Let go of your attachment to being right,
and suddenly your mind is more open.
You're able to benefit from the unique viewpoints of others,
without being crippled by your own judgment.
Ralph Marston
Before joining this program much of my life was taken up with defending myself against those who would hurl abuse. I kept everything and everybody at arm's length in a bid to protect my increasingly fragile and sensitive self-assurance. As time marched on, and my disease became parasitical, the walls around me grew higher and isolation drew me inwards.
Ironically, the fortress I was building didn’t protect me from myself and I soon became my own worst enemy. My self-loathing and my unceasing search for perfection led me deeper into a self-induced state of depression. Keeping everybody out and locking myself in became an exhausting exercise.
On entering the 12 Step program I soon realized that the fortress I had so carefully built to protect myself against the outside world was also preventing any kind of light, warmth and love from entering in.
As my journey of recovery progressed, brick by brick the walls came down and afforded me the nourishment I needed to blossom and grow. In learning to accept myself, I found that what others thought of me paled into insignificance. I learned that there was a wealth of experience, strength and hope which would help me along the journey. I learned that I could take what I needed and put down the remainder, without the resentment, anger, fear or pain, which previously would have sent me running for cover.One Day at a Time . . .~ Sue G ~
I aim to be willing to keep my mind open, to accept what I need to continue my journey, and to leave the rest.
*************************************
Each Day A New Beginning
The
Chinese say that water is the most powerful element, because it is
perfectly nonresistant. It can wear away a rock and sweep all before it.
—Florence Scovel Shinn
Nonresistance, ironically, may be a posture we struggle with. Nonresistance means surrendering the ego absolutely. For many of us, the ego, particularly disguised as false pride, spurred us on to struggle after struggle. "Can't they see I'm right?" we moaned, and our resistance only created more of itself. Conversely, flowing with life, "bubbling" with the ripples, giving up our ego, releases from us an energy that heals the situation - that smooths the negative vibrations in our path. Peace comes to us.
We will find serenity each time we willingly humble ourselves.
Resistance is more familiar. Nonresistance means growth and peace. I'll try for serenity today.
—Florence Scovel Shinn
Nonresistance, ironically, may be a posture we struggle with. Nonresistance means surrendering the ego absolutely. For many of us, the ego, particularly disguised as false pride, spurred us on to struggle after struggle. "Can't they see I'm right?" we moaned, and our resistance only created more of itself. Conversely, flowing with life, "bubbling" with the ripples, giving up our ego, releases from us an energy that heals the situation - that smooths the negative vibrations in our path. Peace comes to us.
We will find serenity each time we willingly humble ourselves.
Resistance is more familiar. Nonresistance means growth and peace. I'll try for serenity today.
From Each Day
a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982,
1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
***************************************
Food For Thought
Use the Telephone
When we join OA, we discover that we are not alone. We become part of a large network of individuals who share a common problem, compulsive overeating, and who gain strength and support from each other. The telephone is our lifeline. A phone conversation is a mini meeting, and most of us find that we need several each day.
It is suggested that we make at least three phone calls every day, in addition to calling our food sponsor. We call in times of temptation and difficulty, and we also call when we have good news to share. A phone call may be a means of preventing problems later in the day or it may be simply a gesture of friendship and fellowship - keeping in touch.
Whatever the reason, the person called is helped as much as the caller. The telephone call is a reminder that none of us is alone, that we have a program, which sustains us, and that together we shall succeed.
May I not be too proud or too shy or too busy to use the telephone.
When we join OA, we discover that we are not alone. We become part of a large network of individuals who share a common problem, compulsive overeating, and who gain strength and support from each other. The telephone is our lifeline. A phone conversation is a mini meeting, and most of us find that we need several each day.
It is suggested that we make at least three phone calls every day, in addition to calling our food sponsor. We call in times of temptation and difficulty, and we also call when we have good news to share. A phone call may be a means of preventing problems later in the day or it may be simply a gesture of friendship and fellowship - keeping in touch.
