Recovery
Meditations: May 9, 2015
OPEN MINDEDNESS
Let go of your
attachment to being right,
and suddenly your mind
is more open.
You're able to benefit
from the unique viewpoints of others,
without being crippled
by your own judgment.
Ralph Marston
Before joining this program much of my life was taken up
with defending myself against those who would hurl abuse. I kept everything and
everybody at arm's length in a bid to protect my increasingly fragile and
sensitive self-assurance. As time marched on, and my disease became
parasitical, the walls around me grew higher and isolation drew me inwards.
Ironically, the fortress I was building didn’t protect me
from myself and I soon became my own worst enemy. My self-loathing and my
unceasing search for perfection led me deeper into a self-induced state of
depression. Keeping everybody out and locking myself in became an exhausting
exercise.
On entering the 12 Step program I soon realized that the
fortress I had so carefully built to protect myself against the outside world
was also preventing any kind of light, warmth and love from entering in.
As my journey of recovery progressed, brick by brick the
walls came down and afforded me the nourishment I needed to blossom and grow.
In learning to accept myself, I found that what others thought of me paled into
insignificance. I learned that there was a wealth of experience, strength and
hope which would help me along the journey. I learned that I could take what I
needed and put down the remainder, without the resentment, anger, fear or pain,
which previously would have sent me running for cover.
One Day at a Time . .
.
I aim to be willing
to keep my mind open, to accept what I need to continue my journey, and to
leave the rest.
~ Sue G ~
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Each Day a New Beginning
To expect too much is to have a sentimental view of life, and this is a softness that ends in bitterness.
—Flannery O'Connor
Having too high expectations is a set-up for disappointment. Expectations that are high lend themselves to a fantasy life, and reality can never match our fantasies. When we get hooked on the fantasies, somehow thinking they are reality, or should be reality, we are vulnerable to the hurt that accompanies the emergence of "the real." Then we feel cheated - bitter: "Why did this have to happen to me?"
Having too high expectations was a familiar feeling before recovery. And it remains familiar to us, even now. Dreams and aspirations aren't wrong. In fact, they beckon us on to better and greater things. But dreams of what we can become through responsible choices are quite different from idle expectations of what will or should be.
Every moment of every day opens the way to my aspirations that enhance reality. I will be open and receptive to reality and its gifts.
—Flannery O'Connor
Having too high expectations is a set-up for disappointment. Expectations that are high lend themselves to a fantasy life, and reality can never match our fantasies. When we get hooked on the fantasies, somehow thinking they are reality, or should be reality, we are vulnerable to the hurt that accompanies the emergence of "the real." Then we feel cheated - bitter: "Why did this have to happen to me?"
Having too high expectations was a familiar feeling before recovery. And it remains familiar to us, even now. Dreams and aspirations aren't wrong. In fact, they beckon us on to better and greater things. But dreams of what we can become through responsible choices are quite different from idle expectations of what will or should be.
Every moment of every day opens the way to my aspirations that enhance reality. I will be open and receptive to reality and its gifts.
From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey
© 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation.
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Food for Thought
Self-Pity
"Poor little ol' me." The PLOMS. How often do we succumb to this temptation? Usually it's an excuse for not doing what we know we should do, but do not want to do. Or it's a way to manipulate someone else into doing something for us, which we should be doing ourselves. If we spend our time moaning and groaning about how unfairly life is treating us, we do not have much chance of discovering the plan which our Higher Power has for us, nor are we able to carry out His will.
Trite as it may sound, the cure for self-pity is to think about those who are less fortunate and start counting our blessings. Taking some action, doing some small thing for someone else, perhaps a phone call - these are constructive steps to take us off the "pity pot."
When we begin to feel sorry for ourselves because we must follow a food plan and may not eat spontaneously, let's remember where we came from and what things were like before we found OA.
I don't need self-pity.
"Poor little ol' me." The PLOMS. How often do we succumb to this temptation? Usually it's an excuse for not doing what we know we should do, but do not want to do. Or it's a way to manipulate someone else into doing something for us, which we should be doing ourselves. If we spend our time moaning and groaning about how unfairly life is treating us, we do not have much chance of discovering the plan which our Higher Power has for us, nor are we able to carry out His will.
Trite as it may sound, the cure for self-pity is to think about those who are less fortunate and start counting our blessings. Taking some action, doing some small thing for someone else, perhaps a phone call - these are constructive steps to take us off the "pity pot."
When we begin to feel sorry for ourselves because we must follow a food plan and may not eat spontaneously, let's remember where we came from and what things were like before we found OA.
I don't need self-pity.
From Food for Thought: Daily Meditations for Overeaters by Elisabeth L.
©1980, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation.
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The Language of Letting Go
Learning New Behaviors
Sometimes we'll take a few steps backward. That's okay too. Sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes it's part of going forward.
