Recovery Meditations: February 2nd

~ Love ~

The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved.

Victor Hugo


All of my life I felt unloved. Deep in my soul I was also convinced that I was unworthy of love. Nonetheless I craved love deeply.

In a desperate attempt to feel OK, I forsook the God of my childhood and declared that there was no God. I spiralled further and further into the depths of despair, unable to feel or give love. In my downward spiral, I turned to food to block feelings of unworthiness.

I entered Program dying of addiction as well as the deep sorrow of the loveless. I thought I was different from everyone else, that no one could possibly understand me. I had no peers, no real friends.

However, once in Program I found others just like me! I started to belong and to develop true friendships. In my desire to belong, I worked the Twelve Steps as others did and found a God of My Understanding. GOMU is a loving God. This God supports and guides me while as helping me learn to give and receive love. Love has brought me back to life.

One day at a time ...
Hand-in-hand with my Higher Power, I love and am loved.

~ Michel ~

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Finding out about my adoption, when I was 5 years old, convinced me I was unloved! How could a mother give her child away? I must have been unlovable, worthless............and THAT was why she threw me out.

A 5 year old mind cannot think rationally or understand the 'why's' of life. I carried that message of being 'unlovable' around with me for decades. I ate (and drank & smoked) to bury my feelings of unworthiness.  I shut people out of my life, claiming I was fiercely independent. What I WAS was frightened and lonely.

I think I began my TRUE recovery back in 2000 when I found my birth family and heard the story of why I was give up for adoption. Finding my roots made me REAL...........it allowed me to take MY place in the world as a human being and not just a nobody who was dropped on someone's stoop by the stork.

Today I know how loved I truly AM. By God, by my biological family, my adopted family, my husband, my children and my friends. I've touched a lot of lives and I am grateful for the opportunity to keep doing that.............to enrich MY life as well, by paying my blessings forward.