Recovery Meditations: February 29th

~ Patience ~

There is no fruit which is not bitter
before it is ripe.

Publilius Syrus


There are some things in life you simply cannot rush. In the early stages of my disease, I went through life like a steam roller ... impatiently starting one project after another. If there was something in my life that depended on the actions of another for resolution, it was excruciating while waiting on the decision. As a result, sometimes decisions were forced. I have made many bad decisions because of lack of patience.

I have learned that sometimes we have to turn decisions over to others ... we have to let go and let others take control. We must wait it out and hope that our decision to let go was a good one. Many times it is. Sometimes it isn't.

I have become a very patient person ... and sometimes that is to my detriment. It can be hard to find a middle ground in the decision making process. Snap decisions aren't good. Neither are those we sit on forever.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will patiently wait on my Higher Power
to direct me ... to guide me ...
and to help me with the decisions I must make.

~ Mari ~

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Patience was one of the toughest things I've had to learn in recovery.  Being compulsive, I want what I want and I want it NOW.  Impulsive decision making is a hallmark of my disease as well.

In recovery, I've learned to let go & let God direct my life.  I can sit back & allow Him to take over as I wait to see how things pan out.  Am I always good at this?   NO!!!!!!!!!

An old AA saw is this:

TIME = Things I Must Earn

When I put in my TIME is when I earn the fruits of recovery.  When I stamp my feet, wanting it 'yesterday', I wind up spinning my wheels in frustration & wasted energy.

I like how Mari says how it's hard to find a 'middle ground' in the decision making process. Middle ground? Balance? Not a word that I'm overly familiar with! My program, however, forces balance ON me since I have such a hard time finding it myself! 

These days, it's easier for me to make a tough decision after praying on it for a while.  EasIER, not Easy, by any stretch of the imagination, though!

For today, I will give up MY control to God, and pray for the patience to not rush through the process.