Food for Thought: November 15th

Loving Truth

Since it is truth that sets us free - free from our addiction and free from crippling fear - we come to love this truth, even when it hurts. It was mainly our fear that kept us from recognizing the truth about ourselves. We needed help and support from a Higher Power before we could face reality. Now that the OA program sustains us, we can devote our time and energy to striving for truth in all that we think, say, and do.

Our devotion to truth may bring us into conflict with those around us. What we need to remember is that we are not responsible for convincing anyone else of what we believe to be true. We are honest about where we are, but we do not expect or demand agreement from anyone else. Since each of us has a different perspective, we can only know the truth, as we each understand it. Loving truth means that we acknowledge it to be too big for any one of us to grasp completely.

Increase my devotion to Your truth.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.

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My truth is that I am a sugar addict & must abstain from it 100% in order to stay in recovery. I find that most people do not subscribe to my truth.........that they feel 'moderation' should be the key to everything. Had I been able to find 'moderation' with addictive substances, I wouldn't be an an addict to BEGIN with. 

Feeling Deprived (Blog 11/14/13)

After my session with the personal trainer yesterday, I went to Costco.  My husband needed some jeans, and I wanted to pick up some kale vegetable salad mix.  If you haven’t tried this mix, I recommend it highly. It’s contains a peculiar blend of veggies, but they’re very crunchy & satisfying.  I throw out the salad dressing & the bag o’ nuts & cranberries that come along with it, and just eat the greens with low-fat dressing. 

Normally, when I go into Costco, I tend to feel agitated……….like there is ALL this food calling to me, inviting me to eat eat EAT.  The vast majority of the food they offer for sale is NOT on my Food Plan, so I’ve been known to feel deprived, sometimes, and in a big rush to vamoose OUT of there. 

Yesterday was different.  I gave up sugar 100% on July 27^th, and nowadays, I don’t even care about the sweets that confront me on a regular basis.  Prior to July 27^th, I’d be asking myself the “Should I/Shouldn’t I” question, and finding myself in a quandary.  The mind chatter that accompanies such a question is incredibly difficult to cope with. At least for me.  Now that I’m in Maintenance, I have a lot more food choices than I did during 5/1, which can easily lead me to think I have more leeway than I really DO.

I have no leeway at all in Maintenance. It’s just as important, or even MORE important, to follow a structured Food Plan in Maintenance than it was or is during 5/1.  Precisely BECAUSE options can lead me astray, I limit them quite a bit. 

If candy is an option, then I will eat it.  And then the vicious cycle kicks in AGAIN, convincing me that I’m ‘too thin’ or ‘need’ more calories, or worse yet, that ‘some’ sugar won’t be a problem for me.  Now that I’m thin & healthy, I DESERVE some ‘treats’, don’t I?

Nah. I don’t deserve anything but good health & a slim body for LIFE, in actuality.  In order to maintain such a state of being, I must avoid sugar entirely.  Does that make me angry or upset? Nope, not anymore.  Oh sure, it DID anger me for a while that I couldn’t eat like a ‘normal person’ without gaining weight.

But then I had a heart-to-heart talk with myself.  The truth is, I don’t eat like a ‘normal person.’  All the normal people I know don’t have gigantic binges and eat thousands of calories of junk food at one sitting. Nor do they rush out to the gas station to load up on more junk food, after the initial gorge-fest is over with.

Do they?

No, they don’t.  But I did. And I WILL again, if sugar was part of my Food Plan.

I gave up ‘normal’ one night, while foraging through the refrigerator eating cake straight out of the box.  Normal people don’t do that.  I can’t become normal either………it’s too late for that.  A cucumber can choose to become a pickle………but once he becomes a pickle, he can never go back to being a cucumber.

I’m a pickle.

So, yesterday at Costco, I actually browsed the store in a calm fashion, collected what I went in there to collect, paid the bill, stopped at the snack bar for a club soda no ice, and went on my merry way.  I didn’t feel agitated or full of self-pity, either. I actually felt empowered and strong like bull.  Sludge has NO power over me anymore, now that I’ve chosen to give it up for good.

If you question whether YOU can arrive at this place in your journey, the answer is YES, you CAN.  If I can, YOU can.  I just had to be brought to my knees a bunch of times before I became willing to make the decision that I no longer consume junk food. Period.

Life has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need to learn, as we need to learn them.  If you struggle with your program, rest assured you are learning something……a valuable lesson which is required to propel you to the next phase of your journey.  It’s taken me 56 years to arrive at this place of calm & serenity…..but I never would have gotten here had I NOT experienced all the ‘failures’ from my past attempts to change. Have faith, dear ones, and press forward, one day at a time.