Recovery Meditations: March 30th

DISLOYALTY

"“Health is the greatest gift,
contentment the greatest wealth,
faithfulness the best relationship.”
..... Buddah


I have a history of chaotic relationships filled with destructive drama and a lack of loyalty. For many years, however, I believed that I was in fact a very loyal friend – and that it was my friends who were disloyal to me.

I was an avid -- even rabid -- people-pleaser. I drove myself crazy trying to figure out what people wanted and how I could best provide that for them. Because I thought I knew what was best for everybody, I failed to truly listen to the people in my life. Instead, I tried to impose my will upon them…then I wondered why they didn’t appreciate all of my efforts on “their” behalf. When they inevitably became frustrated with me, I was wounded by what I perceived to be their lack of loyalty to me.

Only recently in my recovery program have I come to learn that my efforts at people-pleasing were actually symptoms of my own disloyalty. I was failing to relate with people as they are – rather I was relating to them as I thought they “should be”. That is perhaps the most egregious form of disloyalty…insisting that others be loyal to my concept of them and myself.

Now I am taking steps to honestly listen to people and to relate with them as they are – and as I truly am. I am no longer hiding behind food. In order to be loyal in my relationships, I must be loyal to the ‘Truth of Reality.’ Only then can we share the joy of faithful relationships.

One day at a time ... I will practice listening to the people in my life and I will honor them as they are. Each day I can choose to be loyal, rather than critical or people-pleasing.

~ Lisa

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When I force MY opinion down YOUR throat, in an effort to 'help', I am actually being selfish.  I am not listening and offering support..........I am saying that I know what's best for YOU, and listen to ME because I know best.

People pleasing is something I had to ditch long ago when I entered recovery.  People's opinion of me of is none of MY business.  I live life to the best of my ability, and leave the outcome in God's hands.  I live to please Him, and to be honest with myself.  It's not necessary to win popularity contests, or to make others happy at MY expense.

I can be a loyal friend by listening.  I can be a loyal friend by being there to hold you when you cry.  For today, I will listen more than I speak or offer advice.