LETTING GO
“We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
Joseph Campbell
It’s hard to give up old habits. Although my former solutions to dealing with stress, anger, and emotional and physical pain had never worked and only made the problems worse, they were familiar. I had high hopes the results would be different each time. I wasn’t too surprised when it didn’t happen because this was familiar ground.
Then I heard about this program, half-heartedly joined and began working the Twelve Steps. It was scary! Things began happening to me that I’d never dreamed possible. I was given abstinence! I had not planned for that to happen. How could I, when I had no idea what abstinence would really be like?
At first I felt very anxious, sure the abstinence would be snatched from me just as I was beginning to feel comfortable with it. While I enjoyed abstinence and not having to focus on my eating disorder's requirements, I often felt like I was in foreign territory without a map. I couldn't plan my life like I had before because my life was busy evolving in ways I couldn't imagine.
But the longer I worked the program, the happier my life became. To my utter shock I’ve recently discovered that I, a control freak and ultimate planner of everything, have begun to enjoy the unpredictability that my Higher Power has so graciously put in my life.
Before the program I never appreciated spontaneity; I couldn’t. Now, a day without plans is an opportunity.
One day at a time...
I will pray to let go of my will
and instead to be open to my Higher Power's will for me.
~ Rhonda
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Expectations breed resentments. When I was in charge of running the world & planned every minute of my life, nothing ever worked out 'right'. I was constantly aggravated as a result.
When I give UP is when I stop giving IN! I surrender my powerlessness over food & alcohol every single day, and every single day, the need to 'use' is removed, and I am blessed with abstinence. Since I no longer have to play God, I can leave that role to Him and just be an ordinary human being. What a relief!
I like this statement; "While I enjoyed abstinence & not having to focus on my eating disorder's requirements, I often felt like I was in a foreign territory without a map." My eating disorder's requirements.............boy oh boy.........those were SOME requirements, too!!!!!! Living a life focused on what I 'had to' eat next was wasting the beauty OF that precious life! The requirements of compulsive overeating are absolutely ENDLESS! What to eat, how to hide it, where to buy it, how to prepare it, how to get rid of the evidence, cooking shows, eating out............holy cow, what a colossal waste of time & my God-given talents!!!!!
Only through abstinence have I been able to SEE the insanity of compulsive overeating, and to want to be RID of the symptoms. I will go to ANY length required to maintain my sanity through recovery.
For today, I am grateful for a day without too many plans, especially plans for getting my next fix.
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