For Today: August 29th

The emotions may be endless. The more we express them, the more we may have to express.

E. M. Forster

The value of expressing my emotions is in what I learn from listening to myself.  One thought leads to another and, if I’m being especially open, I may find myself blurting out answers I didn’t know I had.

When I talk about my feelings to my sponsor or to my group, they give me the gift of attentive listening. I return the gift when they express their feelings.  In OA, we help by listening and sharing our experience, not giving advice.

For Today:  With all the resources OA provides, I do not have to hold back my feelings. I can express myself as freely as the situation warrants, to my sponsor and to my group.

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I kept my emotions bottled up for so long, it felt weird to start FEELING them once I became abstinent. When I keep my mind open, honest and aware, I wind up learning SO much. When I listen to my fellow compulsive overeaters speak, I learn even more about MYSELF.  Our behaviors and responses are SO similar.....

There is a bond of understanding in OA that is really amazing. I am never alone with my disease, as long as I have my Higher Power and my fellow OAers by my side.  Sharing experience, strength and hope leads us all to a new life, one day at a time.

For today, I pray to listen more and to talk less.  For me, there is more learning in listening

For Today: August 28th

The only means of strengthening one’s intellect is to make up one’s mind about nothing---to let the mind be a thoroughfare for all thoughts.

John Keats

To let go the fixed ideas and prejudices that occupy my mind is to eliminate the safety of absolutes.  By making room for the unknown, I invite change.  I do not know the direction toward which growth will take me, nor do I know what will be revealed to me.  I may say, “I want to work this program so I can have such and such.”  But working the program means putting control of my life in God’s keeping, not mine.  Recovery means being open to  what life brings, not insisting on having things my way.  Working this program is being aware, letting my thoughts ramble and allowing feelings to come out of hiding.

For Today:  What an adventure this OA program is!  I go forth with an open mind, eager to learn what God will reveal to me.

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Speaking as a compulsive overeater, change is a tough thing for me.  I welcome it, on the one hand, and dread it on the other.  I work in a job that constantly forces change upon me. I wind up feeling uncomfortable.......somewhat like an idiot in fact, when I don't catch on to the 'new way' instantly.  I am a slow learner, especially where computers are concerned.  I am 'old-school' and to me, Excel is a tool of the DEVIL.  Working in that program tests my patience & makes me question my own intelligence........which is tough to deal with.  I don't like feeling 'stupid'.......yet........I am working in a job where I feel that way quite OFTEN.

Speaking as a compulsive overeater, I PREFER to live in the safety of absolutes.  To invite change is to welcome the UNKNOWN and for me, that is a difficult concept.

As an OAer, I choose to let go and let God...........only when I try to control everyone and everything do I suffer. 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

The courage to change the things I can;

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Keeping an open mind HELPS me........but sometimes it feels IMPOSSIBLE to DO.  Black & white thinking is my basic instinct...........the gray area can be scary & feel overwhelming.

For today, I pray to accept the Gray Areas of my life & to deal with them openly; with acceptance & faith that God will guide me accordingly, one day at a time.

For Today: August 27th

Every man has a right to be valued by his best moment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson


Do I value myself and others for our best qualities and actions----for those times when we are blessed with grace, when we rise to heights of courage and selflessness far beyond our expectations?  Or does one bad mistake cancel out those moments?  Our character assets have been with us always, though all too often obscured by the fears and insecurities of living with obsession.

Freedom from compulsive overeating allows me to be the person I want to be more of the time.  The longer I live in this way, the more numerous my "best moments" become.

For Today:  I remind myself of my many good qualities and best moments--and those of my family, friends and colleagues.

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How can I have "best moments" when I am chained down by excess food and compulsive overeating behaviors?? I can't, and I don't.  I become my body instead of my soul, dwelling in my imperfections instead of celebrating my good qualities.  That is the darkness of addiction; the bleak truth of the matter.  Compulsive overeating hampers my spirit & prevents me from living in God's light and spreading that light to others.

While my life will never be 'perfect', I no longer strive to find that impossible state of being.  I put aside my expectations & live in the moment, allowing myself to appreciate whatever comes along.  I do the best job I can do at whatever task I tackle, and I recognize "good enough" instead of insisting on perfection.

For today, may God allow me to see the innocence in myself and others rather than to dwell in their guilt.

