. Yes, I want more to be revealed to me, so I may uncover the nameless terrors and put them in the healing light of my Higher Power.

The fears that clamp my being into compulsion fall by the wayside as I open my heart to God.

For Today: I can find instructions for dealing with my fears in the twelve steps. For details, I refer to the AA and OA literature.

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Fear is at the root of my compulsive behavior; fear of change, fear of feeling an emotion I don’t want to feel. Using food to stuff back emotions for an entire lifetime becomes a habit that’s pretty hard to break.   It’s hard to sit still and just feel…without busying myself or eating to tamp down the restlessness. If it weren’t for my Food Plan, I’d be out of control. I thank God I have a solid plan in place to keep me on track. I can’t eat through my fears, anxieties and worries anymore, thanks to what I’ve learned in OA, and for that I am forever grateful. I CAN get through my feelings WITHOUT eating them away.  If I do that, the feelings are even more overwhelming when I’m ready to face them. My emotions won’t kill me, but obesity WILL, and that death will be a slow, agonizing & worst of all, spiritually bereft.

For today, I pray to listen to my Higher Power & understand His plan for me. He is able to do for me what I am unable to do for myself: allow me to live with peace & appreciation for all in life that is good & beautiful.