Recovery
Meditations: November 5th
~ SERVICE ~
When people are
serving, life is no longer meaningless.
John Gardner
I used to always think that I was kind and helpful, and that
I was always there for other people. Well, of course I was. I was a
people-pleaser, and the payoff was to be liked. That never happened, or at
least I didn't think so, and I became more resentful and full of self-pity. The
truth was that I was so self-absorbed and self-seeking that I didn't know how
to really be there for other people, not even my own children. I'm sure that
for a long period, even though I was always doing things for them, I was emotionally
absent and unavailable when they really needed me. The focus was on me and how
fat I looked, or how nobody fulfilled my needs, instead of looking outside of
myself to what I could REALLY do for others.
This recovery program has taught me, first and foremost, how
to love myself so that I am able to love others, especially my children. I was
spiritually and emotionally empty before, but now I am being constantly filled
and nurtured spiritually. Now I am able to give back what has freely been given
to me. I am learning for the first time the pleasure of giving of myself, of my
time and my experience, strength and hope, that others may walk this beautiful
road to recovery as I have. In giving what I have, I am strengthening my
program and my own recovery. What a joy that has been!
One Day at a Time . .
.
I remember that when
I do service and give away what I have, I will experience the promises of the
program on a daily basis.
~ Sharon S. ~
*************************************
Each Day A New Beginning
The future is made of the same stuff as the present.
—Simone Weil
The only lessons that matter for our lives at this time will come to us today. Just as what we needed and were ready for yesterday came yesterday, tomorrow insures more of the same. Concerning ourselves with any other moment but the present prevents us from responding when "the teacher appears."
In years gone by, we perhaps hung onto yesterday's problems. We may still struggle to hang onto them. Or perhaps we try to see too far ahead. But we are learning that there is a right time for all growth. A right time for all experiences. And the right time may not fit our timetable. What doesn't come our way today, will come when the time is right. Each day we are granted just what is needed. We need not worry about the future. It will offer us whatever rightly comes next, but it can't do so until we have experienced these 24 hours before us.
There is wonder and joy awaiting me, each day. The growth I experience is just what is needed at this time. I am a student, and the teacher will appear.
—Simone Weil
The only lessons that matter for our lives at this time will come to us today. Just as what we needed and were ready for yesterday came yesterday, tomorrow insures more of the same. Concerning ourselves with any other moment but the present prevents us from responding when "the teacher appears."
In years gone by, we perhaps hung onto yesterday's problems. We may still struggle to hang onto them. Or perhaps we try to see too far ahead. But we are learning that there is a right time for all growth. A right time for all experiences. And the right time may not fit our timetable. What doesn't come our way today, will come when the time is right. Each day we are granted just what is needed. We need not worry about the future. It will offer us whatever rightly comes next, but it can't do so until we have experienced these 24 hours before us.
There is wonder and joy awaiting me, each day. The growth I experience is just what is needed at this time. I am a student, and the teacher will appear.
From Each Day
a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982,
1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
Food For Thought
No Perfect People
We may have spent much time and energy looking for perfect people to fulfill our lives. This process involves projecting our fond illusions onto those we meet, building them up way out of reality, and then being terribly disillusioned when extended and intimate acquaintance proves them to be just ordinary people.
Accepting our friends and family for what they are rather than what we idealize them to be is part of growing up emotionally. It is our own weakness and insecurity that causes us to try to make gods out of other people. As we learn to accept ourselves as less than perfect, we are able to reduce the unreasonable demands we make on others. As we come to know our Higher Power, we do not need to make gods out of fellow human beings.
By not expecting perfection from others, we can love them as they are, encouraging their strengths and supporting their weaknesses.
I pray for the emotional maturity to accept myself and those I love.
We may have spent much time and energy looking for perfect people to fulfill our lives. This process involves projecting our fond illusions onto those we meet, building them up way out of reality, and then being terribly disillusioned when extended and intimate acquaintance proves them to be just ordinary people.
Accepting our friends and family for what they are rather than what we idealize them to be is part of growing up emotionally. It is our own weakness and insecurity that causes us to try to make gods out of other people. As we learn to accept ourselves as less than perfect, we are able to reduce the unreasonable demands we make on others. As we come to know our Higher Power, we do not need to make gods out of fellow human beings.
By not expecting perfection from others, we can love them as they are, encouraging their strengths and supporting their weaknesses.
I pray for the emotional maturity to accept myself and those I love.
From Food for
Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L. ©1980, 1992
by Hazelden Foundation.
The Language of Letting Go
Let's Make a Deal
The relationship just wasn't working out, and I wanted it to so badly. I kept thinking if I just made myself look prettier, if I just tried to be a more loving, kind person, then he would love me. I turned myself inside out to be something better, when all along, who I was was okay. I just couldn't see what I was doing, though, until I moved forward and accepted reality.