For Today: August 26th

The dogs bark but the caravan moves on.

Arabic proverb

Complaints: I have a lot of them---the ice is too cold, the sun too hot, the rocks too sharp.  There is not much I can do about any of it, so why complain?  Chronic complaining is a useless practice that destroys self-acceptance and self-reliance.  Complaining about things I dislike in my life increases my dissatisfaction.  Instead of buttonholing all who will listen, I can ask myself, “Is there anything I can do to help myself with this?”

Yes, there is:  I can practice the twelve step program, as written.  Complaining about my faults or the lacks in my life is folly; it is time wasted that might be better put to use in self-caring and acceptance.

For Today:  There is no need to complain about personal characteristics or other aspects of my life I do not like.  Instead of complaining, I can do two things: pick up the steps where I left off,  and pray for the removal of this defect.

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If complaining is a waste of time, which it is, then I’ve wasted a great number of years of my life that I won’t get back! UGH

I grew up in a house where it was normal to complain from morning till night, about everything under the sun, and everyBODY too.  Nobody was good enough, nothing was good enough, everything could always be better (if only….), and everybody could be nicer, sweeter, less jealous, etc. etc.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

It wasn’t until I found the 12 Steps that I recognized this fault in myself! Holy cow, I didn’t even know I was a chronic complainer………talk about living with head-up-the-butt syndrome!   I’m quite sure I relied on complaining to let me feel entitled to practice my addiction.  If nothing and nobody was ever ‘quite right’, then wouldn’t a big bowl of junk food make me feel better & wasn’t I justified in eating it?

It’s taken a long time for me to get off the complaining soapbox………and I still find myself doing it from time to time, especially in the traffic.  I must have said the Serenity Prayer 20 times today alone on the 22 mile commute which took me 90 minutes.  There was nothing I could DO about that traffic, and carrying on about it would NOT change it.  God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…………..and the ability to NOT complain about it!

When I complain, I am behaving with negativity. Negativity leads me back down the road to ALL the compulsive overeating behaviors that bring my body and mind DOWN.  It’s a vicious cycle.   Unless I recognize my tendency to complain, I can’t NIP it in the bud and STOP it in its tracks.  Honest to God, I have to make a conscious effort ALL THE TIME to keep my own mouth SHUT!

UGH.

Compulsive overeating is a behavioral disease………..food is the drug of choice………..the OCD  behaviors and chronic negativity is what led me TO the stupid food to begin with.

UGH.

For today, I will not be negative.  For today, I will keep my mouth shut & not say one snotty thing about anyone.  For today, I will appreciate even the TRAFFIC because it means I have a job and a car.  For today, I won’t complain about ONE SINGLE THING.  God give me the strength to do that!

For Today: August 25th

In his prayers, he says, “Thy will be done” but means his own, at least acts so.

William Penn

What is God’s will for me? Certainly not selfishly looking out for myself at the expense of others.  God’s will is surely to have me be at peace with myself. It is acceptance of all things, not condemning or passing judgment.  God’s will is practicing the OA principles in all of my affairs.

If I fail at something that is important to me, it is hard to maintain my self-esteem. But God, unlike myself and the society in which I live, does not measure me according to worldly values.

For Today: To better do God’s will, I pray to let go standards of perfection and see myself in God’s light.

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I no longer look at failure as the End of the World............if I fail at something, I pick myself UP and I try again.  God's will for me is NOT 'perfection'............it is to love and to be loved, to learn and to live with peace and serenity.

Every day, I repeat the 3rd Step prayer frequently:

God, I offer myself to thee

To build with me

And to do with me as Thou wilt.

Relieve me of the bondage of self

That I may better do Thy will.

Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness

To those I would help of Thy power

Thy love

And Thy way of life.

May I do Thy will always.

The bondage of self..........when I stay self-absorbed, how can I understand God's will, or carry out His will for me?  I can't.  Self-centered behavior prevents me from seeing the big picture......which is more important for me to focus on than the little pinhole reality of ME ME ME.

For today, I pray to give back more than I take from others.  

For Today: August 24th

Nothing is unthinkable, nothing impossible to the balanced person, provided it arises out of the needs of life and is dedicated to life’s further developments.

