Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I have learned this: it is not what one does that is wrong, but what one becomes as a consequence of it.
--Oscar Wilde

There are countless ways to take shortcuts in life or to grab for pleasures. We could cheat on our income taxes, excuse a food binge, or lie to a loved one about where we've been. We say, "It won't hurt anyone!" "I wouldn't do it if it weren't for the other guy." Or, "Everyone does it." But if we are to like and respect ourselves, we need to live by the rules we believe in. Whether we get caught or not isn't the point. We cannot hold values and then repeatedly justify breaking them.

What does it do to us if we constantly fudge on our values? It undermines our self-esteem and damages the faith we have in ourselves. We do not expect to be perfect, but we must be accountable. If we are honest with ourselves, we admit our wrongs and reestablish our self-respect.

Today, I will take care to make choices that match my values.

You are reading from the book: Touchstones by Anonymous

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 Quite often, I read  blogs which compare cheating with our food plan to cheating on exams, taxes, or cheating on our husbands.  A cheater is a cheater, after all, right?

I’m blogging my perspective on the subject, so take it for what it’s worth to you.

To cheat on my husband shows a lack of integrity.  To eat an off plan food shows a lack of commitment.  Big difference there folks.

I hate the word ‘cheat’ when it comes to weight management.  My mother used that word with me all the time when I began my dieting career with Weight Watchers at age 12. When you cheated on that program, you got to wear a pig mask & feel the shame of your mistake.  

One thing an obese person is intimately familiar with is the feeling of shame.  We are frequently ashamed of our bodies because they aren’t thin enough, smooth enough or pretty enough.  50% of women don’t feel like being intimate with their husbands because they hate their bodies just that much.   We are queens of self-loathing & shame, thanks to our weight issues, and we come to a plan like Medifast to learn some new habits to replace our old ones.

One of the old habits that must be changed is negative self-talk, and for me, that includes the word ‘cheating’.  If I eat something off plan, I am not a ‘cheater’……….I made an unwise decision is what I did by eating sludge.  If I tell myself it’s ok, or rationalize my behavior away by saying I’m Only Human, then I’m perpetuating a myth & keeping myself fat.  If I look at my behavior honestly & acknowledge it for what it is, I may stop going off plan & decide to stay committed to my new lifestyle.

When I make a statement comparing my off plan eating incident to being unfaithful to my husband, I am telling myself I am a bad person, which is untrue.  My eating habits do not dictate what’s in my heart & soul……….my eating habits dictate how my body looks on the outside.  If I confuse my behavior with who I am, I may just stay off plan because, after all, I am a good-for-nothing loser: I am a Cheater.

How about we let the punishment fit the crime? 

Staying true to our food plan is always, always a good idea.  Going off plan is never, ever a success strategy, that’s for sure.  But…………and here’s the big BUT: sooner or later, we are all going to go off plan.  To think we will never eat another piece of off plan food ever again is unrealistic.

So what happens when we do? We start calling ourselves Cheaters & Losers & Liars and we invite shame back into our lives?

No freaking way.

What we do if we go off plan is we get back on plan, right away.  We recognize the fact that we are here to learn how to manage our weight issues permanently. And, in order to do that, we need a Plan of Action.  Part of that POA is to stop the negative self-talk & the self-flagellation once & for all.

I stayed 100% committed to my food plan for 99.9% of my journey.  Shortly before I reached goal, I had what I call “The Starburst Incident”.  My daughter had left a bunch of that candy sitting on the kitchen table & one night I ate a large amount of it.  In fact, I fell asleep mid-chew, after not having had sugar for such a long time. I crashed hard. 

Did I call myself a Cheater & a Loser & curl up in my bed to lick my wounds while I continued to overeat? Nope.  Did I tell myself I’m Only Human or I Couldn’t Help It?  Nope.

I told myself to get right back ON PLAN and to remember, for the future, how it feels to have a blood sugar crash, a stomach ache & a great deal of lethargy.  Not worth it, in other words.

I went on to reach goal, lose a total of 100 lbs which I’ve kept off for more than 4 years.  Have I been perfect with my Food Plan in maintenance? Nope, not really.  Does that mean I am a Cheater or a Loser? Nope, it sure doesn’t.

I don’t expect Perfection from myself in any area of life because I am not a perfect person. I do, however, expect to stay committed to myself.  That includes staying committed to my Food Plan, my job, my marriage, my children, my home, all of it.  But if & when I do make a mistake, I will not beat myself up mercilessly & start that vicious cycle again.  I will apologize for making that mistake………to myself or to others, and I will move forward from there.  Then I’m able to look in the mirror and see my insides looking back at me instead of only my outsides.

If I eat off plan, I am not a ‘Cheater’……….I am a person who understands the nature of weight management & how it’s never, ever ‘easy’ to deal with the whole issue and how it’s not an ‘all-or-nothing’ kind of thing. If I make an off-plan food choice, I will question my commitment and not my character.

Hugs
Chris