Monday, September 30, 2013

The Language of Letting Go: September 30th

Not a Victim

You are not a victim.

How deeply ingrained our self-image as a victim can be! How habitual our feelings of misery and helplessness! Victimization can be like a gray cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to generate the feelings of victimization.

Victimization can be so habitual that we may feel victimized even by the good things that happen to us!

Got a new car? Yes, we sigh, but it doesn't run as well as I expected, and after all, it cost so much. . . .

You've got such a nice family! Yes, we sigh, but there are problems. And we've had such hard times. . . .

Well, your career certainly is going well! Ah, we sigh, but there is such a price to pay for success. All that extra paperwork. . . .

I have learned that, if we set our mind to it, we have an incredible, almost awesome ability to find misery in any situation, even the most wonderful of circumstances.

Shoulders bent, head down, we shuffle through life taking our blows.

Be done with it. Take off the gray cloak of despair, negativity, and victimization. Hurl it; let it blow away in the wind.

We are not victims. We may have been victimized. We may have allowed ourselves to be victimized. We may have sought out, created, or re created situations that victimized us. But we are not victims.

We can stand in our power. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized. We do not have to let others victimize us. We do not have to seek out misery in either the most miserable or the best situations.

We are free to stand in the glow of self-responsibility.

Set a boundary! Deal with the anger! Tell someone no, or stop that! Walk away from a relationship! Ask for what you need! Make choices and take responsibility for them. Explore options. Give yourself what you need! Stand up straight, head up, and claim your power. Claim responsibility for yourself!

And learn to enjoy what's good.

Today, I will refuse to think, talk, speak, or act like a victim. Instead, I will joyfully claim responsibility for myself and focus on what's good and right in my life.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation

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I know people who look for the misery in every situation, not allowing joy into their souls, afraid it will be a 'jinx', and waiting for the 'other shoe to drop' when good times DO show up for a visit.  Living life in the victim mentality is a choice, and a poor one at that.  If I choose to live as a victim, I refuse to find joy, looking instead for the misery and dwelling on IT. 

We were created as children of God to maximize our life experience. We were not put here as victims, or to dwell in self-pity, searching out the despair & negativity everywhere! Our job is not to point fingers & place blame, because that won't change our situation, but only exacerbate it. What's the use in blame? Does it change MY situation?

The best way to ditch the victim mentality is to put Ego aside and give service to others.  When I get out of my OWN head is when I am functioning best. 

If someone is treating me badly, I won't sit back & lick my wounds, feeling sorry for myself. I will SPEAK my MIND to that person, using kind but firm words, to let that person know it's NOT ok to hurt my feelings! In the days of practicing my addictions, instead of speaking my mind, I'd eat or drink my emotions away, trying to shut DOWN instead of piping UP! I'd feel 'entitled' to soothe myself with excess food and/or drink, because 'life wasn't fair' and people weren't fair and Oh Poor Me I Deserve To Eat.

When I shut my emotions down and refuse to feel them, I am not living an honest life. I am functioning in Denial instead of Truth, and that is NO way to live.

For today, I am not a victim. If circumstances arise that lead me to feeling like a Victim, I will step BACK and assess the situation with honesty.  What can I do to cope with this situation where I'm not hurting or punishing myself? Not closing down but opening UP, seeing reality for what it truly IS instead of interpreting the situation as a personal affront.

For today, I will refuse to think, talk, speak or act like a victim.  Instead, I will joyfully claim responsibility for myself and focus on what's good and right in my life.

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