—Codependent No More
Life is a Gentle Teacher. She wants to help us learn.
The lessons she wants to teach us are the ones we need to learn. Some say they are the lessons we chose to learn before we were born. Others say they are the lessons that were chosen for us.
It's frustrating to be in the midst of learning. It is like sitting in algebra class, listening to a teacher explain a subject beyond our comprehension. We do not understand, but the teacher takes the understanding for granted.
It may feel like someone is torturing us with messages that we shall never understand. We strain and strain. We become angry. Frustrated. Confused. Finally, in despair, we turn away, deciding that that formula will never be available to our mind.
Later, while taking a quiet walk, we break through. Quietly, the gift of understanding has reached that deepest place in us. We understand. We have learned. The next day in class, it's hard for us to imagine not knowing. It is hard to remember the frustration and confusion of those who have not yet caught on. It seems so easy . . . now.
Life is a Gentle Teacher. She will keep repeating the lesson until we learn. It is okay to become frustrated. Confused. Angry. Sometimes it is okay to despair. Then, it is okay to walk away and allow the breakthrough to come.
It shall.
Help me remember that frustration and confusion usually precede growth. If my situation is challenging me, it is because I'm learning something new, rising to a higher level of understanding. Help me be grateful, even in my frustration, that life is an exciting progression of lessons.
Sometimes we'll take a few steps backward. That's okay too. Sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes it's part of going forward.
—Codependent No More
Life is a Gentle Teacher. She wants to help us learn.
The lessons she wants to teach us are the ones we need to learn. Some say they are the lessons we chose to learn before we were born. Others say they are the lessons that were chosen for us.
It's frustrating to be in the midst of learning. It is like sitting in algebra class, listening to a teacher explain a subject beyond our comprehension. We do not understand, but the teacher takes the understanding for granted.
It may feel like someone is torturing us with messages that we shall never understand. We strain and strain. We become angry. Frustrated. Confused. Finally, in despair, we turn away, deciding that that formula will never be available to our mind.
Later, while taking a quiet walk, we break through. Quietly, the gift of understanding has reached that deepest place in us. We understand. We have learned. The next day in class, it's hard for us to imagine not knowing. It is hard to remember the frustration and confusion of those who have not yet caught on. It seems so easy . . . now.
Life is a Gentle Teacher. She will keep repeating the lesson until we learn. It is okay to become frustrated. Confused. Angry. Sometimes it is okay to despair. Then, it is okay to walk away and allow the breakthrough to come.
It shall.
Help me remember that frustration and confusion usually precede growth. If my situation is challenging me, it is because I'm learning something new, rising to a higher level of understanding. Help me be grateful, even in my frustration, that life is an exciting progression of lessons.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation
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Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Treat your friends as you would a bank account - refrain from drawing too heavily on either.
--Samuel Johnson
"You know," somebody admitted, "I've never really allowed myself to have good friends.
"I always put myself in two extreme roles. Either I think it's my duty to 'save' everyone, or I think it's someone else's function to 'save' me. I set myself up for very dissatisfactory relationships that way. I don't grow very much nor do the people I'm involved with grow much. We get locked into Parent-Child, Teacher-Student, and Counselor-Client kinds of roles.
"I'm tired of empty and lopsided friendships. I want good friends, not parasites or Messiahs running my life. I want friends I can just be me with and not worry whether I'm one-up or one-down on them. I want friends who will accept me as I am and not expect me to have all the answers for all the questions all the time."
TODAY I will examine what I expect of myself and my friendships. As a friend, do I expect myself to give all the advice and have all the answers? Do I expect my friends to take care of me, and give me all the answers? If my friendships are not satisfactory, I will work on enlarging my concept of what a friend is. I will also work on improving the quality of my own friendship.
Treat your friends as you would a bank account - refrain from drawing too heavily on either.
--Samuel Johnson
"You know," somebody admitted, "I've never really allowed myself to have good friends.
"I always put myself in two extreme roles. Either I think it's my duty to 'save' everyone, or I think it's someone else's function to 'save' me. I set myself up for very dissatisfactory relationships that way. I don't grow very much nor do the people I'm involved with grow much. We get locked into Parent-Child, Teacher-Student, and Counselor-Client kinds of roles.
"I'm tired of empty and lopsided friendships. I want good friends, not parasites or Messiahs running my life. I want friends I can just be me with and not worry whether I'm one-up or one-down on them. I want friends who will accept me as I am and not expect me to have all the answers for all the questions all the time."
TODAY I will examine what I expect of myself and my friendships. As a friend, do I expect myself to give all the advice and have all the answers? Do I expect my friends to take care of me, and give me all the answers? If my friendships are not satisfactory, I will work on enlarging my concept of what a friend is. I will also work on improving the quality of my own friendship.
You are reading from the book:
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