Food For Thought: March 2nd

CHANGING

As we lose weight, we adjust to a new self. Part of the body we had is disappearing, and this can be frightening. As our physical appearance changes, others may react to us differently. Along with the physical changes come new attitudes and expectations. Though for years we may have wished to be rid of the fat, when it actually begins to go we may fear the change.

What is new and unknown is often frightening. We may have used food and fat to retreat from uncomfortable situations. We may have spent so much time eating that there was little left for anything else. We may have expected all our troubles to vanish with the excess pounds. Now we can no longer hide behind fat or kill time with food, and our troubles may very well still be with us. What do we do?

It takes courage to change, to become a new person. We may decide at age forty to learn to play tennis. That takes lots of courage. New activities, new attitudes, changes in relationships with others--all require courage.

Change is frightening, but it is also an adventure. We are not alone. We have OA. Others have gone through the same changes and can reassure us, one step at a time.

May I not be afraid to change.

From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L

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 I wrote this blog a while ago:

The Transformation From Caterpillar to Butterfly

“How does one become a butterfly?” she asked pensively.  “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”
-Trina Paulus

Change can be a frightening thing.  Who knows that more intimately than most of us, who have been bogged down with excess body weight for who-knows how long?

That excess body weight is often used as a cushion, literally, to shield us from life. To keep us safe in our little butterfly cocoon where everything is warm & familiar.

Losing weight is like shedding that protective cocoon, a transition to a different state of being & sometimes, a different state of consciousness where we continue the journey of growth & self-awareness. The actual weight loss itself is just one small piece of a much larger picture.

To say that weight loss simply means that we can go from wearing a 2X to wearing a size 8 is like saying the only difference between a butterfly & a caterpillar is his ability to fly.  The caterpillar may be frightened to fly…..it’s a big change from his previous existence and so, it’s the Great Unknown.

So is weight loss the Great Unknown.

Our friends & family members may be worried, too. Who  are we going to become? Will that sweet little shrinking violet suddenly turn into the Venus Flytrap??

Fear of the unknown is real.  We know who we are when we’re overweight, as much as we may not like ourselves, so that is a known quantity.

We read blogs frequently where we’ve stopped ourselves from losing weight at a certain point. Like the gal who’s afraid to get into Onederland and stays stuck at just over 200 lbs for quite some time. She doesn’t know what it will feel like to see the 100’s because she hasn’t been there for ages.

Or, suddenly, the compliments start coming in fast & furious and we don’t know how to handle them. What do we say when someone tells us how wonderful we look? Are we to think we looked so horrible before, but now we’re looking more human? Like we were beached whales then?

A journey of this magnitude is huge. Sometimes we don’t even realize just how huge it really is.

We start out thinking we need to lose some weight and we wind up taking on a project that may be way more than we had originally bargained for. We watch ourselves morph from the ugly duckling into the beautiful swan and really, that transformation is mind-boggling in many cases.

We’re starting to find our voice, to speak up for ourselves instead of blending in with the wallpaper.  Where did that come from, we may wonder?? Sheesh, who is this woman I’m turning into??

Fear can easily set in & sabotage our best efforts at this point.

So, now is the time to pull out the Fat Clothes! Put on an old, shapeless sweat suit & hide out in it for a while.  Don’t force yourself to look like a diva & dress up 24/7. That’s not the real purpose of this journey….to look like a glamour queen.  It’s not who we are.  Oh sure, I like to dress up, put make-up on & bling myself out; but I don’t feel like I have to do that 7 days a week. On the weekends, I pull on a floppy hat & my warm-up suit, brush my teeth & I’m good to go!  The lipstick & the accessories stay in their place while I go out and do my thing, plain & frumpy as you please.

It’s kind of therapeutic to do that; to take some plain-Jane time for myself, where I can be 200 lbs or 100 lbs, and nobody would know the difference based on my clothing.

I lost weight primarily to get healthy & to get off of a bunch of medications. The cute clothing is great, don’t get me wrong, but it is not who I am.

Who I am is still something I’m in the process of figuring out, as a matter of fact. Being cocooned up for so long in so many layers of protective fat has prevented me from knowing myself.

This journey is complex in many ways, even more so than we realize.

Sometimes it feels overwhelming, doesn’t it?

If you feel that way, you are not alone. We all transform along the way here. Some of us make it and some of us don’t. Some of us get too bogged down in the Fear Factor to allow ourselves to make it. And some of us just get tired of the grind of the meal plan and go back to their old ways.

I strongly believe that we can ALL do this, IF we realize that Fear plays a large role in this game of weight loss.

I believe that most people don’t quit the program because they’re sick & tired of packets, but because they’re truly frightened of becoming a different person.

Even if we don’t love ourselves when we’re overweight, we know ourselves. It’s ok to be scared now, it’s ok to worry about the future, it goes with the territory.

Is it time to go hide out in your fat clothes for a bit while you adjust to your new body image?

Don’t take a break from your program, take a break from your Appearance for a while.

Recognize what’s happening in your head & treat yourself with love & gentleness  for now.  This is not a race to some non-existent finish line; this is our LIFE we’re living, one packet at a time, one day at a time. And, if we start living for today only, then all we have to concern ourselves with is the next 24 hours. And for that period of time, we can do ANYTHING!