For Today: March 31st

For Today: March 31^st

The only way to predict the future is to have the power to shape the future.

Eric Hoffer

In the days when I was a practicing compulsive overeater, I could not predict my behavior. I went through life a sliver, slice and slab at a time, thinking, this time I will control it. But it is not controllable, not predictable. That is the disease of compulsive overeating. Powerless to carry out my good intentions to eat only certain amounts, I found myself unable to manage other aspects of my life as well.

Through I have come a long way, I am not cured. I have a daily reprieve that, by enabling me to abstain today, restores to me the power to become the person I want to be.

For today: I turn my life over to my Higher Power and in return I receive the full use of my God-given potential.

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I really don’t have the power to control my eating when I get started with trigger foods or extras of any kind. The only time I have control is when I’m sticking to my food plan 100% with no deviations.

But, occasionally, I forget. I start thinking I can control the bites, the extra, the ‘just this once’ moments.

I can’t.

Only God can help me lay my compulsion to rest.

I’ve given up my abstinence several times over the past 2 months; every time  I let it out, it hits me harder than last time, and, it’s harder to get abstinent once again.

I’ve gone back to the MF program for the time being. Sometimes I feel like the only way I know how to eat is from little white packets.

Dieting is a direct violation of the OA way & I know that.  But, I need to get my head back in line so I’ll be clear minded enough to work the steps fully & properly.

I get lost sometimes. I forget who’s in charge & I think it’s ME.  That skewed logic gets me in trouble every time.

For today, I pray to remember that God is in charge of my life, not me. I pray to achieve total abstinence once again & to ask God to help me hang onto it for dear life.

Struggling is part of living. Struggling with food is a choice I consciously make when I allow myself to eat trigger foods. For today, I pray to remember that when the going gets tough.

And it will get tough; it always does. Only when I give in do I struggle.

I need to REMEMBER that.