For Today: June 29th

Many people today don’t want honest answers insofar as honest means unpleasant or disturbing. They want a soft answer that turneth away anxiety.

Louis Kronenberger

If, as a member of OA, I still cannot accept honest answers, I may be sentencing myself to a life of “fat serenity.”  That may be the price of holding onto self-will, to the need to control through food and fat.

In OA, “winners” go to meetings, work the steps, have sponsors, make telephone calls and practice abstinence.  Have I been hoping for an easier way?  There is none. I am not exempt from the cause-and-effect principles that govern the lives of all people.

For Today: God help me to see the truth about myself—to ask for the help I need and then use it.

Brutal honesty is necessary in order to stay abstinent & healthy, and to keep the food monster caged up. Otherwise, if I’m not honest with myself, then the ‘extras’ I eat do NOT count; they have no calories, no  effect on my figure or state of mind, and no consequences.  When I stop being honest with myself, I stay off the scale, overeat & pretend it’s ok.  

You can sugar coat a turd but it’s still a turd.:)

Compulsive overeating IS unpleasant AND disturbing. And talk about anxiety! I like to think food ‘soothes’ me and ‘comforts’ me, but in reality, it CREATES a huge amount of anxiety that never lets up. The guilt sets in, the eating worsens, and the vicious cycle starts up yet AGAIN.

I can make excuses for why I ‘need’ to eat, or, I can admit to why I ‘want’ to eat.  I need a certain amount of healthy food in my body every day in order to stay alive & properly fueled. Anything in excess of what I need is what I may WANT.

I cannot separate Need from Want until & unless I get abstinent and stay there.  Otherwise, there is no separation between the two & I feed myself until I’m sick. There is NO satisfaction for me when I eat trigger foods…..I go for sheer volume, not taste, not texture, JUST volume.  One bite is too many and a million is not enough.

When I treat myself with honesty is when I stay aware of what I eat, when I eat, and how much I eat. I stick to a strict time schedule for ‘feedings’ and I treat them AS feedings….not entertainment, comfort, love, amusement or  something to fill a void.  God fills that void and I ask for His help every day.

For today, may I continue to treat myself with honesty & truth as I strive to string together many, many days, months & years of an Abstinent lifestyle.