Recovery Meditations: February 27th

~ FIGHTING ~

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone ...

The Big Book, page 84

When one goes through life at full speed ahead as I have done, it's hard to really step back and look at one's life. Everything is happening too fast and each day seems to blend into the next and, before you know it, the next segment of life seems to take over.

When I began my Twelve Step recovery program, I found myself slowing down ... examining my life ... observing those around me ... and reflecting on my past. I began to know who I was and I didn't like one of the things I discovered: I was a fighter. I didn't accept people, places or things unless and until they met my expectations of what they should be. I tried to control situations that I should have walked away from. I clung to people I should have distanced myself from. I tried to manipulate things that were toxic to me, and make them un-toxic ... and, in the process, did myself great harm.

When I first read those words from the AABB, "We have ceased fighting anything or anyone," I felt it didn't apply to me ... because at that point, I hadn't categorized myself as a fighter. It took living and working the Steps to realize that. And it took living and working the Steps to take the action necessary to stop being a fighter.

Life is calmer now. Relationships are smoother. I sometimes miss the excitement of going through life as though I were on a roller coaster ... but I won't go back there. Serenity means too much to me. Fighting is something I have put away forever.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will direct my thinking and doing to those things in my life which will contribute to a meaningful and pleasant journey.

~ Mari ~

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When I fight, I look for comfort in excess.  When I complain & find fault everywhere, I again look to my drugs of choice to cope with the 'injustice' of life.

Coming into program has helped me recognize this fighter trait in myself and to lay it to rest.  When I stop fighting & trying to control the world is when I surrender my powerlessness to God.

Living in conflict is harmful to me & to my program.  Having a goal of serenity prohibits me from fighting & causes me to calm down & chill out.

For today, I repeat the Serenity Prayer to find my inner balance:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

As I go about my day, I will look for the good in others. I will not find reasons to fight or to buck the system, and I will have an easier time staying true to my food plan because of it.