Food For Thought: March 31st

Sanity

Once, a long time ago, I was able to eat a small amount of extra food between meals and then stop. I enjoyed it very much. Over the years, that small amount became more and more. Somewhere along the line, I crossed the boundary of rational eating and moved into an area of insane bingeing.

Now, when the old urge comes for a small amount of extra food, I need to remember that I am incapable of stopping after a reasonable amount. For me, the first compulsive bite is now the point of no return. Once I take it, I cross immediately into insanity.

How do I remember? I need protection against the arrogant, willful delusion that "This time I will be able to handle it; this time I will get away with cheating just a little bit." How can I protect myself?

Step One says that we are powerless over food. From sad experience, I know this to be a fact. Step Two says that we "came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." My protection comes from this Higher Power.

Keep me sane, Lord.

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Nothing about my relationship with food is 'normal'.  If I start thinking I can handle a few 'extras' here and there, I will be on a binge in two seconds flat.  I know that........from experience.  I crossed a line somewhere, long ago, late at night, while everyone was sleeping, and I was devouring the leftovers, shoveling cold food into my mouth with my fingers.

I can't go back........I can't change who I am today. I can't undo the progressive damage that this eating disorder has put upon me.  If I try to snack in moderation, I will relapse.  As a compulsive overeater, I am powerless over food, and I have to surrender that powerlessness every day if I hope to hold onto recovery.

Dear God, please feed my hunger & restore my right mind. 


For today, I commit my food plan to God, surrender MY powerlessness over food, and choose to live with sanity in my life instead of chaos.