Thursday, October 25, 2012

Food for Thought: October 25th


Abstaining from Harmful Relationships

Habit sometimes locks us into relationships, which are not in our best interest. It is easy to mistake dependency for love. When we stop overeating compulsively, we can evaluate our attachments to other people with greater clarity and perception than was possible when we continually escaped into food.

Our OA friends act as sounding boards for us as we try to sort out the healthy from the unhealthy relationships in our lives. We may find that for our continued growth we need to move away from old emotional entanglements, which are hampering our progress with the program. Abstaining from a harmful relationship can be as difficult at first as abstaining from compulsive overeating! The same physical restraint is necessary to keep ourselves from following old habit patterns.

By taking Step Three, we make all of our relationships with other people subject to the will of our Higher Power. When God comes first, other loves fall into their proper places.

Show me how to love.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.
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When we're in the fog of compulsive overeating, anesthetizing ourselves with food, we can't see the truth of ANY situation we face!  I wound up staying in an unhealthy marriage for 10 extra years because I was too frightened to get out; too bogged down in my addictions to be able to do the right thing & end it.  I knew the relationship was unhealthy, I just felt powerless to DO anything about it.

I wasn't, of course, but my addictions convinced me otherwise.  Nobody deserves to be mistreated, emotionally or physically, and we all deserve happiness and serenity. 

One of the most crucial aspects of Recovery, for me, is learning to set boundaries with other toxic people in my life.  If I let them, they will drag me right back to the bottle and the refrigerator in an effort to cope with their toxic behavior.  I draw limits; I make the phone calls and end them when I'M ready.  I schedule the visits and call the shots, on MY terms.  When I've had enough, I leave.  While I can't eliminate certain toxic relationships from my life altogether, I CAN manage them! 

These types of people are Energy Vampires; they suck the energy from our soul and we're left feeling drained & exhausted after an encounter with them.  Putting up a shield to ward off the negativity is something I do on a regular basis.  My mother fires questions at me all the time like the third degree.  When I find myself squirming with discomfort, I tell her (in a very firm voice), ENOUGH Mom.  The details of MY life are nobody's business but my own!

For today, I am grateful to have been given the tools of survival in OA.  I am no longer a victim of Energy Vampires, because I am taking care of ME for a change.

2 comments:

  1. Good boundaries are so helpful in this process. The feeling of relief when a healthy boundary is set is an awesome feeling. Thank you for posting this very important concept.

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