The Language of Letting Go: May 13th

Property Lines

A helpful tool in our recovery, especially in the behavior we call detachment, is learning to identify who owns what. Then we let each person own and possess his or her rightful property.

If another person has an addiction, a problem, a feeling, or a self-defeating behavior, that is their property, not ours. If someone is a martyr, immersed in negativity, controlling, or manipulative behavior, that is their issue, not ours.

If someone has acted and experienced a particular consequence, both the behavior and the consequence belong to that person.

If someone is in denial or cannot think clearly on a particular issue, that confusion belongs to him or her.

If someone has a limited or impaired ability to love or care, that is his or her property, not ours. If someone has no approval or nurturing to give away, that is that person's property.

People's lies, deceptions, tricks, manipulations, abusive behaviors, inappropriate behaviors, cheating behaviors, and tacky behaviors belong to them, too. Not us.

People's hope and dreams are their property. Their guilt belongs to them too. Their happiness or misery is also theirs. So are their beliefs and messages.

If some people don't like themselves, that is their choice. Other people's choices are their property, not ours.

What people choose to say and do is their business.

What is our property? Our property includes our behaviors, problems, feelings, happiness, misery, choices, and messages; our ability to love, care, and nurture; our thoughts, our denial, our hopes and dreams for ourselves. Whether we allow ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, deceived, or mistreated is our business.

In recovery, we learn an appropriate sense of ownership. If something isn't ours, we don't take it. If we take it, we learn to give it back. Let other people have their property, and learn to own and take good care of what's ours.

Today, I will work at developing a clear sense of what belongs to me, and what doesn't. If it's not mine, I won't keep it. I will deal with my issues, my responsibilities, and myself. I will take my hands off what is not mine.

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When I absorb a problem that isn't mine, taking on YOUR negativity, I may eat over it in an effort to soothe mySELF.

I am not a sponge for the world's problems.  I have to know my property lines; what belongs to ME and what does NOT belong to me.

I am responsible for my own behaviors, not yours.  I can be an advocate for justice in the world, but I'd wind up taking on too much.............things that are none of my business.

My mother is a toxic individual and spreads fear & negativity wherever she goes. It's taking me a long time to learn to ignore all the messages and not let HER disturb MY serenity.

Because serenity is the key to happiness. 

For today, Mother's Day, I will enjoy my mom without absorbing ANY of her negativity.  I will keep a smile on my face and a smile in my voice. I will allow her toxic comments to bounce off of me instead of allowing them to infuse into MY head, where they will fester and drive me to distraction.  For today, I will stick to my food plan, regardless of the circumstances that may lead me to the desire to overeat.