Control
Sometimes, the gray days scare us. Those are the days when the old feelings come rushing back. We may feel needy, scared, ashamed, and unable to care for ourselves.
When this happens, it's hard to trust ourselves, others, the goodness of life, and the good intentions of our Higher Power. Problems seem overwhelming. The past seems senseless; the future, bleak. We feel certain the things we want in life will never happen.
In those moments, we may become convinced that things and people outside of ourselves hold the key to our happiness. That's when we may try to control people and situations to mask our pain. When these "codependent crazies" strike, others often begin to react negatively to our controlling.
When we're in a frenzied state, searching for happiness outside ourselves and looking to others to provide our peace and stability, remember this: Even if we could control things and people, even if we got what we wanted, we would still be ourselves. Our emotional state would still be in turmoil.
People and things don't stop our pain or heal us. In recovery, we learn that this is our job, and we can do it by using our resources: our Higher Power, our support systems, our recovery program, and ourselves.
Often, after we've become peaceful, trusting, and accepting, what we want comes to us - with ease and naturalness.
The sun begins to shine again. Isn't it funny, and isn't it true, how all change really does begin with us?
I can let go of things and people and my need to control today. I can deal with my feelings. I can get peaceful. I can get calm. I can get back on track and find the true key to happiness - myself. I will remember that a gray day is just that - one gray day.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation.Sometimes, the gray days scare us. Those are the days when the old feelings come rushing back. We may feel needy, scared, ashamed, and unable to care for ourselves.
When this happens, it's hard to trust ourselves, others, the goodness of life, and the good intentions of our Higher Power. Problems seem overwhelming. The past seems senseless; the future, bleak. We feel certain the things we want in life will never happen.
In those moments, we may become convinced that things and people outside of ourselves hold the key to our happiness. That's when we may try to control people and situations to mask our pain. When these "codependent crazies" strike, others often begin to react negatively to our controlling.
When we're in a frenzied state, searching for happiness outside ourselves and looking to others to provide our peace and stability, remember this: Even if we could control things and people, even if we got what we wanted, we would still be ourselves. Our emotional state would still be in turmoil.
People and things don't stop our pain or heal us. In recovery, we learn that this is our job, and we can do it by using our resources: our Higher Power, our support systems, our recovery program, and ourselves.
Often, after we've become peaceful, trusting, and accepting, what we want comes to us - with ease and naturalness.
The sun begins to shine again. Isn't it funny, and isn't it true, how all change really does begin with us?
I can let go of things and people and my need to control today. I can deal with my feelings. I can get peaceful. I can get calm. I can get back on track and find the true key to happiness - myself. I will remember that a gray day is just that - one gray day.
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"Even if we could control things and people, even if we got what we wanted, we would still be ourselves. Our emotional state would still be in turmoil." Boy howdy, THIS is 100% true!
When I was in charge of the world..............nothing was EVER right! I didn't realize the problems lied inside of ME..............I was convinced it somebody else's fault...............surely not MINE! If only my husband treated me better..............if only my kids weren't so difficult.............if only my friends understood me....................
What a crock.
What an excuse to use.
And how justified my ego FELT in using!!! Poor poor me. I am a victim and life stinks. I was born under an unlucky star. Tsk tsk.
Only when I took responsibility for MYSELF could I see past all the lies.
Only when I gave UP controlling the world was I able to see that happiness lies within ME, not in things or people outside of myself.
Nowadays, I allow myself to have a bad day without declaring the end of the world. It won't last 'forever', nor will I 'never' feel good again.
The sun begins to shine again, truthfully, even when I have a hissy fit and insist it WILL NOT.
For today, I let go of things & people and my need to control. For today, I will deal with my feelings; I will be peaceful and calm. For today, I can get back on track & find the true key to happiness: MYSELF. I will remember that a gray day is just that: ONE gray day.
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