Food for Thought: May 12th

People Pleasing

If we are too intent on pleasing others, we may lose ourselves. All of us want and need approval from other people, but sometimes we work too hard for external admiration and not hard enough for our own self-regard. If we spend all of our time and energy trying to please others, we never find out who we are and what pleases us.

When we were overeating and felt guilty about that, we may have thought that we needed to do what others wanted us to do in order to somehow make up for overeating. If we didn't look attractive, we could at least be pleasing in other ways!

People pleasing, however, is not confined to those who are overweight. Many people try to find their self-worth and reason for existence in the impression they think they are making on the outside world. It is an easy trap for all of us to fall into.

When we find our center in the life of the Spirit, we become less concerned about pleasing others. As we grow emotionally and spiritually, we begin to discover our giant Self. Through this program, we can find out who we are and what is pleasing to the best that is in us.

May I first seek to please You.

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An old AA slogan is: What other people think of me is none of my business.


What would your life look like if you were literally unable to worry about other people’s opinions?

What a freedom that would be! You would live according to what you thought was beneficial for you and make decisions without second-guessing, over-analyzing, and shoulda-coulda-woulda-ing. You would no longer have any need for approval nor fear of disapproval.

The truth is, we don’t have any need for approval. Not truly. It is our egos that crave approval and fear disapproval. The mind loves to take things very personally and attempts to gain power through approval and disapproval games. When we separate ourselves from our ego, approval and disapproval have no value whatsoever. And nothing is taken personally.

In reality, another person’s thought or opinion about you is never personal, because it is never really about you in the first place. It’s about them. Our thoughts about anything and everything are only about ourselves. As Byron Katie points out, what I think and what I feel is my business. What you think and what you feel is your business. When I’m worried about how you feel about me, I’m in your business. And if I’m busy living in your business, how am I present for my own business?

When we let go of worrying over other people’s opinions, we are free to reflect on our own opinions of ourselves. Am I happy with myself? Did I make the right decision for me? Am I happy with how I treated you? Am I living in healthy and positive ways, for the highest good of everyone involved?

Living according to our own truth is one of the highest acts of self-love and self-care. And when you live according to your truth and stay in your own mental business, others will honor you and the truth you live, too, whether they agree with you or not.