Prayers For My Father: July 23rd

I know a lot of people around the world read this blog. Yesterday, I did not have the chance to post the daily recovery readings because my father was rushed to the hospital & I was there all day long.  In a departure from the norm, I am posting this blog to ask for your prayers today, and to say thank you for your support.

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My 90 year old father fell down last night while trying to get to the bathroom, hitting his head on the nightstand and wounding it quite badly. My mother called 911 at 5:30 this morning and he was rushed to a local hospital.  Xrays revealed a broken hip, which is being operated on today at 4 pm Mountain time. During the CT Scan of his head, a large  meningioma tumor (benign) was found in his brain.  The neurosurgeon's PA told us it's not affecting his life at the moment, nor is it compressing his brain.  The surgeon himself will be in tomorrow to address the situation, and to give us his opinion on whether it should be treated or not.

Dad fell down again last week, when getting into my car, scraping up his leg & elbow pretty badly. That wound is now infected and being treated with antibiotics, which delayed the surgery by a day & a half. He insisted he was fine after he'd fallen, and after I'd cleaned & dressed his wounds. He refused to have me take him to the Urgent Care for a check up, and I'm extremely disappointed in myself for listening to him on the matter. Then his lower back starting hurting very badly, further affecting his already slow & labored walking.  I've asked the doctors tonight to take a closer look at the xrays, to make absolutely certain there are no fractures in his back as well as his hip.

Last month, Dad rubbed a large hole in his foot while walking the hallway, after wearing shoes that were 2 sizes too small. And not being able to feel much of ANYTHING in his numb feet, he'd had no idea of the injury until it was a big problem.  I took him to the Podiatrist, after INSISTING, and the doc took one look at him and said "Cellulitis", and wrote a prescription for Cipro.  We then went, 2 weeks later, to the New Balance store for properly fitted sneakers, which he now says are 'too big.' Both of my folks have seriously bad neuropathy in their legs & feet, and neither of them are diabetic.........which has stumped the doctors for many years.

My 87 year old mother is pretty unglued over this whole thing, as you might imagine. I'm trying to hold everything together for everyone, being the only child and fully responsible for my folks, with power of attorney for both financial & medical decisions. I'm fortunate to have my 2 kids and my wonderful husband by my side for support, though, thank God. I'm not really alone here, but I'm definitely feeling overwhelmed.  The orthopedic surgeons strongly suggests they be moved from independent living into assisted living, after Dad gets out of Rehab.  I'm trying to get them to stay together in Rehab, as some facilities allow, so Mom won't be alone, and so they can rely on each other for support during his healing.  The doctor says his Rehab stint will definitely be carried over into a long term care facility if he insists on going back into the independent living apartment building where they currently reside. Everyone is coming out of the woodwork to tell me how Dad will now continue to decline until he passes away, which should be shortly. Really? And others want me to know what a terrible mistake it is to 'put them' in an assisted living facility.  In fact, the witch of an apartment manager told me she'd need at least 2 months notice if I was going to 'rush into making such a decision, especially when your mother isn't on board." Really? How about a bit less greed and a bit more empathy for our family, especially under the terrible circumstances we now find ourselves in?  I'm trying to vent some anger towards this woman, instead of allowing myself to feel the excruciating pain of what's happening to my parents.  Preventing myself from trying to fully process how my strong, bull-headed Italian father must feel having his last ounce of dignity & independence stripped away from him.

As far as judgments go, nobody should judge another's actions until they have walked in their shoes, especially those shoes that are two sizes too small.  My folks can no longer take care of themselves properly, as evidenced by Mom telling me tonight that Dad has been trying to urinate in a jar instead of making a difficult trip to the bathroom during the night. I honestly feel like crying for the next 2 weeks..........crying until I'm all cried out and there are no tears left. Nobody told me it would be THIS hard to watch my parents die, before my eyes, on a daily basis. Nobody could have explained to me what it means to watch my invincible, Superman-like father turn into a wizened little man, with hardly any teeth, lie in a hospital bed and look SO terribly small and helpless. Lost in a sea of white sheets & shrouded in a blanket, leg in traction, with more tubes coming out of him than I could have ever imagined seeing.

I don't want opinions, I don't want judgments. All I would like to ask for are prayers, and lots of them.  When many people pray together for a common cause, miracles DO happen, and I believe that with every ounce of my being. It was cathartic to write this blog, and to get my feelings out on paper. Thank you for reading, and thank you for praying for my parents, Frank & JoAnn. I have to go lie down now, before I fall down.  I'm exhausted to my very core, and needing to pray that God gives me the strength to get through the upcoming days, staying strong for everyone, and true to myself by not resorting to addictive behaviors to cope.  So far so good, thank God.

Hugs
Chris