Whatever the reason, the person called is helped as much as the caller. The telephone call is a reminder that none of us is alone, that we have a program, which sustains us, and that together we shall succeed.
May I not be too proud or too shy or too busy to use the telephone.
*******************************************
The Language of Letting Go
Responsibility for Ourselves
We have been doing the wrong things for the right reasons.
—CODEPENDENT NO MORE
Caretaking: the act of taking responsibility for other people while neglecting responsibility for ourselves. When we instinctively feel responsible for the feelings, thoughts, choices, problems, comfort, and destiny of others, we are caretakers. We may believe, at an unconscious level, that others are responsible for our happiness, just as we're responsible for theirs.
It's a worthy goal to be a considerate, loving, nurturing person. But caretaking is neglecting us to the point of feeling victimized. Caretaking involves caring for others in ways that hamper them in learning to take responsibility for themselves.
Caretaking doesn't work. It hurts other people; it hurts us. People get angry. They feel hurt, used, and victimized. So do we.
The kindest and most generous behavior we can choose is taking responsibility for ourselves - for what we think, feel, want, and need. The most beneficial act we can perform is to be true to ourselves, and let others take responsibility for themselves.
Today, I will pay attention to my actual responsibilities to myself. I will let others do the same. If I am in doubt about what my actual responsibilities are, I will take an inventory.
We have been doing the wrong things for the right reasons.
—CODEPENDENT NO MORE
Caretaking: the act of taking responsibility for other people while neglecting responsibility for ourselves. When we instinctively feel responsible for the feelings, thoughts, choices, problems, comfort, and destiny of others, we are caretakers. We may believe, at an unconscious level, that others are responsible for our happiness, just as we're responsible for theirs.
It's a worthy goal to be a considerate, loving, nurturing person. But caretaking is neglecting us to the point of feeling victimized. Caretaking involves caring for others in ways that hamper them in learning to take responsibility for themselves.
Caretaking doesn't work. It hurts other people; it hurts us. People get angry. They feel hurt, used, and victimized. So do we.
The kindest and most generous behavior we can choose is taking responsibility for ourselves - for what we think, feel, want, and need. The most beneficial act we can perform is to be true to ourselves, and let others take responsibility for themselves.
Today, I will pay attention to my actual responsibilities to myself. I will let others do the same. If I am in doubt about what my actual responsibilities are, I will take an inventory.
Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
Today I will review the goals I've set for myself.
Have I met some of them? Do some of them seem out of reach? If so, I will consider how I can simplify them by breaking them down into smaller goals.
If one of my goals is to live in a nicer house, I'll look at ways I can begin to work toward that goal. Do I already know what kind of house I want? Where is it? What does it look like? How much will it cost? Perhaps I can change my spending habits, save more money, or begin to establish my credit. I might simply picture my new house in my mind or cut out a picture and tape it on my mirror.
If one of my goals is to have a specific career, I will get a catalog from a college and find out what classes might prepare me for that career. Perhaps I could go to a career training school, work toward a promotion at my current job, or get my GED, I can ask for the help I need to accomplish this.
Today I will choose one goal that seems hard to reach and make a list of the steps necessary to achieve it. When I work toward my goals one step at a time, I can feel successful with each day.
Today I will review the goals I've set for myself.
Have I met some of them? Do some of them seem out of reach? If so, I will consider how I can simplify them by breaking them down into smaller goals.
If one of my goals is to live in a nicer house, I'll look at ways I can begin to work toward that goal. Do I already know what kind of house I want? Where is it? What does it look like? How much will it cost? Perhaps I can change my spending habits, save more money, or begin to establish my credit. I might simply picture my new house in my mind or cut out a picture and tape it on my mirror.
If one of my goals is to have a specific career, I will get a catalog from a college and find out what classes might prepare me for that career. Perhaps I could go to a career training school, work toward a promotion at my current job, or get my GED, I can ask for the help I need to accomplish this.
Today I will choose one goal that seems hard to reach and make a list of the steps necessary to achieve it. When I work toward my goals one step at a time, I can feel successful with each day.
You are reading from the book:
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