Recovery Meditations: April 26th

Forgiveness

“You keep carryin’ that anger, it’ll eat you up inside.”

Don Henley


I have been carrying around so much anger in my life that it has fanned the flames of my addiction. I wouldn’t allow myself to feel the anger because I was afraid it would overwhelm me. I used food and other substances to stuff it down and the anger became rage and turned inward as depression. My compulsive eating spiraled out of control.

Many things have happened to me to justify the anger I’ve been carrying. Healthy anger indicates that someone has violated my boundaries or placed me in an untenable position. Anger that is felt and then released is a healthy emotion. But anger that is stuffed is toxic and will surely corrode my spirit and trap me even further in the cycle of addiction.

I have learned through the Twelve Steps that forgiveness is the only path to letting go of toxic anger. Forgiveness does not mean excusing others’ abusive behavior nor accepting my abusers back into my life. Forgiveness happens when I allow myself to feel and work through my anger, and then release it to my Higher Power. Forgiveness is self-love.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will feel and express my healthy anger and strive for forgiveness.

~ Suzanne

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When I hold onto anger, I hurt myself.  It festers and rots inside of me, and increases my desire to overeat, to soothe my wounded soul.  Nothing leads me to the frig faster than feeling slighted.

When I am willing to forgive others, I am better able to love myself.  And that's what this whole journey is really all about: learning to love ourselves.  Enough that we stop treating our bodies like garbage cans & feeding them all that trash.

For today may I forgive myself my trespasses so that I may live in light instead of dwell in darkness.