Vulnerability
When we stop doping ourselves with unnecessary food, we become vulnerable. We have been using extra food as a defense against our feelings. Without it, fears and anxieties surface and new energies are released. Instead of retreating into the refrigerator, we can learn day by day how to live with our exposed selves.
Making an overture of friendship to someone we would like to know better involves the risk of rejection. Saying no to a family member when a request conflicts with our program may make us feel guilty. Asking for help when we need it means admitting our weakness. Exposing our needs destroys our facade of self-sufficiency.
To be vulnerable requires courage, but only as we are able to live without the defense of overeating are we able to grow emotionally and spiritually. When we stop turning to food to cover up our feelings and needs, we are able to be more open with other people. We are nourished by them and by the Higher Power who allays our fears and directs our new energies.
May I not fear being vulnerable.
**********************************************************
As the fat-suit started to come off, I felt vulnerable indeed; exposed. Like a naked baby......unsure of who I was and how to live without the shield of protection my fat provided me with.
I had to learn to feel my feelings again, and to express them appropriately. Using food to anesthetize myself for so long created a numbness.............when I stopped overeating, I felt raw and fragile. I cried a lot during the early days of recovery, but through the tears came cleansing and growth. Entering the world of adulthood was a rude awakening, and my inner child threw lots of temper fits.
She still does, from time to time. Asking questions like "Why can't I eat like a normal person?" "Why should I be deprived of anything?" She stamps her feet & holds her breath till she turns blue, seething with self-pity and righteous pride.
Weight loss & subsequent food management is truly the journey of a lifetime. Every day offers a new learning experience & a chance to find out a bit more about myself & what makes me tick. I put myself out there now.......I take risks by offering myself to others & sharing my life with my fellow man instead of hiding out & isolating. Sometimes I get kicked in the gut, and other times I am well received. But, in the end, I wind up getting back way more than I give out.
For today, I will not feel shameful or guilty for being vulnerable. Instead, I will feel human for it & thank God for the privilege.
When we stop doping ourselves with unnecessary food, we become vulnerable. We have been using extra food as a defense against our feelings. Without it, fears and anxieties surface and new energies are released. Instead of retreating into the refrigerator, we can learn day by day how to live with our exposed selves.
Making an overture of friendship to someone we would like to know better involves the risk of rejection. Saying no to a family member when a request conflicts with our program may make us feel guilty. Asking for help when we need it means admitting our weakness. Exposing our needs destroys our facade of self-sufficiency.
To be vulnerable requires courage, but only as we are able to live without the defense of overeating are we able to grow emotionally and spiritually. When we stop turning to food to cover up our feelings and needs, we are able to be more open with other people. We are nourished by them and by the Higher Power who allays our fears and directs our new energies.
May I not fear being vulnerable.
**********************************************************
As the fat-suit started to come off, I felt vulnerable indeed; exposed. Like a naked baby......unsure of who I was and how to live without the shield of protection my fat provided me with.
I had to learn to feel my feelings again, and to express them appropriately. Using food to anesthetize myself for so long created a numbness.............when I stopped overeating, I felt raw and fragile. I cried a lot during the early days of recovery, but through the tears came cleansing and growth. Entering the world of adulthood was a rude awakening, and my inner child threw lots of temper fits.
She still does, from time to time. Asking questions like "Why can't I eat like a normal person?" "Why should I be deprived of anything?" She stamps her feet & holds her breath till she turns blue, seething with self-pity and righteous pride.
Weight loss & subsequent food management is truly the journey of a lifetime. Every day offers a new learning experience & a chance to find out a bit more about myself & what makes me tick. I put myself out there now.......I take risks by offering myself to others & sharing my life with my fellow man instead of hiding out & isolating. Sometimes I get kicked in the gut, and other times I am well received. But, in the end, I wind up getting back way more than I give out.
For today, I will not feel shameful or guilty for being vulnerable. Instead, I will feel human for it & thank God for the privilege.
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