TRUTH
"The truth will set you free,
but first it will make you miserable."
James A. Garfield
After years of therapy, I thought I knew myself fairly well. I prided myself on my integrity, honesty and responsible nature; however, my morbid obesity and compulsive overeating reflected the exact opposite of these values. After breaking many resolutions to myself, starting and stopping countless diets, and continuing to have no control over my eating, I began to doubt my integrity. How could I keep a commitment to everyone I knew and yet break my promises to myself over and over again? It wasn't until in a moment of frustrated clarity I blurted out, "I'm acting like an addict!" Finally I experienced my own truth.
I am an addict. I am addicted to food. I use food to fill the gaping black hole within me. I use food to anesthetize my pain. As a compulsive overeater, I stuff my face rather than face my stuff.
Working the Steps allowed me to see that even though I thought I valued honesty, I was constantly lying to myself about my compulsive eating. Becoming abstinent from compulsive eating removed the veils of delusion and dishonesty that I had over my eyes. Living this program, one day at a time, freed me from compulsive lying to myself as well as compulsive eating. Telling the truth, while sometimes very difficult, has let me live happy, joyously, and free.
One day at a time...
I will work the Steps honestly, tell the truth about my life, and be the person of integrity my Higher Power always intended for me to be.
~ Bernadette B.
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Before I found commitment to abstinence, all I did was make empty promises to myself that I continuously broke. Instead of learning to love myself, I wound up hating myself for my lack of 'willpower'. It wasn't 'willpower' I lacked; it was Commitment. I was powerless over food & alcohol, but I didn't realize it.......I thought I knew myself pretty well. When I finally admitted my addictions, only THEN was I able to treat them seriously.
As a compulsive overeater & alcoholic, I was stuffing my face rather than facing my stuff. That's a very profound statement! Only when I became willing to treat myself as an addict was I able TO deal with my issues honestly.
I am a liar & a thief when it comes to addiction. I can tell myself that I have a high level of integrity & character, but all bets are OFF when it comes to my addictions. By committing myself to an abstinent lifestyle, I agreed to remove the veils of delusion, denial & dishonesty that were making me so miserable.
For today, I will tell the truth *to myself & others* about my life. I will share my experience, strength & hope with others in an effort to let them know that hope DOES exist! If I can find Recovery, anyone can!
For today, I will be the person of integrity I was meant to be. I will live in truth, putting my program FIRST, with faith & knowledge that all good things begin with abstinence.
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