~ SELF-WILL ~
Our whole trouble has been the misuse of willpower.
We had tried to bombard our problems with it
instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's intention for us.
The AA Twelve and Twelve
I want the answers to all my questions and the solutions to all of my problems RIGHT NOW. Furthermore, I want to tell my Higher Power what I want those answers and solutions to be. I think I know what's best for me and what will bring long-lasting peace and serenity to my life.
My self-will has gotten me hurt and possibly caused me to hurt others. It has convinced me I could do things my way and everything would be just fine. My self-will has helped me lie to myself about my disease of compulsive overeating, anorexia, or bulimia; it has convinced me that darkness was light and that I should have what I want exactly when I want it.
How grateful I am that my Higher Power loves me enough to not take my advice! How grateful I am that, after I've plunged head-first into the same wall at least one hundred times as I tried to force my own answers and solutions, my Higher Power is waiting patiently to bless me by leading me where He would have me go. How grateful I am that I don't have to run into the wall of my self-will as often or as hard as I once did. One day, maybe I won't run into it at all.
One Day at a Time . . .
I can let go of self-will and remember that the Third Step says we "made a decision to turn our will and our lives over the the care of God as we understood Him." The care of God ... God can take better care of me than I can of myself.
~ Sandee ~
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I really detest the word 'willpower'. My parents used to tell me, as a kid, "If only you had a little WILLPOWER, then you would lose weight & keep it off. Tsk Tsk." I grew up berating myself for my lack of this elusive thing known as 'willpower'. Why did everyone else seem to have it but ME, I'd wonder?
What I've discovered is this: there is NO such thing as Willpower. Commitment is what keeps me glued to my Food Plan, and surrendering MY 'will' over to God's 'power'. THAT is 'willpower'........not me hanging on by my fingernails, gritting my teeth, and just making it through the day!
My self-will has run amok over the years. Convincing myself I was running the world, and needed to be in charge of everyone & everything, overseeing the outcome! Naturally, I wasn't able to DO that and so, I filled my disappointment with food & booze. I was 'supposed' to be All Things to All People At All Times, and I always fell short of that goal, so oh-woe-is-me, let me eat to soothe myself.
For today, I let go of MY self-will and put myself in God's hands.
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