Recovery Meditations: September 12th

LOVE

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.
You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”

Lucille Ball


It took me a long time to learn what love truly means. I thought love included pleasing others, saying “yes” when I meant “no,” swallowing my true feelings and putting myself last. What I didn’t know is that I was practicing resentment, anger, fear, jealousy and everything but love. I could not love others because I did not love myself.

Then I decided to take care of myself first. I considered no one but me, took care of myself, (or so I thought) while actually alienating myself from those close to me. I ate compulsively to tame the self-loathing I felt inside. And I loathed myself because I did not treat myself with real love and kindness.

Today I know that loving myself must come first. If I love myself, I am better able to love everyone in my life because I do things from a place of honesty. If I treat myself with respect, I treat others with respect. Everyone wins when I love myself enough to accept myself, flaws and all.

One day at a time ...
I will ask my Higher Power for the
ability to accept and love myself for where I
am this day, knowing I am a work in progress like a
tree that grows from self-care and nurturing.

~ Melissa

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It was a novel idea for me to practice self-love, after loathing myself for such a long time. It's been a slow healing process, this thing called recovery, as well as a time of amazing self-discovery.

 

 We should learn not to grow impatient with the slow healing process of time. We should discipline ourselves to recognize that there are many steps to be taken along the highway leading from sorrow to renewed serenity... We should anticipate these stages in our emotional convalescence: unbearable pain, poignant grief, empty days, resistance to consolation, disinterestedness in life, gradually giving way . . . to the new weaving of a pattern of action and the acceptance of the irresistible challenge of life.
—Joshua Loth Liebman

 

Not every day is 'easy', in fact, some days are unbearably difficult.  Sometimes, loving myself seems nearly impossible, because of my imperfections.  What I have discovered in recovery is that my imperfections make me who I Am.  And who I Am is perfectly wonderful! I am a child of God and a work in progress.

"Emotional convalescence" is a great way to look at this journey.  I'm progressing along the path from child to adult, and that path is strewn with rocks & ruts.  If I don't expect to pass through the stages of recovery, then how can I expect TO recover?

For today, I will treat myself with love & respect.  For today, I accept myself AS IS, flaws & all.