For Today: March 17th

For Today: March 17^th

Abstinence is as easy for me as temperance is difficult.

Samuel Johnson

Deciding I’m going to have a binge tonight and then quit is like saying I’ll be green-eyed today and go back to being blue-eyed tomorrow morning. As crazy as that sounds, it’s what I did before I came to OA. Against all the evidence, I thought I could handle an occasional pig-out, as many noncompulsive people do. I stubbornly refused to recognize the difference between myself and the normies.  I could not stop.  As one OA pout it, “First there was the Friday night eat-all-you-want plan, which quickly became the weekend plan, which quickly slopped over into Monday and Tuesday, which then swallowed up the entire week.”

For Today: As a compulsive overeater, it is far easier for me to abstain from overindulgence in food than to try to become a “normal” binger.

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I particularly like this reading. I call it the Monday Morning Diet Plan. After spending all week bingeing, I’d start my new diet ‘on Monday morning.’  Naturally, Monday came & went & I was still pigging out.
For me, one bite is too many & a million is not enough.

I used to think only trigger foods & sugar would lead me to a binge. I was wrong. Taking that first compulsive bite of ANYTHING can lead me to ruination!  As soon as I tell myself it’s ‘ok to have just a bit more’, I’m setting myself up for a fall.

I know for a fact that it IS easier to stick to my Food Plan & stay abstinent than it is for me to try & eat ‘in moderation.’

I know that if I decide to ditch my program, I will never lose the weight again. This is it, this is my time to keep it off or resign myself to a life of obesity. And this time, if I let the tiger out of his cage, I won’t be able to get him back inside & I WILL eat myself up to 300 or more lbs.  I watch shows on TV about morbidly obese people who can’t get out of bed and I think to myself,  ‘ther e but for the grace of God go I.”  I understand that mentality as a compulsive overeater. 

Moderation is not a word that exists in my vocabulary. 

For today, I pray to stay Abstinent & not feel as if I have the luxury of taking one more bite.

For today, I pray to be grateful & recognize all the amazing beauty life now has to offer me, thanks TO my abstinence.

For today, I pray to never forget what it feels like to hate myself because of my behavior.  As long as I stay Abstinent & work the Steps, I do NOT ‘have to’ feel that self-loathing at all.