For Today: May 18th

May 18^th

Don’t let life discourage you,

Everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.

Richard L. Evans

As newcomers we look at recovering compulsive overeaters who tell us of the happiness, freedom & joy in their lives, and we can hardly comprehend that they were not always this way.  Those miraculous recoveries seem unattainable for us.

One suggestion made to newcomers is to seek out speakers and talk to them after the meeting.  A minute or two of one-to-one conversation will reveal what a formal talk from the podium may fail to get across: members with years of program and lives that are happy, joyous and free are compulsive overeaters who, like the rest of us, began at the bottom.

For Today: Where I am today is a fine place to start.

“The only way out is through.”

 

Where I am today, thankfully, is not where I was when I started the program. 

Where I was on June 11, 2008 was Rock Bottom; 225 lbs, medicated for obesity-related illnesses & anxiety, and feeling hopeless…like there was no way out of the predicament I had gotten myself into.

I didn’t really want to give up my compulsive overeating ways…..after all, I did derive comfort from excess food; it was a handy crutch for me to lean on when life didn’t go the way I wanted it to go.  I could bury myself in excess, numbing myself from reality, and thrive in a land of make-believe.

But the truth is, I wasn’t ‘thriving’, I was existing….surviving….not Living.

Even today, when something upsets me or threatens my serenity, I tend to revert to what I call Survival Mode. It’s when I shut-down & go into hiding. I am trying to preserve myself by curling up into a ball & going back into myself, where I feel safe.

But withdrawing inward isn’t really ‘safe’…..it only gives me the illusion of safety. 

When I surrender my Life to God is when I truly feel at peace; when I try to control everything & everyone in my life is when I feel overwhelmed & unable to function.

Compulsive overeating is a disease of isolation & feeling like I don’t belong anywhere.  The place where I think I draw the most comfort isn’t really where the true comfort comes from. Excess food only provides a very temporary sense of comfort, until I wake up from the food coma & have to face the consequences. Only then am I able to see that food is not a friend or a confidante; it is an inanimate, unloving & uncaring substance that only gives me misery & unhappiness.

My true comfort comes from:

1. My Food/Exercise plan

2. God

3. Family

4. Sharing my experience, strength & hope with other recovering Compulsive Overeaters who understand me for who & what I am.

At my Tuesday evening OA meetings, a very thin & frightened young woman approached me afterwards.  As a newcomer, she was struggling mightily to understand the concept of Abstinence. She had purchased a bunch of different books discussing various diet plans & she was quite confused trying to figure out what was right for her.  Although her body was slim & trim, her mind wasn’t; she had somehow managed to maintain a healthy-looking body but her mind was sending her in too many different directions.  As a compulsive overeater myself, I know all too well how our minds play games & confuse us so thoroughly.

I suggested to this young woman that she throw away all of her books & purchase OA literature only. I explained to her how I eat 6 small meals a day consisting of low fat proteins, vegetables, fruits & low fat dairy products.  We had a good discussion & she left feeling some hope for the first time in ages.

When I give back to others is when I find the most comfort! What plate of food could possibly give me the feelings of usefulness I found from speaking to that still-suffering young girl???

For today, I pray to keep my program intact by giving myself away to others who are still suffering. If someone else can see the miracle of OA through my words, then I am working the best program I possibly can!