For Today: May 6th

For Today: May 6^th

There is no calamity greater than lavish desires.

Lao-tzu

The need to satisfy nameless hungers and lavish desires led me to compulsive overeating.   This is a progressive disease: it starts with moderate amounts of extra food and turns into a nightmare of obsessive overindulgence.

Is there anything that can fill my emptiness and satisfy the hunger no food can allay? Yes; it is the spiritual sustenance that can be found in surrender. I give everything to God and accept in its place the peace “which passeth all understanding.”

For Today: God gives me all I need, though I myself may not know what I need.

This is one of my favorite readings from For Today. Nameless hungers & lavish desires surely DID lead me to compulsive overeating. It starts out with an extra slice of cake or a few cookies, and progresses into a black hole of despair where there is NEVER enough food to fill the void. I used to eat until I was sick, and still it wasn’t enough. I’d never feel full, even after eating thousands upon thousands of calories. That is the nightmare of compulsive overeating in a nutshell.

When I feel like overindulging myself these days, which does happen once in a while, I remind myself that there is NO SUCH THING as ENOUGH.  So why should I get started down a road like that to begin with? Where there is no satisfaction, no comfort…where there is only shame & self-loathing? 

I remind myself that I CAN have that candy bar, anytime I’d like. And I remind myself how it will feel to get BACK on that roller coaster ride into hell. And this time, I probably won’t be able to get off that ride and back into sanity.

If I give up my abstinence today, there may be NO tomorrow for me. It’s just THAT serious. I don’t delude myself otherwise any longer.

For today, I am grateful for another day of abstinence & serenity.

For today, I am grateful for my satisfying Food Plan that allows me to eat in moderation & not feel deprived.

For today, there is no reason on earth to eat excess food or to even consider it. I remind myself that I would be INSANE to go backwards, into the darkness,  and that my only option is to move forward, with faith & hope, into the light of Recovery, with God at my side, every step of the way.