The Language of Letting Go: October 11th

Recovery

How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . .

Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated. In those moments, we may begin to believe that the solution to our pain and frustration is getting the other person to do what we want, or having the outcome we desire. But these self-defeating illusions put the power and control of our life in other people's hands. We call this codependency.

The solution to our pain and frustration, however valid is to acknowledge our own feelings. We feel the anger, the grief; then we let go of the feelings and find peace - within ourselves. We know our happiness isn't controlled by another person, even though we may have convinced ourselves it is. We call this acceptance.

Then we decide that although we'd like our situation to be different, maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. Maybe there is a higher purpose and plan in play, one that's better than we could have orchestrated. We call this faith.

Then we decide what we need to do, what is within our power to do to take care of ourselves. That's called recovery.

It's easy to point our finger at another, but it's more rewarding to gently point it at ourselves.

Today, I will live with my pain and frustration by dealing with my own feelings. 

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

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If I'm pointing the finger outward, at someone else, then I don't have to point it inward, at myself. I won't examine my own behavior to see what's wrong because I'm too busy dwelling on why YOU are making ME unhappy! That's denial and co-dependency at its worst. 

For me, acceptance is the key to everything. When I agree to accept what IS, then I'm not fighting or trying to change my situation. I am a compulsive overeater: when I accept that fact, then I become willing to deal with my disease by staying true to my Food Plan.  If I fight the fact, then I'm manipulating my program, pretending that 'just one bite' won't hurt me, or that I've somehow transformed into a 'normal eater' and can now handle my drug of choice *sugar* with no problems.  If I get into that mindset, then I relapse FAST, jumping back into the dark pit without a ladder, wondering if I can claw my way back OUT. 

When I feel my emotions & acknowledge them is when I'm honestly working the OA program and thriving. Feeling my emotions won't kill me, but obesity & COE WILL. 

For today, I will live with Faith, putting my life in God's hands. I will do the footwork by staying true to my Food Plan, and I won't expect God to take care of that FOR me..........I do my part FIRST, then He does His.

For today, I will not be pointing fingers anywhere but inward.