Lewis Mumford

Today, I open my mind to everything that could be --- possibilities that are far from the idle wishing of the old days, but rather a loosening of restrictions, a broadening of the imagination.  I leave my life up to my Higher Power, remove my hindering ways and let my spirit soar.  I seek to be more honest, more aware, to have closer relationships, a better ability to carry the message, more time to serve.

I have received, and now pass on to others, what was once impossible: the hope of spiritual awakening, of recovery from compulsive overeating. 

For Today: I keep an open mind to having an open mind, the possibilities are endless.

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"Balance" is a word I had NO comprehension of.  I lived in the extremes.........if a little was good, a lot was better.  Until 'a lot' reached the point of insanity & my binges were getting progressively worse.  That's the nature of compulsive overeating: constant stuffing but no satisfaction. I reached the point where I realized that trigger food would NEVER 'satisfy me' so why bother getting started? Same thing with booze. 

Balance is something I had to FORCE on myself; a structured routine provides balance to the person who has none.  I eat 6 small meals a day on a strict schedule, I take the stairs at work 4x per day, I exercise for 1/2 an hour every night, I go to sleep at 11 pm and I wake up at 6 am, I clean the house & do the laundry as soon as the need arises, without putting it off, and I stay on top of the chores that way.  I used to overwhelm myself with all that had to be done and wind up stressing out over it and getting NOTHING done.  Procrastination drives my compulsion to overeat and keeps me unbalanced.  

I have truly received what was once impossible: the hope of spiritual awakening & recovery from compulsive overeating. That is not to say I am 'perfect' or I don't struggle at all: I DO.  But I have a program to follow and a Higher Power to guide me when I find my thoughts veering off into left field.

I may be an addict but I don't have to ACT like one: with the help of this program, I CAN and DO find balance in my life, one day at a time.

For Today: August 23rd

Let us live while we live.

Philip Doddridge

Now that I am free of compulsive overeating and have a way to live, I am eager to look at other things in my life that impede my spirit. I want to be free of all my excess baggage---fixed ideas and ways of responding that make it hard to like myself.  I want to live with zest and enthusiasm, to be confident enough to step out of myself, to put my life in the sunlight of the spirit and live.

For Today: Having saved my life, let me live it.

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Once I was free of compulsive overeating, it became clear to me that there were TONS of areas that needed my attention; those areas that had suffered while I was out there pursuing my addiction.  The house had (and still does) to be de-cluttered,  for one, and that’s an ongoing project.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by everything that needs my attention. But that’s ok: I have a plan in place to deal with everything, one step at a time, one day at a time, with my Higher Power behind me every step of the way!

I don’t want to live with a squashed down spirit for one more day!  My old way of thinking is slowly dying off and being replaced with a renewed sense of purpose and joy., thanks to this fantastic program.

For today, I will face the chores ahead of me without complaining, and I will find joy in even the most mundane activity.  If that activity is part of LIFE, then I want to LIVE it to the fullest.

For Today: August 21st (Sorry I got the days reversed.....)

Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.
Arthur Schopenhauer

When I was overeating, did I ever imagine that life could be any different than it was?  No; there was no way out, I was sure of it.  Sometimes, in a dilemma, I still tend to think there's no way out.  I accept that feeling, but today I know it is only that---a feeling, not a fact.  My experience tells me there is a solution and it will come in time, as I become willing to let go and let a Power outside myself take charge.  Giving up control means growing up; my experience broadens, my pleasures expand, my usefulness to others increases and my horizon--like God's world--is limitless.

For Today:  I turn over to God the concerns of the moment, knowing that the answers will come and, with them, a new awareness and greater depth of understanding.

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It's easy to feel like there's 'no way out' of difficult situations.......and it's easy to confuse my feelings with facts.  Waiting for a solution to present itself can be excruciating..........but this is where Faith comes into play BIG time.  I do the footwork, and leave the rest to God, waiting for an answer to be presented to me.  Sometimes it comes as a feeling....an intuition........and sometimes I wake up with an obvious answer to my dilemma, even though I didn't dream about it.

This is God working through me, in me, with me.  He gives me answers every time I ask Him to.  The answers may not come in MY time......but they do come!

I surrender my powerlessness over LIFE every day, and ask God to take my hand & show me the way. 


For today, I pray to give up my concerns of the moment, with faith and belief that I am being guided by God to take the right path.