Recovery Meditations: October 12th
GRIEF
“To spare oneself from grief at all cost
can be achieved only at the price of a total detachment,
which excludes the ability to experience happiness.”
Erich Fromm
In the years before program I lived in a bland state of non-feeling and I ran away from all painful emotions, especially loss and grief. Of course my drug of choice was always there to keep the painful emotions at bay. Whenever I experienced any kind of loss, I was always able to focus my attention on other things. Instead of feeling my own emotions, I focused on being strong for someone else whose loss I perceived to be greater than mine. For some strange reason I didn’t think I had the right to grieve.
After losing a beloved cat recently, I was overwhelmed by all the painful emotions of loss and grief. It was almost as though all of my previous losses were combined into this latest loss, but instead of running from my feelings, I allowed myself the luxury of grieving for my cat who was so special to me. This time I didn’t need to run away into my addiction. Of course it was hard and painful, but I know that allowing myself to feel even uncomfortable feelings like this is part of being alive and that means allowing myself to feel both the positive emotions and the negative ones.
One day at a time...
I will allow myself to feel both the good emotions and the bad ones. Because I have a program, I don’t need to blot them out with addictive behavior.
~ Sharon S.
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Each Day a New Beginning
...there are two entirely opposite
attitudes possible in facing the problems of one's life. One, to try and
change the external world, the other, to try and change oneself.
—Joanna Field
God grant us the courage to change what we can - ourselves. How difficult it is to let go of our struggles to control and change someone else. How frequently we assume that everything would be fine if only someone else would change. All that needs to change is an attitude, our own.
Taking responsibility for improving one's own life is an important step toward emotional health. Blaming another for our circumstances keeps us stuck and offers no hope for improved conditions. Personal power is as available as our decision to use it. And it is bolstered by all the strength we'll ever need. The decision to take our lives in hand will exhilarate us. The decision each day to be thoughtful, prayerful, and wholly responsible for all that we do will nourish our developing selves. Each responsible choice moves us toward our wholeness, strengthening our sense of self, our well-being.
I will change only who I can today: myself.
—Joanna Field
God grant us the courage to change what we can - ourselves. How difficult it is to let go of our struggles to control and change someone else. How frequently we assume that everything would be fine if only someone else would change. All that needs to change is an attitude, our own.
Taking responsibility for improving one's own life is an important step toward emotional health. Blaming another for our circumstances keeps us stuck and offers no hope for improved conditions. Personal power is as available as our decision to use it. And it is bolstered by all the strength we'll ever need. The decision to take our lives in hand will exhilarate us. The decision each day to be thoughtful, prayerful, and wholly responsible for all that we do will nourish our developing selves. Each responsible choice moves us toward our wholeness, strengthening our sense of self, our well-being.
I will change only who I can today: myself.
From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey
© 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
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Food for Thought
Moving Forward
Time past is gone forever, and we can never go back to it. Even our disease progresses forward. We cannot expect to control it by a return to measures, which may have worked for a time in the past. Those methods eventually failed, and trying them again will only bring us to the same point of failure.
The only way to avoid repetitious failure is to move forward creatively as our Higher Power leads us. Each day is a new creation, and each day brings new lessons and opportunities. We build on what is past, but we do not need to repeat it.
Moving forward involves risking what is unknown. The old, familiar rut, depressing as it is, is a known quantity. Moving out of it requires that we have courage and that we trust in One who knows and cares. To move on, we must act. Insights do not produce growth until they are accompanied by specific actions.
May I risk new actions as You lead me forward.
Time past is gone forever, and we can never go back to it. Even our disease progresses forward. We cannot expect to control it by a return to measures, which may have worked for a time in the past. Those methods eventually failed, and trying them again will only bring us to the same point of failure.
The only way to avoid repetitious failure is to move forward creatively as our Higher Power leads us. Each day is a new creation, and each day brings new lessons and opportunities. We build on what is past, but we do not need to repeat it.
Moving forward involves risking what is unknown. The old, familiar rut, depressing as it is, is a known quantity. Moving out of it requires that we have courage and that we trust in One who knows and cares. To move on, we must act. Insights do not produce growth until they are accompanied by specific actions.
May I risk new actions as You lead me forward.
From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L.
©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation
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The Language of Letting Go
Being Gentle with Ourselves
During Times of Grief
The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining, sometimes exhausting. Some people need to "cocoon for transformation," in Pat Carnes's words, while going through grief.
We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas of our life may be reduced, temporarily. We may want to hide out in the safety of our bedroom.
Grief is heavy. It can wear us down.
It's okay to be gentle with ourselves when we're gong through change and grief. Yes, we want to maintain the disciplines of recovery. But we can be compassionate with ourselves. We do not have to expect more from ourselves than we can deliver during this time. We do not even have to expect as much from ourselves as we would normally and reasonably expect.
We may need more rest, more sleep, more comfort. We may be more needy and have less to give. It is okay to accept ourselves, and our changed needs, during times of grief, stress, and change.
It is okay to allow ourselves to cocoon during times of transformation. We can surrender to the process, and trust that a new, exciting energy is being created within us.
Before long, we will take wings and fly.
God, help me accept my changed needs during times of grief, change, and loss.
During Times of Grief
The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining, sometimes exhausting. Some people need to "cocoon for transformation," in Pat Carnes's words, while going through grief.
We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas of our life may be reduced, temporarily. We may want to hide out in the safety of our bedroom.
Grief is heavy. It can wear us down.
It's okay to be gentle with ourselves when we're gong through change and grief. Yes, we want to maintain the disciplines of recovery. But we can be compassionate with ourselves. We do not have to expect more from ourselves than we can deliver during this time. We do not even have to expect as much from ourselves as we would normally and reasonably expect.
We may need more rest, more sleep, more comfort. We may be more needy and have less to give. It is okay to accept ourselves, and our changed needs, during times of grief, stress, and change.
It is okay to allow ourselves to cocoon during times of transformation. We can surrender to the process, and trust that a new, exciting energy is being created within us.
Before long, we will take wings and fly.
God, help me accept my changed needs during times of grief, change, and loss.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
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Misery is optional.
We may have learned to be miserable, but we can choose to unlearn it. Though we can't control what happens to us, we can determine how we will interpret and react to what happens. We can moan about the things we don't like, using them as excuses for self-pity ("poor me"), or we can implement the Serenity Prayer, accepting what we can't change and changing what we can.
In the past, we often made ourselves miserable by over-doing things. Now, how often do we continue to invite misery by thinking we ought to be able to control other people? What part do unrealistic expectations play in the creation and continuation of our misery?
When we're hurting, we need to do something about it. A physical hurt may require a doctor; an emotional pain may call for a therapist or friend, and spiritual distress may indicate the need for more prayer and meditation, closer contact with a Higher Power. We can accept responsibility for our feelings, become willing to go to any lengths to get well, and choose not to be miserable.
Responding with misery is not on my list of options for today.
You are reading from the book:
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