Recovery Meditations: November 6th

~ FREEDOM ~

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

The Bible, Book of John


In the past, when I was threatened by another person's thoughts, beliefs, actions, or desires, I simply deemed them completely unacceptable and worked hard to convince the other person just how wrong they were. I cited all kinds of religious doctrine and politically correct ideas to try to convince the other person why their ideas were unacceptable.

This "convincing" was nothing more than an attempt to control another so I wouldn't have to face myself or any of the things that caused me anxiety and fear. All I succeeded in doing was forcing others to help me lie to myself. Of course, this also created its own anxiety and fear, so I had to do something to cover it up. What did I do? I compulsively overate, I binged, I purged, I exercised, I starved myself, I abused laxatives, and on and on.

Today, because of my Higher Power and the gifts of this program, I can look at why some thoughts, feelings, beliefs and desires threaten me. I can be gentle with myself as I look at which of my "boo-boo buttons" have been pushed. I can ask myself how I've been hurt by these ideas in the past and learn how those "boo-boo buttons" were produced in the first place.

Just like a wound, exposing my hurts to the sunlight helps them heal. Bringing them out into the light helps me see all the truth about them--not just the distorted parts I felt in the darkness. I can see what my part was and I can see what the part of others may have been. Through working the Twelve Steps, I can find peace with these hurts and experience the promise of not regretting or wanting to close the door on the past.

One Day at a Time . . .
I can set myself free from the darkness by looking at past hurts in the light of truth.

~ Sandee S. ~

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The Road to Freedom (Blog May, 2011)

If you’re like me, you’ve tried a hundred different diet programs looking for ‘the answer’ to permanent weight loss.

If you’re like me, you’ve successfully lost weight & regained every single pound back, with a couple of extras, to boot.

If you’re like me, you’ve felt like a failure with every new diet venture you’ve taken on.  With every new diet scheme, I lost a little more of ME along with some poundage I managed to regain.

I set myself up for failure & disappointment for the past 40 years as I’ve tried to manage my weight, unsuccessfully.

I thought all my problems would magically vanish if only I could get my weight under control.

When the diet ended, and I STILL had the same problems, I wondered what went wrong? And so the regain began as I went back to the old habits that enslaved me for 40 years.

What went wrong was this: I didn’t like ME. After I’d lost the weight & managed to get my body looking good, I still didn’t like the person I was on the inside.

Because weight loss doesn’t change who we are on the inside. It only changes what we look like on the outside.

Little did I realize that the only thing that had to change for me was EVERYTHING.

When I took on the 5/1 (Medifast), it was to be my last formal diet. At 51 years old, this was IT. I was so DONE with all the weight loss schemes and false promises. I’d either lose the weight AND keep it off, this time, or I’d live out the rest of my life obese & resign myself to it.

But, I wondered, what would be different This Time? What could the 5/1 teach me that I didn’t already know? After 40 years of dieting, I was an ‘expert’ on all things food-related, wasn’t I? I knew all about calories & carbs & fats. I knew all about exercise. I knew all about which foods were ‘fat burners’ and which foods weren’t. Yada yada.

I was, after all, The Diet Queen. Wasn’t I?

Yep, I was the Diet Queen alright, but I really didn’t know anything at ALL about weight management.

Staying committed to the 5/1 100% taught me a great number of things.

While staying true to the food plan, I wasn’t able to overeat & satisfy myself emotionally with the ‘comfort’ of excess food.

 My Certified Health Coach Website

What did THAT do???

That taught me some new coping techniques to deal with my emotions, rather than stuffing them BACK with too much food.

I discovered I didn’t have many good coping skills at all! Who knew? 

Had I not stayed OP all the time, how would I have discovered those truths about myself??? 

I wouldn’t have. And I would’ve stayed ON the very yo-yo diet cycle I was so desperate to get OFF of, once & for all.

I discovered I could eat small amounts of food all day long & still lose weight!

I discovered what was lacking in my life was Structure. I did what I wanted, when I wanted to, and that pertained to eating, to exercise, and to life in general.

I had no formal routine to follow to keep me on track with my life.

That’s what the 5/1 did for me: it taught me the importance of structure & routine when it comes to food. 

If I know that I can eat at 8, 11, 2, 5, 7 & 10 pm every day, I don’t feel the need to overeat any one meal because another one is coming up shortly. This is what keeps me going in Maintenance now, for the past 4 years & 11 months.

Eating on a regular basis.

While I stayed committed to the 5/1, I learned quite a bit about myself. I dwelled in the negative. I found reasons to feel miserable instead of to feel grateful. If I dwelled in misery all the time, didn’t that ENTITLE me to overeat?  

I felt an awful lot of resentment for others.  And, as Nelson Mandela said, "Resentment is like drinking poison yourself and then hoping it will kill your enemies."

I learned what my triggers were/are for overeating. Aside from the usual HALT: hungry, angry, lonely, tired…..boredom drove me to overeat, BIG time. I needed something to DO and if I didn’t have something to DO, I wound up wanting to EAT. Food for entertainment was/is another big trigger for me. HOW could I go out and NOT overeat or have cocktails?? HOW could I possibly have a GOOD time without all that excess?

Staying committed to the 5/1 for a long time forced me to slow down....to look at my life and how I'd been living it.....in super high speed without taking the time to savor the moment.

Staying OP all the time taught me I COULD go out and have a good time without overindulging. I involved myself with the company instead of the calories.

Staying OP taught me that I could get through ANY situation on earth without overeating! Staying OP empowered ME to become a whole NEW me!

Staying OP all the time allowed me to see that I was living the Victim mentality, and wearing my scars like a badge of honor. Didn’t those scars entitle me to overeat? Didn’t the fact that I had lived a less-than-awesome childhood give me the Right to eat & drink to excess? That was the mentality that kept me fat AND kept me miserable. If I was to change my body size, I KNEW I had to change my whole way of thinking.

Staying OP taught me that I COULD commit to something and be successful.

When I was obese, I thought I was lazy & unable to commit to anything long term.  By staying committed to the 5/1, I found out otherwise. If I could stay committed to a Food Plan, I could also stay committed to lots of other things. Like keeping the house clean & orderly; staying Positive instead of Negative, dwelling on the Good instead of the Bad, listening more & talking less, giving Back instead of taking, sticking to a household budget & not overspending.  I worked on my Resentment of others by learning to speak MY mind & to stand up for MYSELF instead of stuffing back all that emotion. All sorts of good behaviors resulted from staying committed to the Food Plan.

I PROVED to myself I wasn’t a worthless person. I PROVED to myself it was my behaviors that needed changing BIG time, in many areas, not just with my food intake.

And it all started with ONE commitment: the Food Plan.

And it flowered from there.

And every day, I’m becoming the person I want to be, and the person God intended me TO be. I finally feel my worth as a human being & thanks to feeling worthy, I no longer feel the need to draw comfort from food.

Staying committed to the 5/1 may not sound like such a big deal for many.  But for me, it was THE biggest deal of my life.

And it all starts with ONE commitment: the 5/1. Stay committed to IT, and find out how to pave YOUR road to freedom, one day at a time, one packet at a time.