—Anonymous
One of the most frustrating stages of acceptance is the bargaining stage. In denial, there is bliss. In anger, there is some sense of power. In bargaining, we vacillate between believing there is something we can do to change things and realizing there isn't.
We may get our hopes up again and again, only to have them dashed.
Many of us have turned ourselves inside out to try to negotiate with reality. Some of us have done things that appear absurd, in retrospect, once we've achieved acceptance.
"If I try to be a better person, then this won't happen...If I look prettier, keep a cleaner house, lose weight, smile more, let go, hang on more tightly, close my eyes and count to ten, holler, then I won't have to face this loss, this change."
There are stories from members of Al Anon about attempts to bargain with the alcoholic's drinking: "If I keep the house cleaner, he won't drink.... If I make her happy by buying her a new dress, she won't drink... If I buy my son a new car, he'll stop using drugs."
Adult children have bargained with their losses too: "Maybe if I'm the perfect child, then Mom or Dad will love and approve of me, stop drinking, and be there for me the way I want them to be." We do big, small, and in between things, sometimes-crazy things, to ward off, stop, or stall the pain involved with accepting reality.
There is no substitute for accepting reality. That's our goal. But along the way, we may try to strike a deal. Recognizing our attempts at bargaining for what they are - part of the grief process - helps our lives become manageable.
Today, I will give others and myself the freedom to fully grieve losses. I will hold myself accountable, but I will give myself permission to be human.
The relationship just wasn't working out, and I wanted it to so badly. I kept thinking if I just made myself look prettier, if I just tried to be a more loving, kind person, then he would love me. I turned myself inside out to be something better, when all along, who I was was okay. I just couldn't see what I was doing, though, until I moved forward and accepted reality.
—Anonymous
One of the most frustrating stages of acceptance is the bargaining stage. In denial, there is bliss. In anger, there is some sense of power. In bargaining, we vacillate between believing there is something we can do to change things and realizing there isn't.
We may get our hopes up again and again, only to have them dashed.
Many of us have turned ourselves inside out to try to negotiate with reality. Some of us have done things that appear absurd, in retrospect, once we've achieved acceptance.
"If I try to be a better person, then this won't happen...If I look prettier, keep a cleaner house, lose weight, smile more, let go, hang on more tightly, close my eyes and count to ten, holler, then I won't have to face this loss, this change."
There are stories from members of Al Anon about attempts to bargain with the alcoholic's drinking: "If I keep the house cleaner, he won't drink.... If I make her happy by buying her a new dress, she won't drink... If I buy my son a new car, he'll stop using drugs."
Adult children have bargained with their losses too: "Maybe if I'm the perfect child, then Mom or Dad will love and approve of me, stop drinking, and be there for me the way I want them to be." We do big, small, and in between things, sometimes-crazy things, to ward off, stop, or stall the pain involved with accepting reality.
There is no substitute for accepting reality. That's our goal. But along the way, we may try to strike a deal. Recognizing our attempts at bargaining for what they are - part of the grief process - helps our lives become manageable.
Today, I will give others and myself the freedom to fully grieve losses. I will hold myself accountable, but I will give myself permission to be human.
From The
Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Today's thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
Stop building cases
You don't have to build a big drama around your life. We may need to end a relationship or explore a new career. Instead of simply saying, This is what I'm going to do, we build a case.
Like a lawyer getting ready to go to court, we prepare our arguments. We take one feeling and build a hundred page document around it, prepared to battle our case.
You can build cases if you want to. But usually, there's a hidden feeling underneath all that case building that's asking to be cleared. It could be a tinge of guilt or fear. Or it could just be the belief that it's not okay to clearly express ourselves, say how it feels to us, and do what we need to do to take care of ourselves.
Let go of the drama. Just say what you need and how it feels to you.
Be as simple and clear as you can in expressing yourself. If you find yourself building a case or creating a big dramatic scene, take a moment. Why are you making such a fuss?
God, help me keep it simple, especially when it comes to expressing myself.
Stop building cases
You don't have to build a big drama around your life. We may need to end a relationship or explore a new career. Instead of simply saying, This is what I'm going to do, we build a case.
Like a lawyer getting ready to go to court, we prepare our arguments. We take one feeling and build a hundred page document around it, prepared to battle our case.
You can build cases if you want to. But usually, there's a hidden feeling underneath all that case building that's asking to be cleared. It could be a tinge of guilt or fear. Or it could just be the belief that it's not okay to clearly express ourselves, say how it feels to us, and do what we need to do to take care of ourselves.
Let go of the drama. Just say what you need and how it feels to you.
Be as simple and clear as you can in expressing yourself. If you find yourself building a case or creating a big dramatic scene, take a moment. Why are you making such a fuss?
God, help me keep it simple, especially when it comes to expressing myself.
You are reading from the book:
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