Revenge
No matter how long we've been recovering, no matter how solid our spiritual ground, we may still feel an overwhelming desire at times to punish, or get even, with another person.
We want revenge.
We want to see the other person hurt the way he or she has hurt us. We want to see life deal that person just rewards. In fact, we would like to help life out.
Those are normal feelings, but we do not have to act on them. These feelings are part of our anger but it's not our job to deal justice.
We can allow ourselves to feel the anger. It is helpful to go one step deeper and let ourselves feel the other feelings - the hurt, the pain, the anguish. But our goal is to release the feelings, and be finished with them.
We can hold the other person accountable. We can hold the other person responsible. But it is not our responsibility to be judge and jury. Actively seeking revenge will not help us. It will block us and hold us back.
Walk away. Stop playing the game. Unhook. Learn your lesson. Thank the other person for having taught you something valuable. And be finished with it. Put it behind, with the lesson intact.
Acceptance helps. So does forgiveness - not the kind that invites that person to use us again, but a forgiveness that releases the other person and sets him or her free to walk a separate path, while releasing our anger and resentments. That sets us free to walk our own path.
Today, I will be as angry as I need to be, with a goal of finishing my business with others. Once I have released my hurt and anger, I will strive for healthy forgiveness - forgiveness with boundaries. I understand that boundaries, coupled with forgiveness and compassion, will move me forward.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation
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Sometimes I feel I 'shouldn't' ever be angry. Then I remind myself how normal it IS to FEEL anger! What's 'wrong' about feeling anger is acting to it by seeking revenge. Or to allow the anger to fester inside of me, which makes me want to EAT to stuff DOWN all the negative feelings!
It's my behavior that leads me TO the refrigerator, not my 'insatiable appetite' or my 'lack of willpower.' Working the 12 Steps helps me to identify the destructive behaviors that I possess, and to change them, bit by bit.
I have times where I feel anger & injustice. If someone treats me badly, I have a choice as to how I react. First & foremost, I am entitled to speak MY mind to the person, in a respectful & honest fashion. I won't fly off the handle MYSELF, otherwise, I put myself in a position to have to make amends! :) Not the result I'm looking for here............
First, I ask myself if the offender is speaking the truth. If I'm accused of doing something wrong, HAVE I actually DONE something wrong? If I have, then I will admit to it, apologize, and see about fixing it. I DO make mistakes and I'm willing to admit that, in every single instance.
If the person is not speaking the truth, & accusing me of something I'm NOT guilty for, then I can recognize that, too. Why should I internalize something that isn't even REAL? The best thing I can do is speak MY truth to the person, letting him know that what he said has hurt my feelings. That helps ME release MY anger & move on, instead of internalizing the matter & obsessing over it for days.
For today, I will release my hurt & anger by striving for healthy forgiveness & ACCEPTANCE of all that IS. I understand that boundaries, coupled with forgiveness & compassion, will move me FORWARD in my recovery.
For today, I will do NOTHING to impede my growth in the program.
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