Recovery Meditations: September 11th

The Present

“Real generosity towards the future
consists in giving all to what is present.”

Albert Camus


Fear ruled my life until two years ago. I was paralyzed with fear about the future and what would happen when “they” discovered how bad I really was and how little they could trust me. I was terrified that the past would catch up with me and I’d be found out. The guilt and shame of my last binge came along for the ride as I replayed the scene compulsively and beat myself up for screwing up yet again. This made it impossible for me to stay in the present.

In program I learned that I wasn’t really paralyzed by the past nor the future; rather, I was paralyzed by fear of losing control. The only way to release that fear was to admit, every hour of every day, that I was powerless over people, the past, the future and the food. When I wrote it down and put it in my God box, I could live in the present time. It was hard at first, and I'd grab it back when the fear crept in. But I'd let it go a little more each time, allowing me to be free of fear and enjoy moments of the day. The moments turned into hours and soon I was experiencing a full day without fear. The fear of the past and the future held less sway over me as I worked the Steps, surrendered my fears, and did service.

Service is the most important tool for me. The more service I do, the more I am fully alive in the present and I worry less about the past and the future. The peace and serenity that replaced the fear are blessed gifts allowing me to explore more of the present day. With them, I can honestly share myself with others and rebuild relationships. I now know the freedom of “giving all to what is present” and I pray for the willingness to stay in the present and be generous toward my future.

One day at a time...
I live fully in the present, easily and effortlessly surrendering the past and the future to my Higher Power.

~ Anne L.

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One of the most important things I've learned in Recovery is to live in the NOW.  Yesterday is gone & tomorrow isn't here yet.  If I live in the past, I dwell in regret & 'could-have-been's'  If I live in the future, then I play out all the possible outcomes of a situation, trying to cope with something that isn't even real!

 

 No wonder I turned to food & booze for comfort!  

 

If I find myself feeling fearful, that means I am projecting too far into the future.  I can empower myself NOW by staying committed to my Food Plan and using the tools of Recovery that are available to me.  If I make a mistake, I don't beat myself down because I 'screwed up.'  I take it as a necessary part of my growth and I immediately make amends.  If I made a mistake at work, I promptly admit it & go about fixing it.  I listen to people ALL DAY LONG who insist they DO NOT make mistakes!  I shake my head in wonder at those statements.  I DO make mistakes & I am happy to admit that I am a human being!

 

If I've hurt someone's feelings, I promptly issue an apology. Otherwise, I hang onto the knowledge that I've done something wrong, and it festers inside me like a boil.  Nothing leads me to the refrigerator faster than carrying around guilt & regret.

 

For today, I choose to let go of fear & trust that God has my best interest in mind with His plan for me.  

 

For today, I will give OF myself in service to those who still suffer. Getting out of my OWN head keeps ME balanced & on track.  

 

For today, I will live fully in the present, surrendering the past & the future to my Higher Power.  All I need concern myself with is NOW!